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This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm not yet married, but I've been wondering  as a Christian woman, what the pros and cons of hyphenating your last name are. I've seen arguments on both sides as to why do or don't, and one I usually hear is that if a woman doesn't fully take her husband's last name, she is not in complete submission to him. Thoughts?

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2 hours ago, Kells said:

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm not yet married, but I've been wondering  as a Christian woman, what the pros and cons of hyphenating your last name are. I've seen arguments on both sides as to why do or don't, and one I usually hear is that if a woman doesn't fully take her husband's last name, she is not in complete submission to him. Thoughts?

I think some of the problems with hyphen last name.  I have a two word last name..one of those van  names..it causes problem in computers.  Also I think do you want the same name as your kids.  What name would your kids have.  I think taking your husband last name represent leaving your parents and becoming one flesh.  Just my thoughts.  The bible doesn't really state you have to.  I think if you want to keep it you can.  I just thought I would add my opinion.

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6 minutes ago, jennifer1113 said:

I think some of the problems with hyphen last name.  I have a two word last name..one of those van  names..it causes problem in computers.  Also I think do you want the same name as your kids.  What name would your kids have.  I think taking your husband last name represent leaving your parents and becoming one flesh.  Just my thoughts.  The bible doesn't really state you have to.  I think if you want to keep it you can.  I just thought I would add my opinion.

Those are good points. I know some women have said that they want to keep their family legacy, or for those who have already built a brand/accomplishments with theirbnane, it makes sense to hyphenate. TD Jakes' children come to mind. 

 

Another option, what about combining last names, or creating a new one for both hubby and wife?

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7 minutes ago, carolinamtne said:

I would not recommend it if both names are long. They won't both fit on the signature line of a check! :>)

Loll yes that's true! Filling out any application would be a pain, especially for cultures where they already have multiple last names 

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I guess I'm old and curmudgeonly, but I see hyphens as a sign of worldly dilution.  It's almost the same as calling myself an Austrian-Danish-American.  NO, I'm just an American.  But yeah, I can see why a woman wouldn't want to give up the name they grew up with. 

51 minutes ago, Kells said:

Loll yes that's true! Filling out any application would be a pain, especially for cultures where they already have multiple last names 

Now I picture a third-generation of hyphenated names --almost a whole paragraph after a first name 😀

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I think we might celebrate the fact that we have options. Not pointing at anyone here, but we've probably all come across people who'd rather create a law for everything, rather than think over real possibilities.

 

My wife chose simply to retain her maiden name, for thoroughly practical reasons: 1). My name is packed with high-scoring Scrabble letters. 2). She was a social worker, and had a hard time getting her clients to even be able to spell her very simple name correctly. 3). Taking my name would have burdened her as lot (lot!!!) with no actual benefit in return. I'm a thoroughly practical guy, much more interested in how things work than how they look, so the choice was easy. (If I'm gonna be a burden, I'd rather save it for something that's at least fun... 😄😄😄)

 

For you, though, when the time comes to even consider a decision, you'll want to talk lots&lots&lots&lots with your potential guy, to make sure you're on the same page about everything, or at least have your compromises worked out. I've seen way too many Christian couples end up with unneeded friction, after tying the knot. They (mostly) do fine, but the phrase "we'll just trust The Lord" may best be saved for those times when we have no control. It seems a poor excuse to behave irresponsibly. Did I mention you should talk lots?

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12 minutes ago, Wes B said:

I think we might celebrate the fact that we have options. Not pointing at anyone here, but we've probably all come across people who'd rather create a law for everything, rather than think over real possibilities.

