Writing & Publishing Fight Scene Advice?

I struggle writing fight scenes, and unfortunately, my current book incorporates several. It's hard to choreograph a fight in your head with no prior fighting experience. And how do you describe karate moves or flipping around the room? Much easier watching one in a movie!

I just finished my first fight yesterday, and one of my betas said it was not dramatic (strong?) enough, i.e. dialogue was weak, antagonist was not intimidating enough, jarring parts, etc.

So, any advice from all you fight scene experts?

Could you describe your fight scene so we could help you with it?

suspensewriter said:

Could you describe your fight scene so we could help you with it?

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Um, just fight scenes in general? Like how to describe combat and hand to hand fighting?

So the villain is after a bracelet that the protagonist bought at an auction. He broke into her hotel room to steal it. She came out, saw him leaving, and confronted him. (she was on offense, he was on defense)

He dropped the bracelet and kept trying to go after it. When she got hold of it, he attacked her, incapacitated her, and regained the bracelet.

Then he left and ordered a pizza. (just kidding )

Outside of slowing or pausing your movie to write the moves you see, you really need to try and picture yourself in the fight, i.e., what would your reaction be if someone attacked you. Which direction(s) would you move? Which hand are you striking with? Etc. Fortunately, and UN-fortunately, I fought a lot in my youth and received training in hand to had combat in the military, so that helps when I write.

I don't know if it will help, but I'm including a short, close-quarters fight scene from my book "Guardian of the Lightning Seeds." A little perspective in advance, the main character is a human while the supporting characters are "fairy-like" in appearance (i.e., a foot tall with wings), but are warriors from Japan. Warning, it's a little brutal:

"Nearly halfway out of Shin-au-av, a demon long forgotten startles them. The hideous Dzoavits unexpectedly charges the group from an adjoining tunnel. Nearly naked, he wears an old, tattered, and filthy breechcloth. Long, dirty, and thin hair has grown from his head to his ankles, covering his pale skin. Behind the unkempt hair, large, round, yellow eyes glow in the darkness. Sensing the creature is about to strike, Hasegawa zooms in front of Takeda to protect him. Dzoavits snatches him out of the air with his left hand. He tightens his grip, breaking off his sashimono and shattering Hasegawa’s back. The ashigaru warrior screams in pain. His sashimono and yari fall to the ground. The ogre shoves Hasegawa into his gaping mouth full of rotten teeth. They hear his muffled screams and a horrid crunch as the demon ogre consumes him, armor and all.

The tunnels are dark and shadowy; Notah does not see Dzoavits swipe at them with his right hand. As a result, the ogre slashes through Notah’s shirt and into his left shoulder. Notah grits his teeth and groans from the four claw-like cleave marks left by its sharp fingernails. The young brave spins back to his left to face the monster while instinctively unsheathing his knife with his right hand.

Takeda, who dodged the second swipe, swoops down to the ground. He sheathes his sword and picks up Hasegawa’s yari. With both hands on the pole, he zooms up into the air between Notah and the ogre, screaming with a vengeful fury. His armor and the yari blade glow much brighter, temporarily blinding the ogre. He buries the spear in the yellow eye of Dzaovits, who screams in pain. The ogre swats blindly at Takeda, striking and slightly wounding him. Notah ducks his flailing arm and then buries the blade of his knife between the monster’s neck and shoulder. Dzaovits turns to escape, stumbling over the rocky ground. He screams in agony, groping blindly at the knife handle as he staggers into the black tunnel.

They both know it is a mortal blow; he will not return..."

What I mean is your villain an experienced fighter or no? Or is he trying to take her down by brute force? There'll be a difference in what they both down.

I’m not a guy, and that’s probably why I find myself skimming those detailed, blow by blow fight scenes. They just don’t interest me, honestly.

To write a scene like the one you describe, I’d probably do something like, “She kicked and screamed, but nobody came. He shoved her to the ground, twisted her wrist, and wrenched the bracelet from her clenched hand.”

Simple and to the point…the way you’ve described it, your heroine doesn’t seem like a trained fighter, and the encounter is more of an assault than an actual fight.

suspensewriter said:

What I mean is your villain an experienced fighter or no? Or is he trying to take her down by brute force? There'll be a difference in what they both down.

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Zee said:

Simple and to the point…the way you’ve described it, your heroine doesn’t seem like a trained fighter, and the encounter is more of an assault than an actual fight.

