Jump to content

Welcome to Christian Writers!

We are a friendly community built around Christian writing, publishing, reading and fellowship. Register or sign in today to join in the fun!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Alley

Writing funnies!

Recommended Posts

Here's one you might not have seen before; it's called:

 

"How (not) to Speak English Properly"

 

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 

25. If you've heard it once, you've heard a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

29. Who needs rhetorical questions?

30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is sooooo funny!! :D I have never been too crazy about autocorrect, anyway; sometimes when I misspell a word, it won't correct it, it'll change it to something totally unrelated to what I'm talking about. Perfect example: Sondra from that movie Moms' Night Out:

"Just take some Typhoid."

"Or a bowl of chicken poodle poop."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol! My favorite. Is when spell check (or maybe Grammarly) corrected me from "the enemy is attacking, " to "the economy is attacking." 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
43 minutes ago, Alley said:

Lol! My favorite. Is when spell check (or maybe Grammarly) corrected me from "the enemy is attacking, " to "the economy is attacking." 

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! That is so ironic!! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Alley said:

Lol! My favorite. Is when spell check (or maybe Grammarly) corrected me from "the enemy is attacking, " to "the economy is attacking." 

 

LOLOL Oh, that's too funny, Alley! 🤣

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Sarah Daffy said:

Hey, is that you in the picture, @Alley?

No. I'm a natural blonde. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Sarah Daffy said:

So is that girl's hair dyed?

To me, it looks like it. But then again, I've been known to be wrong. 😋 

 

Mine is a dark golden blonde. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.