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Struggle in the Journey


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You know me,

You move me,

and yet I find myself

feeling distant from You.

 

How can someone

know You so well,

and for so long,

and yet I feel like a failure.

 

To know the way to live,

to be able to guide others,

and yet still be so lost,

in a fog of disappointment.

 

How can something so simple,

be so very difficult?

Be so easy to follow,

and yet hard to pursue?

 

A desire that is so real,

a passion that is so hungry,

a love that just wants to serve,

yet a will that is struggling and unmotivated.

 

Success would be to just let go...

Seek with everything, hold on to nothing,

love completely with reckless submission,

until all that is held dear in this life fades...

and only you remain in focus.

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  • 2 months later...

This poem was about a wilderness experience that I went through where I felt so distant from God and my desperation to reconnect with Him. As a mature and experienced Christian, it was such a confusing and contrasting time to struggle with the very nature of faith and pursing God. I have never ever doubted the existence of God, in fact that is the only thing I have always been 100% certain of. But having that assurance since I was young and not knowing what it is like to not know God, makes living a faithful life sometimes challenging to keep it honest, genuine and new because as human beings we often struggle with events and experiences growing old and familiar instead of staying vibrant and new. This was a mixture between a lament and a psalm.

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