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zx1ninja

What would it take?

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Trying to get a handle on this question, 

 

What would your child have to do for you to cut off contact.

 

Or, why do you think your child would cut off contact with you?

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Ouch.  I have had rough times with my child, but cannot imagine cutting off contact.  I cut off a whole lot of other things, but I always answered the text/email/phone call. There would have to be death threats, and still I'd do my best to visit the jail.

Kids, though, they cut off contact for pride and for good wholesome reasons.  Parents behaving badly earn the loss of communication.

Money is often a root of cutting off contact.  Threatening the welfare of other family members too.  

Unhealthy people will cut off contact because they don't get what they want or perceive judgement, especially on the religious side.  

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Wow, that's a tough one, Z.  I think that lack of communication?  You know, I tend to think a lot and with that comes a forgetfulness with other people's thinking.  So now I have to struggle with that.  They know I love them, but that I forget that they were there until I had my stroke.  For some reason now I am more cognizant of them than ever, and praise God that has translated well.  Even when I couldn't talk (I'd forgotten how), for some reason they got the message.

 

Well, I guess I've rambled enough for once, but you know what I mean- don't you?

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22 minutes ago, suspensewriter said:

but you know what I mean- don't you?

I think so

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Posted (edited)

That's a tough one. I'd like to say that there is nothing he/she could do that would separate us, but I'm not sure that's true. Christians talk about unconditional love, like the Prodigal Father, but I've seen too many families where people are no longer speaking, for a lot of different reasons.

 

One scenario that comes to mind (not personally) is a widow(er) remarrying and then discovering that the new spouse wants nothing to do with the offspring. That leaves one having to choose between the new spouse and the child. It's easy to say that the choice would be simple, but there are multiple reasons why it would not be.

 

"Tough love" recommends throwing a child out of the house or out of the relationship under certain circumstances. I understand the logic, but I don't know.

 

Why would a child cut off communication? I suppose the reverse of the above, where the child pairs up with someone who wants nothing to do with the parent(s) is one possibility.

 

Good luck.

Edited by carolinamtne
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15 hours ago, zx1ninja said:

What would your child have to do for you to cut off contact.

 

Or, why do you think your child would cut off contact with you?

Without going into too many details, I'll share a little of what happened a couple of years ago that resulted in my parents cutting off contact with my mum's father. 

 

My grandfather was diagnosed with a type of schizophrenia and extreme phobias etc. about 2 years ago. It's not classic schizophrenia, but I can't recall the exact term the doctors gave it. With the phobias that he had alongside it, things got ... pretty bumpy for us. 

 

So that's the background. At the time, we didn't know this. But the relationship had slowly been getting strained for several months. There were plenty of accusations being thrown at my mum and dad from my grandfather, some ridiculous, but all painful. Cut a long story short, my mum reached breaking point and my dad stepped in. He instructed my grandfather that he was to have no contact with any member of his family, except through my dad. Furthermore, my grandfather was to not set foot upon our property again.  (Just to put this in perspective, we don't think my grandfather ever fully forgave my dad for marrying my mum). 

 

Obviously, there was a lot more going on than just this. Looking back, my mum has come to realize that certain traits (such as the extreme phobias) existed in her father even while she was a little girl.

 

Basically, my parents broke off contact due to extreme and continued verbal and emotional abuse. Contact has been reestablished, but we're all careful about where we see him. We make sure that we go to a public place, or that there will be more than just ourselves with him when we do see him. 

 

Hope this helps answer your question.

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Not a happy situation. I suppose it helps a little that you understand the diagnosis, but that doesn't make it any less painful.

 

My deepest sympathy.

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10 hours ago, Claire Tucker said:

Hope this helps answer your question.

It helps me understand how it could occur. After thinking on it I don't know what to say except I'm sorry you had to go through that. I never intended to drag up bad memories for anyone. I just could not come up with anything that sounded like a real situation.

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Thanks, everyone.

 

It's taken a long time for my family and myself to heal fully, but today I am able to say that I pity him. He is a lonely old man, who has driven every one of his children away. I wouldn't wish what we went through on anyone. But I wouldn't trade that time or experience for anything. My faith is what it is today because of it. And those experiences are part of my testimony as a Christian. 

 

"For God works all things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose".

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@Claire Tucker That sounds like a God story.  Thank you for sharing the deep struggle and the hope you have found.  It builds us up too!  

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Okay, I think I know what I'm going to do for my characters. I don't need anymore responses. 

 

I want to thank those that responded and offer my sympathies and apologies. I did not think it far enough through and was not trying to dreg up bad memories as it appears this did. 

 

I pray everyone understands and will forgive me. 

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Sometimes a parent can alienate a child/teen from the other parent through lies and manipulation. It's called Parental Alienation. It's a very real and evil thing.

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