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I recently released my first Christian Children's Storybook, Broken.  This self-published book is the first in a series to help parents start meaningful discipleship conversations with their young children.  I have written entry-level discipleship curriculum for the my church; a desire to strengthen family discipleship in the home was birthed out of that experience.  

 

I have created a publishing brand and two imprints to help me with setting up a sustainable writer's platform.  I say that to say, as I start off on this venture, I would love to hear your thoughts on my first storybook.  I will include at the bottom of this post a link to a free flipbook of the storybook for you to read and let me know what you think.  Thank you in advance for your replies.

 

Broken by Floyd Gary Pierce

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I wasn't thrilled with the writing. I thought it was a little cheesy to blame a sleeping cat. The messaging was a little heavy-handed too, and the kids' reactions are a little unnatural when sitting on the couch. I don't know if Grace and Elinor would grasp the concept of sin so easily irl...

 

I noticed two things about the illustrations 1) wow the mom has thicc thighs 2) the characters have the same pose with their arms throughout the story. Would've loved to see more variation.

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5 hours ago, Floyd Gary Pierce said:

Thank you in advance for your replies.

🤨 I will have to come back to this. I either can't access it on my phone and need a laptop, or my signal is too slow. I'll let you know. 

 

And hey, I have kids, so if I can get them to sit still long enough, I'll let you know what they think. 🙂

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23 minutes ago, Wesley Southern said:

I wasn't thrilled with the writing. I thought it was a little cheesy to blame a sleeping cat. The messaging was a little heavy-handed too, and the kids' reactions are a little unnatural when sitting on the couch. I don't know if Grace and Elinor would grasp the concept of sin so easily irl...

 

I noticed two things about the illustrations 1) wow the mom has thicc thighs 2) the characters have the same pose with their arms throughout the story. Would've loved to see more variation.

I see what the others meant by a little heavy-handed in the critiques. Maybe try peppering them with things you do like or thought worked well too? 

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This is very nicely done. I agree with @Nicola that that a final picture of happy children would be a plus, maybe with a happy comment from one of them. I can only guess how a very young audience would react, but I'd suspect there will be some who may need a slight prompt as to what their final reaction to the story should be. If there's any doubt, this would make it clear.

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I like it! The illustrations are fun and colorful, and the idea of an online “flip book” like this, though new to me, is a great one. I imagine it would work well on a tablet or the like, and even very little ones would enjoy “turning” the pages.

 

My only question was why Mom would allow the girls to “get away” with an obvious lie...it may be a simple difference of child personality/parenting style, but I think if it was one of mine, I’d be more inclined to address the issue right away, and work through it while it was still fresh. Very young children don’t tend to have super-strong reasoning/correlation abilities, in my experience.

 

 

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8 hours ago, Floyd Gary Pierce said:

I would love to hear your thoughts on my first storybook.

Great story! You presented things in a way that's easy for everyone to understand!

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19 hours ago, Nicola said:

Thanks for sharing your flipbook! I did love the illustrations. Is there room for one more at the end? I would have liked to see one more shot of happy Grace. 

Thanks for the suggestion of a concluding image of a happy Grace. That is helpful. 

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