 

My wife chose simply to retain her maiden name, for thoroughly practical reasons: 1). My name is packed with high-scoring Scrabble letters. 2). She was a social worker, and had a hard time getting her clients to even be able to spell her very simple name correctly. 3). Taking my name would have burdened her as lot (lot!!!) with no actual benefit in return. I'm a thoroughly practical guy, much more interested in how things work than how they look, so the choice was easy. (If I'm gonna be a burden, I'd rather save it for something that's at least fun... 😄😄😄)

 

For you, though, when the time comes to even consider a decision, you'll want to talk lots&lots&lots&lots with your potential guy, to make sure you're on the same page about everything, or at least have your compromises worked out. I've seen way too many Christian couples end up with unneeded friction, after tying the knot. They (mostly) do fine, but the phrase "we'll just trust The Lord" may best be saved for those times when we have no control. It seems a poor excuse to behave irresponsibly. Did I mention you should talk lots?

This is a very practical reason and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. One thing I've learned is that everyone's marriage is different and at the end of the day every couple must do what's best for them- of course once it's within God's parameters. I agree, lotssss of talking needs to be done for these kind of decisions. 

 

I'd like to add that "we will just trust in God" in many situations should be replaced with "we will seek God on the matter". I think that can help with these kinds of decisions as well. 

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1 hour ago, Paul but not THE said:

I guess I'm old and curmudgeonly, but I see hyphens as a sign of worldly dilution.  It's almost the same as calling myself an Austrian-Danish-American.  NO, I'm just an American.  But yeah, I can see why a woman wouldn't want to give up the name they grew up with. 

Now I picture a third-generation of hyphenated names --almost a whole paragraph after a first name 😀

Curmudgeonly. I love that word XD

 

Question. What's wrong with a person saying they're Austrian-Danish-American? Or lets saying Japanese-American? Wouldn't both be a part of their identity?

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2 hours ago, Kells said:

Those are good points. I know some women have said that they want to keep their family legacy, or for those who have already built a brand/accomplishments with theirbnane, it makes sense to hyphenate. TD Jakes' children come to mind. 

 

Another option, what about combining last names, or creating a new one for both hubby and wife?

When it comes down to it.  I think if it really was communicated and you talked about all the issues...and you both are in agreement.  It is your last name...so I am not stopping any of that.

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1 hour ago, Paul but not THE said:

Nothing really, but how far back an I allowed to go with hyphens?  I've never been to Austria/Denmark.  I'm an American.

Ahh I gotcha. I guess it boils down to what a person feels is their identity. Those who have embraced more than one culture would probably feel more compelled to hyphenate. Same with some women, who I guess would not be willing to give up a part of her identity she lived her whole life before she got married.

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It makes no difference to me. I consider this a "first-world Christian issue." Not something that should divide Christians, like the color of hymnals (yes, that was a thing) or lights/no lights on a cross. I think the quality of marriage is more important.

Edited by Accord64
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2 minutes ago, Accord64 said:

It makes no difference to me. I consider this a "first-world Christian issue." Not something that should divide Christians, like the color of hymnals (yes, that was a thing) or lights/no lights on a cross. I think the quality of marriage is more important.

That "first-world christian issue" really puts things in perspective huh? But I agree, definitely not something to divide the body of Christ over, although it can be important to the couple making the decision. Just a thought you know? 

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39 minutes ago, Paul but not THE said:

In the 1/6 miniatures world, lots of folk say any black figure is an "AA" (African-American) figure.

DSCN0979A.jpg

Lollll. Yeah, that's something I personally have a problem with because it implies that the black person is American which, coming from the Caribbean, I'm not (at least not un the sense of United States of America). For that, most of us just prefer to just be called black. However, let's say I was from Barbados, but grew up with a Trinidad background. I might refer to myself as Bajan-Trini instead of just claiming one culture if I consider both a part of my identity. 

 

Then there's the problem if a person is mixed. Are they white, or are they black? That's often an identity crisis many of them face- not being "black enough" for their fellow black people, and not being considered white amongst white people. 

