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Pax Pace

Between A Believer And A Nonbeliever: The Return

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Hello, again! I used to be a member here almost a year ago. I thought I was ready to mingle with a Christian community until the pressure to become a better Christian overwhelmed me enough to leave. For so long, I've felt like I had to live godlier than I ever have to be considered worthy of Christ's love. What I didn't realize is that it doesn't matter because I continue seeking Him to this day without giving up, and that pleases God. I started my journey to Christ in 2017, and while I still struggle, I believe I'm a lot closer to Him than I used to be. Since New Year's Day, I've been praying and reading the Bible every night, which is something I don't normally do. It was like an untold resolution for the new year. I didn't announce it to anyone; I just did it. I used to be more serious about calling myself agnostic, but I'm more of a Christ-seeker. I still don't call myself a Christian just yet only because I don't want to be the type to abuse the name by not living fully up to Christ's standards. I'm a lowly sinner, after all. The few online friends I have all know that I seek God, so there's no shame. Though, my family doesn't yet know, and that's solely because they are the type to pressure me without giving me the chance to set my own pace. I can't jump all in with my whole body until I'm fully ready. But I'm getting there, one foot at a time!

 

As for writing, I've been writing passionately since I was a teen quite some years ago. I've written in all sorts of genres. I'm still new to Christian writing forums, since I've only joined secular ones before joining this one. Under Pax Pace, I write inspirational and Christian stories, especially fiction. This time, I plan to stay in the community because I'm telling myself it's okay to struggle. God loves me as I am, and He hasn't abandoned me like I used to think He did. (See? I'm even capitalizing His pronouns when I didn't use to.)

 

Anyway, it's good to be back! 😁

 

P.S. Here's my original greeting from last year, under my old account: https://christianwriters.com/topic/14463-between-a-believer-and-a-nonbeliever/

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😱 I thought that was you! 😊 Welcome back. You have been missed! 

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We are so glad you decided to jump in again.

 

So glad you are spending time with the Lord and reading the Word. There is no substitute for that. God will never abandon you. If you invited to take up residence in your heart and life, you've locked Him in. He cannot get out. He doesn't want to. You are His. He won't let you go. Jesus is Emmanuel...God with us. Always! And with His presence through the Holy Spirit within you, you are made worthy. You are worthy because of Him! Not through what you do or don't do. You may screw up. We all do. But God will never leave you nor turn His back on you. You are His beloved child. He will always love you. Greater than you can every imagine! May you be blessed with a special touch of His presence. :)

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Alley, thank you so much! I have to say, I missed this community, so I'm glad to be back!

 

lynnmosher, Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. It's so easy to get wrapped up in how good one must do to be saved and what have you. I know in my heart that God is there somewhere. I just have to acknowledge it more. I suppose that would technically make me a Christian, haha.

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2 hours ago, Pax Pace said:

Anyway, it's good to be back! 😁

It's great to have you back!  I've been praying for you!

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HK1, thank you so much! It was all just too much for me that I got scared and chased away, so I deeply apologize for leaving so suddenly. Thankfully, that's not the case anymore. I've gone through quite a bit to help me realize it. I just felt so empty without God in my life. Plus, with all the craziness going on in the world these last couple of years, especially recently, I think it brought me closer to God in some ways.

 

Miss Erin, thank you! Glad to be back, too! 🤗

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Welcome back!

 

It's so good to hear that you are seeking God. We are told in Jeremiah 29:13 that we will find Him, if we seek Him with our whole heart. Keep seeking!

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Claire Tucker, thank you! That's what's giving me the most hope, and I look forward to a life with God in it. :D

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     "This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.   If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.   But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."

     (1st John 1: 5-7)

 

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Just now, Pax Pace said:

so I deeply apologize for leaving so suddenly.

No apologies needed!  I'm just glad you're back!

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Hello Pax Pace. One thing we learn at church is "I am saved, but I am being saved." I'm glad with everyone else that you have returned to Christ and the forum. 

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Welcome back, Pax! I didn't know you before (I just joined), but I look forward to getting to know you! To be honest, we're all terrible people. That's why Jesus came. Even when we don't always outwardly show our sins, we all have sinful hearts still, even after conversion. I know I do! But those sins aren't counted against us, nor yours against you, not ever, because Jesus took the punishment for them upon Himself. And that is why we praise and sing and rejoice! I recently did a personal study about this because I often try to make myself perfect too, and it's way too stressful and doesn't actually work! In the Bible, the whole Old Testament is about the Old Covenant, the original "deal" God made with humans, particularly Israel. That deal was all about our works and trying to live up to His standards. We failed. We still do. The New Covenant is the one Jesus put into place, and it's all about His life and choices and Him living up to God's standards. Now the pressure is entirely off of us! I know a lot of Christians don't live like that, but that's because we're all still growing in grace. It's hard for me not to slip back into old ways of thinking I need to be perfect or earn God's favor or even other people's favor or something. But those are all lies. Jesus earned God's favor for me. And for you! We don't live up to God's standards by our own efforts, but Jesus did - and God looks at Him and sees us when we choose to believe in Him and confess Him. Christians do start acting differently and start doing a better job of living up to God's standards, but that's not through our own efforts; it's because the Holy Spirit living inside of us (which Jesus sent after He was resurrected and ascended into Heaven) is transforming us from the inside out. God is really an amazing God - He created us, died for us, calls us, and does the transforming work to make us exactly how He designed us to be, all because He wants us to live with Him forever! Truly, His grace is amazing grace, and His love endures forever!

 

So sorry to go on and on! I meant this to be encouraging, and I hope it was.

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Hello, Sara! One suggestion: when you have a block of text that length, be sure you break it up in paragraphs. It's very difficult to read in one large block. Also, I hope you'll hop over to Meet and Greet and introduce yourself so everyone will know you are here and can welcome you. :D

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Sara Nicole, thank you so much for that post. Yes, it was very encouraging. I have a lot to learn still, but I suppose that's what plenty of us are here for you besides writing, to surround ourselves with others who follow or want to follow Christ. The more we're around each other, the more we learn and please God because of our Christian activity. Once again, thank you, and may God bless you! :D 

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