Tolkien Blurb

Oct 20, 2021
133
62
Please comment on my blurb and the alternates for the last paragraph. Witch do you like best?

A-
There are fans of J.R.R. Tolkien, and then there are those who would trade a genuine elven sword for a chance to visit Middle-earth. Those in the latter camp are certain to find Jeb Smith’s new vividly-illustrated book Middle-earth Lore to be a wonderfully satisfying quest worthy of even the geekiest Tolkienite.

Our journey begins by entering Tolkien’s mind, where we will come to acknowledge how he did not consider himself the creator of Middle-earth but its discoverer. Tolkien actually desired that his tales be digested as historical events. We will then be walked through Peter Jackson's portrayal of The Lord of the Rings in his filmography, where there is much to praise – but also some sacrilegious exaggerations in dire need of mending.

We are eventually led deep into the mines of a “theological Middle-earth debate” for a legendary finale, which is, as some have said, the heart and soul of the book. Be prepared for a thorough unearthing of many long-held assumptions, including subjects such as the strength of the Valar, Mumakil, Númenóreans, Balrogs, true identity of Gandalf, and much more. In the end we will emerge with a distinct appreciation of why these lore clarifications are necessary for making Middle-earth truly come to life in all its inspired brilliance.

B
We are eventually led deeper into Tolkien’s legendarium than Dwarves mining for Mithril for a legendary finale, a “theological Middle-earth debate” which is, as some have said, the heart and soul of the book. Be prepared for a thorough unearthing of many long-held assumptions, including subjects such as the strength of the Valar, Mumakil, Balrogs, and the Númenóreans, to the true identity of Gandalf and much more. In the end we will emerge with a distinct appreciation of why these lore clarifications are necessary for making Middle-earth truly come to life in all its inspired brilliance.

C
In a legendary conclusion to our Lore-Quest, we will, like the Dwarves digging deeply for Mithril, perhaps even disturbing our own Balrog, delve deeply into the mines of a “theological Middle-earth debate”, which is, as some have said, the heart and soul of the book. Be prepared for a thorough unearthing of many long-held assumptions, including subjects such as the strength of the Númenóreans, Valar, the Mumakil, Balrogs, the true identity of Gandalf, and much more. As a result of our Quest, we will emerge with a distinct appreciation of why these clarifications of lore are necessary to make Middle-earth truly come to life in all its inspired brilliance.
 
Oct 20, 2021
133
62
While it's here, I'll comment.

I think the first one is too long. I like the third one, C.
Thank you for your comments, what do you think of this updated version?

Finally, digging deeper than Dwarves mining for Mithril, we are led to the core of Tolkien’s legendarium—the heart and soul of this book. Be prepared for a thorough exposure and review of many long-held assumptions, including those on subjects from the strength of the Valar, the Mumakil, Balrogs, and the Númenóreans, to the true identity of Gandalf and much more. Ultimately we will emerge with a distinct appreciation of why these clarifications of Lore are necessary to make Middle-earth truly come to life in all its inspired brilliance.”
 

lynnmosher

Moderator
Staff member
Feb 21, 2007
23,272
4,817
@bilbobaggins I think this actually belongs in the critique forum. And I don't think I can move it there because of the point system. It's okay. I'll leave it here. ::D
 
Oct 20, 2021
133
62
New upgraded version- thoughts?

There are fans of J.R.R. Tolkien, and then there are those who would trade a genuine elven sword for a chance to visit Middle-earth. Those in the latter camp are certain to find Jeb Smith’s new vividly-illustrated book Middle-earth Lore to be a wonderfully satisfying quest worthy of even the geekiest Tolkienite.

Our journey begins by entering Tolkien’s mind, where we will come to realize that he did not consider himself the creator of Middle-earth but its discoverer. Tolkien desired that his tales be digested as historical events. We will then be walked through Peter Jackson's portrayal of The Lord of the Rings in his filmography, where there is much to praise – but also some sacrilegious exaggerations in dire need of mending.

Finally, tunneling deeper than Dwarves mining for Mithril, we'll expose the core—the very root of the mountain—that is the heart and soul of this book: Tolkien’s Legendarium. As we dig, be prepared for an unearthing and examination of many long-held assumptions, including those on subjects from the strength of the Valar, the Mumakil, Balrogs, and the Númenóreans, to the true identity of Gandalf and much more.

As a result of our quest, we will emerge from our excavation with a distinct appreciation for why these clarifications of Lore are necessary to make Middle-earth truly come to life in all its inspired brilliance.”
 

lynnmosher

Moderator
Staff member
Feb 21, 2007
23,272
4,817
I agree. The first one is too long. And actually, I didn't read past the first few words on the other two. There's no hook. The first sentence needs to have a hook to draw the reader in. Peak his/her interest. Here's a link to a great article and also has a video for learning hoe four of the top writers, like James Patterson, write blurbs that sell. Hope it's helpful.
 
Oct 20, 2021
133
62
I agree. The first one is too long. And actually, I didn't read past the first few words on the other two. There's no hook. The first sentence needs to have a hook to draw the reader in. Peak his/her interest. Here's a link to a great article and also has a video for learning hoe four of the top writers, like James Patterson, write blurbs that sell. Hope it's helpful.

Thank you for the link I shall check it out. Is this version any better?

Finally, tunneling deeper than Dwarves mining for Mithril, we'll expose the core—the very root of the mountain—that is the heart and soul of this book: Tolkien’s Legendarium. As we dig, be prepared for an unearthing and examination of many long-held assumptions, including those on subjects from the strength of the Valar, the Mumakil, Balrogs, and the Númenóreans, to the true identity of Gandalf and much more.
 

lynnmosher

Moderator
Staff member
Feb 21, 2007
23,272
4,817
It feels like I've jumped into the middle of a conversation. Sometimes the best way to write a hook is to ask a question. ::D
 

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