Question for those of you who are married.

[Vessel 4 HIm 22]

 This is not something I normally talk about with anyone, much less strangers but I am finding it freeing to talk about it. I have a question. When I get the sexual urge to want to have sex with my wife but she says no, is it normal to feel emotional about it? When the urge is so strong, it is hardest to fight it off, she suggested I play Just Dance (which helped a lot) but I want to know if it is normal to get anxious.

 I feel horrible for getting emotional in the first place, it is just sex, plenty more opportunities will rear it's head (no sexual pun intended) which I then begin to feel dirty and selfish even though I respect her "no" and the reasons behind the "no."

[suspensewriter 5,696]

34 minutes ago, Vessel 4 HIm said:

When I get the sexual urge to want to have sex with my wife but she says no, is it normal to feel emotional about it?

 

No, sorry, it's not normal.  I'd suggest counseling might help.

[Zee 2,304]

Maybe you could define "emotional" a little more clearly. Do you mean a little bit disappointed, like "Ah well...maybe next time," or do you mean you're experiencing feelings of real anger/frustration/serious anxiety?

 

The former would be quite normal, I think. The latter...yes, probably something worth talking about with someone you trust.

[Paul but not THE 257]

I screwed up some months back.  Tomorrow will be 6 months with none.  Beyond simply not-in-the-mood.  I am hers --all hers, but I don't know if she's mine or ever will be, and THAT causes all sorts of nasty emotions for me.  I haven't even been able to escape to my fictional world recently.  I saw one mainstream counselor who was marketed as a "Christian" counselor.  Turned out to be about anything BUT Christian.  Saw a Biblical counselor a few times.  He was great to help me face up to what I did.  I still hurt terribly from time to time.  I've found doing stuff --staying busy helps me the best.  I know it's going to take time to heal.  Stay busy and stay in prayer and stay in the Word!  DON'T look elsewhere.  Wait for your wife.

[Paul but not THE 257]

...Oh, and try to be someone she'd want to be with!  I'm trying to figure out what that might be anymore with my wife.  We get along OK.  We still share the same bed, but it seems intimacy is gone.  And yeah, that hurts.  I know I sure don't want to hang out with a sad, bitter, lonely old man.  I'm working at it.

[Vessel 4 HIm 22]

On 4/5/2021 at 10:14 PM, Zee said:

Maybe you could define "emotional" a little more clearly. Do you mean a little bit disappointed, like "Ah well...maybe next time," or do you mean you're experiencing feelings of real anger/frustration/serious anxiety?

 

The former would be quite normal, I think. The latter...yes, probably something worth talking about with someone you trust.

 Not really real anger toward her but to myself and it is not serious anxiety but I have a hard time fighting it off and it is in that sense I get anxious

[Vessel 4 HIm 22]

On 4/6/2021 at 6:16 AM, Paul but not THE said:

...Oh, and try to be someone she'd want to be with!  I'm trying to figure out what that might be anymore with my wife.  We get along OK.  We still share the same bed, but it seems intimacy is gone.  And yeah, that hurts.  I know I sure don't want to hang out with a sad, bitter, lonely old man.  I'm working at it.

 Honestly, I know she wants to be with me and there are good reasons for not wanting to have sex. It is because of her health, sometimes that inhibits us from that because she does not want me to get it. She loves me dearly and does not want harm to come to me nor do I want harm to come to her.