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Sorry, forgot to mention. To answer both your questions, he's a trained assassin and she's a fighter that's trained for twelve years.

Sarah Daffy said:

Sorry, forgot to mention. To answer both your questions, he's a trained assassin and she's a fighter that's trained for twelve years.

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In that case, things might go down very differently. That’s partly why I’ve never written a fight scene from the POV of a trained fighter—it’s because I don’t honestly know what would happen. Seen enough of the “regular” kind to be able to describe it more or less convincingly.

Even so, when I’m reading, I’m far more interested in the emotional effect that a violent encounter such as this would have on both characters involved, and less on who hit whom where and with what. Just enough of that to give verisimilitude to the narrative…

Sarah, I've responded to your written piece in the Critique Forum before that I knew he was a trained assassin. But I've got to say that if she tangled with a trained assassin, she'd probably end up dead.

So maybe you'd be better off deleting the right scene entirely?

Sarah Daffy said:

So, any advice from all you fight scene experts?

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I always recommend Carla Cook Hoch (no relation).

Fight Write

Required reading for writers looking to get more accurate about fighting in their books. That link WOULD not share.

I second @Johne on the recommendation of Carla Hoch. She's even written a book: Fight Write: How to Write Believable Fight Scenes (here's the link to it on Amazon). If you're going to be writing any fight scene, then I recommend getting that and reading it. I've even referenced it when editing fight scenes.

If you're not up to getting the book yet, then check out Carla's website: https://www.fightwrite.net/.

Sarah Daffy said:

I struggle writing fight scenes, and unfortunately, my current book incorporates several. It's hard to choreograph a fight in your head with no prior fighting experience. And how do you describe karate moves or flipping around the room? Much easier watching one in a movie!

I just finished my first fight yesterday, and one of my betas said it was not dramatic (strong?) enough, i.e. dialogue was weak, antagonist was not intimidating enough, jarring parts, etc.

So, any advice from all you fight scene experts?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Virtually all of my fight scenes have no dialogue. Because, in a real fight, no one wants to "chat."

Not unless you are writing parody of fight scenes anyway!

Actually, given your generally humorous style of storytelling, a spoof fight scene with dramatic moves and cheesy trash talk might work…

Thanks, everyone, for your advice!

I draw.out the room.or place on paper so I can work out the movement of the characters.

When I started writing, one of the first challenges I faced was fight scenes. I realized I could not master this all at once, so I worked my way up. I began with one on one fights, then skirmishes among groups with three or four on each side, then battles with dozens, until eventually I got to wars with campaigns involving multiple battles with thousands of combatants. I read books on great battles from the past and on military strategy.

A vital part of the fight is the setting. Know your setting. Put in details that seem irrelevant, then make them relevant. Make the surroundings an integral part of the battle. Every object at hand can be a weapon, a place to hide behind for cover. Things can trip or entangle. In one of my stories set around Boston and Cambridge where I work, I walked the area many times and took photos. The graffiti became part of the story, and the stone retaining walls holding back the sand, the abandoned rail cars, the parking lot where they teach motorcycle safety classes, … I wove the real place into a fantasy tale with trolls and mermaids and were-goats.

You must reveal character through the fight. Show the ethical character refuse to take a cheap shot and risk losing the battle. Or have someone wander into the location of the fight, like a child, increasing the stakes. Or PTSD (overused these days) could trigger an illogical response. Then there is the offer of a bribe or threat of retaliation against family to weaken the resolve of one fighter. And then there is the bluff. Out of bullets or arrows or otherwise unable to continue, yet pretending otherwise.

Hope this gives you things to think about.

I don’t know that I can add value, but what immediately came to mind after I learned he’s an assassin and she’s trained as a fighter for 12 years is YouTube Depending on the kind of assassin he is (hamas-type? Ninja? Mercenary?) and the kind of fighter she is (street fighter? Kickboxer?) YouTube is a good place to learn movements. If their fighting styles are vastly different, you’ll have to work at getting the movements right.

On top of that, the environment has to be considered. A hotel room is close quarters - a street fighter may not understand how to utilize, say, the desk pen in a deadly fashion the way a trained assassin would.

Hope it helps a little

This is probably overkill for this very straightforward question, but let me just say that if you ever have an opportunity to take a stage combat class, you might find a lot of fodder for writing in the things you learn as well! Especially if it's focused on the type of fighting you write about.