Christian Writing Fill in the blank (what would YOU do?)

Grey_Skies

Struggling writer hoping to make dreams come true
Dec 27, 2020
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Here's the situation as it now stands:

Your daughter has been away for an extended period of time, and she has just returned on the bus. You go to pick her up, but when you arrive at the bus stop, you find her besieged by the town's rough, wild gang of "bad boys" (as they were called in another thread). They are obviously trying to hit on her and get her to hang out with them. She, of course, is very uncomfortable, and now very glad to see you.

You get out of the car. Being a good, protective father, you ____________________.

Help me out by sharing how you would respond in this given situation! I want his response to be realistic, but not without a bit of flair . . .
 

Zee

Mar 1, 2019
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My first question would be (not as father but as hypercritical reader) why are all the town’s “bad boys” collected at the bus stop in the first place? It’s not a typical hangout spot in most towns, according to my observation.

But say they’re there for some reason. Why are they so starved for female attention that they all simultaneously decide to harass this girl who just stepped off the bus?

I think your scene might work better if only one guy, or at most two, were involved.
 

Grey_Skies

Struggling writer hoping to make dreams come true
Dec 27, 2020
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why are all the town’s “bad boys” collected at the bus stop in the first place?
They weren't, really. They were riding their bikes around and happened to pass by the bus stop when they saw Joanna sitting there.


Why are they so starved for female attention that they all simultaneously decide to harass this girl who just stepped off the bus?
They're all part of the same gang, and when their leader, Axel, takes the initiative, two out of the other three follow suit.


I think your scene might work better if only one guy, or at most two, were involved.
I mean, I guess I could rewrite it this way . . .
 
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Zee

Mar 1, 2019
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I think what I’m trying to convey is, it’s hard for me to picture exactly how this would go down. If this is a small enough town that a new girl is that exciting, it’s also small enough that activity like this would create a disturbance, and a passerby or store owner is likely to intervene before Dad arrives. Or maybe Joanna herself intervenes?

How many boys are involved? Sounds like maybe four…not a large gang. I was picturing perhaps eight or ten.

Why do they want her to hang out with them? Do they know who she is? Is she exceptionally attractive?

Am I diving too deep on this…?
 

Grey_Skies

Struggling writer hoping to make dreams come true
Dec 27, 2020
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If this is a small enough town that a new girl is that exciting, it’s also small enough that activity like this would create a disturbance, and a passerby or store owner is likely to intervene before Dad arrives. Or maybe Joanna herself intervenes?
That's true . . . but it's a bus stop on the outskirts of town, with not a lot of other things nearby.


How many boys are involved? Sounds like maybe four…not a large gang.
Yeah, four is correct.


Why do they want her to hang out with them? Do they know who she is? Is she exceptionally attractive?
They're tired of the other girls in town (and vice versa), and want someone new to fool around with. She's not super over-the-top attractive, but she's got spark and attitude.

So tell me honestly: is this all too unrealistic? What should I do?
 

Zee

Mar 1, 2019
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That's true . . . but it's a bus stop on the outskirts of town, with not a lot of other things nearby.



Yeah, four is correct.



They're tired of the other girls in town (and vice versa), and want someone new to fool around with. She's not super over-the-top attractive, but she's got spark and attitude.

So tell me honestly: is this all too unrealistic? What should I do?

Do they know she’s come to stay? Or are they just hoping for a five-minute flirtation?

I don’t think it’s necessarily unrealistic, but I do think you want to have everyone involved behaving in a logical, even somewhat predictable, manner.

While character actions that are too predictable are boring, and not necessarily realistic (because people aren’t always as predictable as we’d like to think) characters doing random things arbitrarily for the sake of the plot are also unrealistic. Because people have good reasons (at least in their own minds) for everything they do.
 

Grey_Skies

Struggling writer hoping to make dreams come true
Dec 27, 2020
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Do they know she’s come to stay? Or are they just hoping for a five-minute flirtation?
They don't know anything, other than she's a new girl, and they're teenage guys with hormones going on.


. Because people have good reasons (at least in their own minds) for everything they do.
Right. So these teenage guys are just being stupid jerks. Too unrealistic? 😜
 
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Zee

Mar 1, 2019
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You know, why don’t you write the scene and share it? Then we’ll have something concrete to go by.
 
May 24, 2017
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As an unwise father, I run over there with a baseball bat and have a good old slugfest with anyone thinking about looking at my daughter. Likely I get beaten up and maybe die. I don't help my daughter any.

As a wise father I let my daughter walk over to me at the car. I make myself look tall and imposing, maybe make eye contact with the gang leader. Let him know that I'm in charge and no one gets hurt on my watch. Quietly hug my girl and drive away.
 

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