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I took my Mom's computer away


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My 82 yr old mom has been having an 'affair' with a scammer for about 8 months now.  Earlier this month, my children, who have Power of Attorney and access to her bank accounts took control of her finances to a certain degree, with the hopes she would stop sending Albert money.  This morning, she took off to the bank early and said she was also going to go get milk.  Well, she did go grocery shopping but in the mean time, I got her password and checked her email and sure enough, he asked for money and she said she'd send some.  So, I changed her email password, set up a new email (playing to be mom) and let him know that the kids were shutting her down.  To ensure that this relationship is done, I took her computer and hid it.

 

My Mom is really angry with me and she is crying like a broken hearted teenager.  This is one of the messages he sent her "Love you so much sweetheart you are always in my heart and I want you to know i love you so much sweetheart kisses from me to you my angel"  It was all in caps and lots of emoji lips and hearts.  My Mom lost Dad 2 yrs ago Nov 20th.  at the time, the loss was a relief on her due to his many health issues.  Now she is going through loneliness and won't take counselling and she is angry with me.  I had to do this because she was sending thousands to him and there is absolutely nothing that can be done by the FBI or social services to stop this guy because he is in Nigeria or somewhere in Africa.  

 

I am Mom's caregiver.  She is very capable of doing things, driving to grocery store, church (she plays piano for church) and she can physically care for herself otherwise.  Except this guy.  I was planning on going to a working dog clinic this coming weekend and paid $200 to attend.  Now I may be out the money because I might not be able to go.  I may als have to give up my goat rental business to stay at home with her all the time.  This clinic was to help train me to train border collies.  The only other choice is assisted living, which means I am out on the street because the kids will have to sell her land to put her in assisted living and this situation has put me into a financial situation that I cannot buy or rent a place for myself because my income has dropped significantly since she told me to move in with her 2 yrs ago.

 

Am I really the bad guy in all this?   I am to the point I am crying a lot and I don't cry.  

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Mom is now threatening not to eat until I give her back the computer.  Her problem is that she loves sweets.  ANd she is constantly feeding her dog treats so she goes to the refrigerator all the time.  So I am not worried about her staring.  he has a kindle and has already opened a new email and emailed this guy.  Just my luck I have a tech savvy mother that knows more than I do about computers

 

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49 minutes ago, EBraten said:

I'm so sorry about this and will keep you in prayer. Scammers like this will bleed her dry with no compunction. Does she listen to podcasts? The AARP have a great fraud prevention one called The Perfect Scam, with lots of episodes about the many ways scammers target seniors.

 

I think her pride is what is keeping her from admitting her idiocy.  I have gone to AMAC (the conservative alternative to AARP) and they have things as well.  I've even gone to the VA for help since she is a veteran.  Until she admits she needs help they can't and won't do a thing.  I've talked to my legislators and they can't do anything either.

 

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20 hours ago, Barnyardmare said:

Am I really the bad guy in all this?   I am to the point I am crying a lot and I don't cry.  

 

Before you ask that question, imagine your mom being destitute because that scammer took all of her money.

 

I had to virtually kick and scream before my siblings did anything of consequence to take control of my dad's finances.

 

I was the one who filed with the Secretary of State to start the process to take his drivers license away.  And, in the end, it was me who took away his car, informed the police my dad had dementia, and that I was keeping his vehicle.  They MORE than understood.

 

I don't regret a thing.  I don't care if my dad hates me (he doesn't even remember me now, so I guess that's not really on the table anymore).  Because you have to ask yourself if you could live with the notion that he could serious injure someone if, in a moment of confusion, he lost control of that vehicle?  Or, if he drove to some bad part of town, and got rolled (yes, we had that happen to a family member).

 

He was bad off, and I do mean bad.  It was worse than even I expected, and I was the pessimistic one in the family.

 

Maybe I'm just a cold fish, or it is the lone wolf in me.  But when things are dire, I don't get wrapped up in hurt feelings, or regrets.  If it was the right thing to do, that should be enough. 

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My problem is that Mom is of sound mind.  She is smarter than me and she told me she knows what she s doing.  My children have executor and powers of attorney over her and they have limited her spending power to groceries and a few incidentals.  But she still sends money to him. I am just the caregiver and no one in the family listens to me.  So I have given them notice that I am leaving if they can't get this matter under control and Mom agrees to counselling.  Without me, she goes to assisted living.  I am tired of the family brow beating me every time they don't like something I do o something that I have little control over.  I supose it is time for me to selfish

 

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