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Zee

Help...

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So...my story is in the from of a set of short stories, in this case five, from four different points of view--the people most affected by the killing of a young man. 

So story number two is from the point of view of his mother, the day she unexpectedly meets the woman he died trying to help. 

Complaints have been that the meeting feels contrived, emotional changes seem unrealistic, and there is not enough background for a live-feeling character and world. I am a bit stuck...so HELP.

The story is still in the critique forum, so I will not repost it here.

I want specific ideas for making it better, because right now I think it's the weak link in the chain.

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My question, are they five separate stories or are they interwoven? 

How do you connect all of the stories?

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@Bob Leone Has some good questions. It can be hard to jump into the middle of a story in the critique forums. If you leave a link to your story, I can try to look at it this evening after the kids are in bed. ?

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Yes, the stories are interconnected. I had originally intended for them to stand alone as well as be connected. I don't think I have succeeded, but maybe that's OK.

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Alley, I am not sure how to create a link, unfortunately. It's still in the critique forum though...called Precious.

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1 hour ago, Zee said:

Alley, I am not sure how to create a link, unfortunately. It's still in the critique forum though...called Precious.

That will work! I will take a look tonight.

 

You should ask in the support section how to do links. I know how, but I'm really bad at tech and can't tell you what it is unless you want to hear about thingymabobs. ?

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Since links are not allowed in the critique forum, I'll need to check with Rebecca to see if they're okay here. I think they may be.

 

Zee, where is the work you want others to see (besides the critique forum)? 

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I was thinking I'd give the whole set to "Rebecca" to share on her fantasy/fiction stories site (Oodal.com) when it is done, because I think she's still looking for new material. But it's not there yet, of course.

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I still have two more stories to share for critique first, besides being hung up on this one.

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If there is dialogue in the scene, one way to check if it sounds contrived is to say it out loud and see whether it sounds like how real people talk to each other. 

As for background for live feeling character and world, it might help if you describe what the character is seeing and feeling as she experiences the place first and then show the meet up with other characters. Sort of like making the place a character in itself that your protagonist is also interacting with.

Hope these are useful ?

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I stopped by and took and left some comments.  I hope they are helpful, @Zee ! You do have a great story! 

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