Sarah Daffy 4,519 Posted Tuesday at 04:36 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 04:36 AM (is it alright if I put this here?) This is a line from a lullaby I wrote tonight. My sister thought it read differently than it was supposed to. How do you read it? Quote God o'erhead is watching, and he will you keep. Does the second line read as "God will keep you" or "you will keep God"? Post your answers below. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kiwigummy 278 Posted Tuesday at 05:04 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 05:04 AM I suppose how you read it would depend on your personality, but I read it as God will keep you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zee 1,909 Posted Tuesday at 12:58 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 12:58 PM Same, but is the unconventional phrasing necessary? “God o’erhead is watching And He will keep you safe,” flows just as well in my opinion. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
suspensewriter 5,187 Posted Tuesday at 02:40 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 02:40 PM It reads fine, Sarah. I agree with Zee. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carolinamtne 4,505 Posted Tuesday at 02:46 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 02:46 PM I suspect the wording matches up with other lines, since this is only a piece. Maybe "And you He will keep"? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wes B 645 Posted Tuesday at 03:01 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 03:01 PM I'll agree with everyone else here. I might add that this may be a case where you'll want to consider your audience in your wording choices. People of my generation will have been exposed to this kind of grammar usage enough to be able to parse it without much thought. (No, nobody actually spoke that way, but we did see it, from time to time...) We really don't see this kind of unconventional usage much today in the modern culture, and I'm guessing that the younger the audience, the more difficulty with it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff Potts 528 Posted Tuesday at 03:18 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 03:18 PM I like @carolinamtnesuggestion. There is no ambiguity with the phrasing. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
William D'Andrea 668 Posted Tuesday at 03:58 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 03:58 PM It could be interpreted to mean "God will keep you and you will keep God." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
paulchernoch 508 Posted Tuesday at 04:14 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 04:14 PM If I were to read just the second line, I would think that it is me who will keep God. But following the first line, where God is doing the watching, I would assume that God is the subject of the second line, so it is God keeping me. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah Daffy 4,519 Posted Tuesday at 05:39 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 05:39 PM 4 hours ago, Zee said: Same, but is the unconventional phrasing necessary? “God o’erhead is watching And He will keep you safe,” flows just as well in my opinion. The reason I did that order was because keep rhymed with a word in the very first line which I did not post. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SelinasBonfire 24 Posted Tuesday at 10:13 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 10:13 PM 17 hours ago, Sarah Daffy said: and he will you keep. I've read enough older poetry to understand your meaning here, but, to be honest, inverted word order in poetry always looks amateurish to me. Keep it if you like it, of course. (or replace the rhymed word in the first line?) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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