Barnyardmare 46 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 My 82 yr old mom has been having an 'affair' with a scammer for about 8 months now. Earlier this month, my children, who have Power of Attorney and access to her bank accounts took control of her finances to a certain degree, with the hopes she would stop sending Albert money. This morning, she took off to the bank early and said she was also going to go get milk. Well, she did go grocery shopping but in the mean time, I got her password and checked her email and sure enough, he asked for money and she said she'd send some. So, I changed her email password, set up a new email (playing to be mom) and let him know that the kids were shutting her down. To ensure that this relationship is done, I took her computer and hid it. My Mom is really angry with me and she is crying like a broken hearted teenager. This is one of the messages he sent her "Love you so much sweetheart you are always in my heart and I want you to know i love you so much sweetheart kisses from me to you my angel" It was all in caps and lots of emoji lips and hearts. My Mom lost Dad 2 yrs ago Nov 20th. at the time, the loss was a relief on her due to his many health issues. Now she is going through loneliness and won't take counselling and she is angry with me. I had to do this because she was sending thousands to him and there is absolutely nothing that can be done by the FBI or social services to stop this guy because he is in Nigeria or somewhere in Africa. I am Mom's caregiver. She is very capable of doing things, driving to grocery store, church (she plays piano for church) and she can physically care for herself otherwise. Except this guy. I was planning on going to a working dog clinic this coming weekend and paid $200 to attend. Now I may be out the money because I might not be able to go. I may als have to give up my goat rental business to stay at home with her all the time. This clinic was to help train me to train border collies. The only other choice is assisted living, which means I am out on the street because the kids will have to sell her land to put her in assisted living and this situation has put me into a financial situation that I cannot buy or rent a place for myself because my income has dropped significantly since she told me to move in with her 2 yrs ago. Am I really the bad guy in all this? I am to the point I am crying a lot and I don't cry. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lynnmosher 7,435 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 No, you're not the bad guy. And I'm sure your siblings agree with what you did. Tough love is...tough, isn't it? Praying for all of you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah Daffy 4,222 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 praying Quote Link to post Share on other sites
suspensewriter 4,966 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Nope, trust me-- you did the right thing. I'll pray for you all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barnyardmare 46 Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 Appreciate the prayers. It is my children and I dealing with Mom since my two younger brothers are out of the picture, one refuses to associate with us and the other we don't know where he is but we do get a Christmas card occasionally with no return address Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ky_GirlatHeart 643 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Awww. No, you're not the bad guy. Your mom could've gotten herself into more trouble than she thought she wouldn't be getting into, and you had to stop it. I'll be praying. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barnyardmare 46 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 Mom is now threatening not to eat until I give her back the computer. Her problem is that she loves sweets. ANd she is constantly feeding her dog treats so she goes to the refrigerator all the time. So I am not worried about her staring. he has a kindle and has already opened a new email and emailed this guy. Just my luck I have a tech savvy mother that knows more than I do about computers 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
suspensewriter 4,966 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 What?? Oh, boy, but you've got to be careful. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EBraten 1,273 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 I'm so sorry about this and will keep you in prayer. Scammers like this will bleed her dry with no compunction. Does she listen to podcasts? The AARP have a great fraud prevention one called The Perfect Scam, with lots of episodes about the many ways scammers target seniors. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barnyardmare 46 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 49 minutes ago, EBraten said: I'm so sorry about this and will keep you in prayer. Scammers like this will bleed her dry with no compunction. Does she listen to podcasts? The AARP have a great fraud prevention one called The Perfect Scam, with lots of episodes about the many ways scammers target seniors. I think her pride is what is keeping her from admitting her idiocy. I have gone to AMAC (the conservative alternative to AARP) and they have things as well. I've even gone to the VA for help since she is a veteran. Until she admits she needs help they can't and won't do a thing. I've talked to my legislators and they can't do anything either. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barnyardmare 46 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 I wrote Mom a 4 page letter (typed up) and am leaving it on the table while I go do chores and work outside. Pray it pricks her heart. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lynnmosher 7,435 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Praying! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff Potts 479 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 20 hours ago, Barnyardmare said: Am I really the bad guy in all this? I am to the point I am crying a lot and I don't cry. Before you ask that question, imagine your mom being destitute because that scammer took all of her money. I had to virtually kick and scream before my siblings did anything of consequence to take control of my dad's finances. I was the one who filed with the Secretary of State to start the process to take his drivers license away. And, in the end, it was me who took away his car, informed the police my dad had dementia, and that I was keeping his vehicle. They MORE than understood. I don't regret a thing. I don't care if my dad hates me (he doesn't even remember me now, so I guess that's not really on the table anymore). Because you have to ask yourself if you could live with the notion that he could serious injure someone if, in a moment of confusion, he lost control of that vehicle? Or, if he drove to some bad part of town, and got rolled (yes, we had that happen to a family member). He was bad off, and I do mean bad. It was worse than even I expected, and I was the pessimistic one in the family. Maybe I'm just a cold fish, or it is the lone wolf in me. But when things are dire, I don't get wrapped up in hurt feelings, or regrets. If it was the right thing to do, that should be enough. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barnyardmare 46 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Share Posted December 1, 2020 My problem is that Mom is of sound mind. She is smarter than me and she told me she knows what she s doing. My children have executor and powers of attorney over her and they have limited her spending power to groceries and a few incidentals. But she still sends money to him. I am just the caregiver and no one in the family listens to me. So I have given them notice that I am leaving if they can't get this matter under control and Mom agrees to counselling. Without me, she goes to assisted living. I am tired of the family brow beating me every time they don't like something I do o something that I have little control over. I supose it is time for me to selfish 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
suspensewriter 4,966 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Wait a minute--they have fiduciary power over her and have limited her spending. That doesn't make any sense. She shouldn't under those circumstances have any say in her money. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ky_GirlatHeart 643 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 @Barnyardmare I will be praying that your mom accepts your letter, that the spirit of truth will come upon her so that she will see that what's she's doing is dangerous, and that she will forgive you and have a better relationship with you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EBraten 1,273 Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 @BarnyardmareI was looking for this book and finally found it. Maybe you could show it to your children so they can see the gravity of this. I'll be praying. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
suspensewriter 4,966 Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 I prayed for the Lord to help you, @Barnyardmare. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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