On a day like today, as the rain gently falls across the window of my quiet log home I hear only your voice my Father, My God. And that is exactly where I long to be. Tabernacled with you during Sukkot, in the private place of our Wedding Feast. As we celebrated the opening night and I sat in your presence my Lord, I saw your eyes of love upon me! And I thought of all those women throughout biblical history whom you chose to be in relationship with you as you built the nation of Israel. Sarai, who became Sarah, your princess when you blew your breath of life into her. Rachael whose womb was also closed until you breathed the life of Jacob into her. Bathsheba, who was taken in adultery and humbled as she was wed to the King. A woman scorned by others, barren as the wife of the Hittite, and punished for her sin! Yet she bore for you and the kingdom of Israel, the "greatest" king: Soloman who built your temple.
Lord, I ask; what of a humble woman like me who only longs to be wed to Love, in Yeshua, in Christ her Lord and Savior? What of that relationship ?
You do have that intimacy, dear ones. As you desire to come to me, to sit quietly within our chamber, you receive all of my attention. You are singled out and set apart for my purpose, You will bear my image, birthed in you and share the passionate Love I share with you for the redemption of all My children. I alone can alter your character so that you reflect my image, my Perfection. And I long for your Love as you Long for mine. This Marriage of the Supernatural Spirit, the Holiness of God and the mundane earthly existence was created in my Mind long before you were created. Our contract, our commitment is secure. And because you are the apple of my eye, you will dance with great joy when I present you before the Father, my Bride of Christ. Continue to light you lamps and await my coming. Be prepared in every hour of every season. Behold, I have gone to prepare a place for you. And in the Father's time I will return to take you to be with me, where I Am.
a lost sheep scattered in the field
I followed the grass in the wind and away I went.
In my thoughts I wondered where could this take me,
I hungered for more than what was present.
Lost, and among wolves out to get me I am far from where I was.
Death was out to get me enemies who I knew not, there was.
I ran from, to where I thought was safe but I was lost.
Did I have a shepherd?
I did not but I was my own so I thought.
Chased and fell into a pit there is no hope for me
I sought for a way but could not,
A hand reached out in the depths, a light shined through and pierced my soul
The shepherd of my soul, i thank thee for finding me.
“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
Can I be frank? Thanks, here it comes (me being frank). I struggle with doing the right thing. I mean, I feel as if there’s a disconnect between my head and my heart. Not simply that my head doesn’t know what is wrong or sinful and I sometimes stumble into sin. No, on the contrary, my head not only knows that something is sin, but it also knows all the reasons and sub-points of its very sin nature, why God considers it sin, and even what the consequences will be.
And yet even though my mind can give you a complete PowerPoint presentation on why it is a sin, all of that can be thrown out of the window and I am ready and available to willingly participate in it when my heart introduces one of two thoughts: “It’s too much fun to give up” or “I don’t care”.
I am inclined to remind the heart that proposes the first that of course it’s fun. Let’s be honest, sin wouldn’t be tempting if it wasn’t fun. We would look a vile of poison that we know is dangerous and still be inclined to have our fill of it. But like the poison, the problem is sin costs far more than you bargain for. Repetition of sin, I’ve noticed, tends to slowly chip away pieces of you. Sometimes the pieces are so small that you don’t notice. That is until you have formed it into a habit, you will see hollow pieces of yourself missing from where they once were.
I challenge the heart that petitions “It’s too much fun to give up” how much value would you place on that fun. In addition, I would suggest that both inner peace and the intimate presence of God should be arguably more.
The second, “I don’t care”, shames me to say that it is more often than not the response I give. So I speak louder to the hearts that propose it as I say that one of the deadliest places you can be with sin is not caring about. It is also one of the loneliest places you be.
A heart that has grown cold to what is damaging to the soul is one that needs to be reminded that it is loved. I would incline it to remember its own redemptive story and the author of which. In result, it will begin to warm the heart that has grown so cold it is no longer able to feel.
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Sometimes I think I am, without knowing it, using sin to test God. Unfortunately, I may feel as if I am going to prove God wrong this time. I’m going to sin one more time and He will not forgive me; this will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But oh no, he still finds grace for me. Good, I am relieved and have dodged a bullet. That is until I stray away and test him again. Then I will be able to say “I knew it; I knew you could not continually forgive someone like me. Me, someone who runs to do evil and delights in wrong-doing.”
But sweet child of God, you can lift your eyes. It is devastating and utterly saddening that the world has broken us so far down to such a state that even after we have seen mountains move and seas split we still find it troubling to trust the One who has never changed and never lied. No no no, take comfort beloved child of God. He has proven to be faithful to even the most evil of sinners who turn to trust in him.
I want you to know something, something you may not believe. You are loved. And no, I don’t mean the batted eyelashes, kissing in front of a sunset, holding hands down a trail in the park, Hollywood love. No, I mean the sacrificial, undoubtable, selfless love of God.
I know this may seem like a drawn out way to say “Jesus loves me this I know…” but it bears much more weight than that, We have, actually, I think, grown numb to the fact that God’s love for us is unlike any love that we have seen or experienced before. Paul says that it is an everlasting love. It’s everlasting because God himself is everlasting and everything He is embodied love, love for you.