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3 key tactics for setting up powerful scenes


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    Would the following scene fit the tactics for setting up powerful scenes?

    It's the beginning of an old fan fiction story of mine, titled "Power in the Word", based on the former TV Series "Joan of Arcadia".

                                                               xxxxxxxxx

    Inside Arcadia High School, the bell rang in Ms. Morris' 3rd Period History Class. Her Students were in their seats. Joan Girardi and Adam Rove, sat beside each other. Their Teacher, Ms. Morris stood at the blackboard, writing.
    Adam looked at Joan's books.
   He said, "You've brought a Bible with you to Class?"
   She told him, "Somebody I keep running into, told me to 'Let the light that is in me shine forth.' Do you have any objections?"
   "No. Not really."
   Ms. Morris stood beside Joan's desk.
   She said, "The Supreme Court has objections, even if Mr. Rove doesn't. Having this book in School, is a violation of the Constitutionally mandated separation of Church and State?"
   Joan told her, "That's not what the Constitution says Ms. Morris. What it actually says is: 'Congress shall make no Law, respecting the establishment of religion, nor prohibiting the free practice thereof.' Banning the Bible from school, isn't 'mandated' by the Constitution. It's prohibited."
    Ms. Morris picked up the Bible saying, "Well I'm mandating it here. This Book promotes fundamentalist religious bigotry and insensitivity to other beliefs, and I won't have any of that in my Class."
    "That isn't true." Joan told her, "It tells us how to do good to others."
    Ms. Morris walked to her desk, and held the Bible over the waste basket.
   Joan was horrified.
   "Don't do that Ms. Morris!" She warned, "There's gonna be more trouble than you can imagine."
   Her teacher said, "Be quiet Ms. Girardi."
   Ms. Morris dropped the Bible into the wastebasket.
   Joan covered her eyes, and braced herself.
   The entire classroom began to shake.
   Adam shouted, "Earthquake!"
   The terrified students ducked under their desks.
   The shaking stopped.
   Ms. Morris spoke. "You can return to your seats everyone. It's over."
  The students got out from under their desks, and returned to their seats.
   "It's not the wrath of God." Ms. Morris assured them. "Just a frequently occurring natural phenomenon, here in California. Isn't that right, Ms. Girardi?"
    "I don't think so Ms. Morris." Joan told her, "This might be just the beginning."

Edited by William D'Andrea
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12 hours ago, Wesley Southern said:

Joan should’ve brought in the Koran.

      Then it might have been a different story.

      After I received your comment, I added several more lines from the original story.  If you read it again, your response may be different.

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1 hour ago, William D'Andrea said:

After I received your comment, I added several more lines from the original story.  If you read it again, your response may be diff

 

Do you think your prose might be a little too simplistic? Ms. Morris is not subtle at all, dropping the Bible into the wastebasket. No concept of private property or religious freedom. They might as well live in the USSR under Stalin.

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1 hour ago, Wesley Southern said:

Do you think your prose might be a little too simplistic?

     The story is not as simplistic as it may first appear.   If you'd like to read the entire short story, I have a copy posted here in the Reading Room.  It's not all that long.  It consists of approximately 2,700 words, divided into 10 pages, on Microsoft Word.  

     christianwriters.com/the-reading-room/power-in-the-word-r250/

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17 minutes ago, William D'Andrea said:

The story is not as simplistic as it may first appear.   If you'd like to read the entire short story, I have a copy posted here in the Reading Room.  It's not all that long.  It consists of approximately 2,700 words, divided into 10 pages, on Microsoft Word.  

 

I read the whole thing. I don’t usually read fan fiction, but I’m not familiar with the Joan of Arc TV series anyway. It’s okay. I thought the good vs. evil theme was too simplistic. If we could get some backstory on Ms. Morris on why she’s so intolerant of Christianity, that would help.

 

You don’t really want to collaborate on my improv story, right?

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1 hour ago, Wesley Southern said:

If we could get some backstory on Ms. Morris on why she’s so intolerant of Christianity, that would help.

      I wrote Ms. Morris as a stereotypical politically correct leftist.  I originally wrote this story back in 2006, when I posted it on the website fanfiction.net. 

     That was 15 years ago.  Now, after all this time I'm really not planning to make any changes.

1 hour ago, Wesley Southern said:

You don’t really want to collaborate on my improv story, right?

      Are you actually inviting me, or is that just a joke?

      I'm already collaborating with Grey_Skies, on a work which she's started.  It looks like we'll probably be very busy for the rest of Spring and into the Summer.  If you really would like me to take a look at any writing you've started, I'll give it a look and let you know what I think.  I can't promise anything beyond that. 

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