 

I guess these are first-world problems in the grand scheme of things 😅😅

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6 minutes ago, Kells said:

Lollll. Yeah, that's something I personally have a problem with because it implies that the black person is American which, coming from the Caribbean, I'm not (at least not un the sense of United States of America). For that, most of us just prefer to just be called black. However, let's say I was from Barbados, but grew up with a Trinidad background. I might refer to myself as Bajan-Trini instead of just claiming one culture if I consider both a part of my identity. 

 

Then there's the problem if a person is mixed. Are they white, or are they black? That's often an identity crisis many of them face- not being "black enough" for their fellow black people, and not being considered white amongst white people. 

 

I guess these are first-world problems in the grand scheme of things 😅😅

My nephew, (black father, hispanic mother) identifies as being black.  He was adopted as an infant by my sister's family and grew up in Papua New Guinea (missionary family).

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On 3/31/2021 at 8:50 AM, Kells said:

I usually hear is that if a woman doesn't fully take her husband's last name, she is not in complete submission to him

 

Not to start any sort of argument here, but my thought is that it's important for people who take this tack to also acknowledge that the verse before this says to "submit yourselves one unto another" (Ephesians 5:21), and a few verses down it says that husbands ought to sacrifice for their wives in the same manner that Christ died for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). 

 

There is a lot of mutual submission and sacrifice required in a marriage that honors Christ. If one is going to argue that women ought to take the husband's name to be in submission to him, one could also argue Biblically that men ought to take the wife's name as a sacrifice to honor her.

 

Ergo, the name choice, in my opinion, should be something that both the husband and the wife are mutually comfortable with.

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Whether or not a woman takes her husband’s last name is largely a cultural thing, I think. In White, American, conservative Christian culture, it’s typical for the woman to adopt her husband’s surname.

 

In traditional Persian culture (and I imagine Islamic culture in general) a woman would keep her own family name, even after marriage.

 

In Latino culture, the wife’s and husband’s names are often combined with a hyphen...but I think a daughter would retain only her father’s after marriage (not 100% sure about that.)

 

I’m sure there are many more variations around the world.

 

Depending on what culture you are from, keeping or losing your original family name could send entirely different messages...or possibly no distinct message at all.

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13 hours ago, Zee said:

I think a daughter would retain only her father’s after marriage (not 100% sure about that.)

This is where the names get really complicated. She keeps her father's last and and her mother's last name and adds "de" (of) her husband's last name. Each generation generally loses the grandmother's last name so it only stays two last names for each new birth.

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Ok, that makes sense...my sister in-law, who is married to a Latino guy, explained it once, but my brain didn’t fully retain it...

 

My sister is married to a Congolese guy, and in their culture, a wife generally takes her husband’s surname (possibly due to French influences?) but parents will sometimes combine their first names to coin a new name for their child. For example, a guy named Jean married to a woman named Rochelle may call their daughter Jenichelle, or something like that.

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On 4/1/2021 at 8:01 PM, Zee said:

Whether or not a woman takes her husband’s last name is largely a cultural thing, I think. In White, American, conservative Christian culture, it’s typical for the woman to adopt her husband’s surname.

 

In traditional Persian culture (and I imagine Islamic culture in general) a woman would keep her own family name, even after marriage.

 

In Latino culture, the wife’s and husband’s names are often combined with a hyphen...but I think a daughter would retain only her father’s after marriage (not 100% sure about that.)

 

I’m sure there are many more variations around the world.

 

Depending on what culture you are from, keeping or losing your original family name could send entirely different messages...or possibly no distinct message at all.

That's really interesting. I think when there's no hard and fast biblical basis/answer for these things, culture and of course God's will ultimately kicks in for these decision

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On 4/2/2021 at 9:43 AM, carolinamtne said:

This is where the names get really complicated. She keeps her father's last and and her mother's last name and adds "de" (of) her husband's last name. Each generation generally loses the grandmother's last name so it only stays two last names for each new birth.

Ok so let's say she is born Rodriguez-Suarrez, and she marries a Sanchez, she'll be Rodriguez-Suarrez de Sanchez? Am I understanding that correctly?

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