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    Jesus disciple

    Prayers, we've  all  been  hearing  about  it,  not  only  do  we  hear,  it  has  become  the  habit  of  many,  well  not  everybody,  but most  of  us,  even  a  criminal  prays  before  he  goes  on  a  heist.
    Prayers  are  good,  it  is  a  very  important  aspect  of  a  man's life  here  on  earth,  as  long  as  you  are  born  of  flesh  you  must  pray,  even  Jesus  the  son  of  God  prayed  when  he  came  down and  wore  flesh,  why?  because  though  we  are  flesh,  in  order  to  be  connected  to  the  spiritual  there  are  barriers,  thick clouds  that  needs  to  be  breached,  and  unless  with  prayers  you  cannot  be  connected  to  the  Father.
    Whatever  manifests  in  the  physical,  already  has been in  the  spiritual,  and  you  cannot  receive  anything  from  God  except  you become  spiritual  through  prayers,  because  God  is  spirit.  That's  why  although  Jesus  was  all  powerful  but  when  he  came to  the  flesh  He  was  restricted  and  has  to  follow  the  natural  spiritual  principle  to  break  the  flesh,  to manifest  that  which  God  has  given  Him.
    In  this  we  say;  prayer  is  communion  with  God,  not  just  for  our  earthly  desires  but  more  importantly  for  the  crossing  of our  spirit  man  to  be  connected  back  to  the  Father. We can also  say  prayer  is;
     - journey  to  God
     - Running  to  God
     - Walking  with  God
     - Being  in  God's  presence  and  glory.
    No matter  how  we put  it,  it  all  sums  up as relationship between God and man. Prayer  is  the  spiritual  key to restore  us back  to  our relationship  with  God  which  we  had  lost  because  of  sin.
    I  see  so  many  people  pray  today,  though  they  thought  they  are  praying,  but  they're  not.  Everybody  prays,  but  not  all  that prays, pray. God  wants  us  to  pray  to  be  restored  back  to  Him,  He  doesn't  wants  us  to  just  pray  about  blessings,  healing, all  these  are  good,  but  our  heavenly  Father  knows  what  we  need.  He  said;
    " Do  not  worry  about  your  life,  what  you  will  eat;  or  about  your  body,  what  you  will  wear."
    God  does  not  want  us  to  pray for blessings,  yes! It's good if  the  time  calls  for  it,  if  he  gives  you  a  revelation  you  should, but  if  not, you  shouldn't, because only the obedient are blessed, why ask him for blessing when he already knows He'll bless you, just thank Him. We should focus  on  our  spiritual  growth, we've demanded too much from God, it's time for God to demand from us.  Why  should  you  neglect  your  spiritual  growth  and continue praying  selfish  prayers  of  blessings,  you  want  the  Father  to  give,  but  you  don't  want  to  pray  to  receive  His  spirit  so  you can  live  and  carry  out  His  business.
    He that  is  born  of  God  doesn't  need  to  pray  about  all  these,  because  already  the  promises of  God's word stands  sure, and  He has spoken  and  written  that  whoever  obeys  His  word  shall  be  blessed  in  all  his  ways. So  many  promises  He  has given,  why  then  should  you  pray  for  blessing  when  God  already  knows  you  need  blessing.  All  you  need  is  obedience  to His  word  and  all  His  promises  and  blessings  shall  follow.
    Today, everybody  wants  to  pray,  even  an  unbeliever  prays  why?  because  it  has  become  a  traditional  being  born  in  a church,  they  pray  selfish  prayers  and  continue  in  their  sin.  It  is  terrible  for  a  corrupted  man  to  pray,  because  it  is  an abomination  in  the  sight  of  God.  The  prayers  of  a  saints  are  like  a  sweet  fragrance  offering  unto  God,  but  when  a  sinner prays  it's  like  an  offering  with  such  a  terrible  smoke  that  will  make  your  eyes  tear  up  and  cough  out  your  internals.
    It  is also  dangerous  for  an  unbeliever  to  pray,  because  he  is  challenging  his father the  devil,  and  when  the  devil  sees  who  is trying  to  command  him,  he'll  so  deal  with  him  and  his  conditions  will  be  worse  than  before.
    Church  goers  aren't  spiritual,  they  don't  have  the  spirit  of  Christ  in  them, and so they cannot pray because  of  their  evil ways. It  is  the holy  spirit  that  prays  in  a  man,  not  the  man.  If  you  pray  on  your  own  strength, arranged  and  planned  prayers, then  know  you  do  not  have  the  spirit  that  prays,  if  you  have  the  spirit  that  prays  then  you don't  need  to  plan,  He  gives  you  a  revelation  or  topics  and  then  he  prays  through  you  even  for  hours,  he  gives  you  what  to say.
    Everybody  wants  to  pray,  but  nobody  wants  to  study  the  scripture,  most  people  wake  up  every  morning,  they  pray  their selfish  prayer,  but  don't  want  to  study  the  scripture. Prayers  without the substance word of God dominating a man to back it up is without power and authority. The measure,  the  degree  the  word  of  God  dominates  your  heart,  to  that  extent  the  power  of  God  is  released when you pray.
    I  have  said  before  that  prayer  without  the  word  is  useless,  the  two  can't  walk  alone,  without  the  word  dominating  your heart  which  is  Jesus  you  cannot  pray,  because  it  is  His  spirit  that  prays  in  a  man  and  if  His  spirit  is  not  in  you  how then  can you  talk  to  Him.  You  now  see  why  the  devil  cut  many  off  who  are  church  goers,  even  some  born  again, from  taking  up  the word.
    Have  you  ever  wondered why the  devil  allows one to  pray,  but  he  never  allows  him  to  study  the  scripture?  when  I say  " study "  I  don't  mean  to  cram,  i  mean; meditating on it  slowly,  attentively  and  repeatedly,  for  it  is  food  for  your  spirit  man growth.  You  don't  study  it  to  peach  it,  you  study  it  for  your  growth  for  it  is  food  for  your  soul.
    Except  you  do  this  you  can't  have  the  spirit  of  Christ  and  this  is  why  most  people  aren't  born  again, because they  don't  have  the  word  in  them  which  is  Jesus  and  except  you  have  His  spirit  you  can't  enter  God's  kingdom,  because His  spirit  in  us  given  through  His  word  is  our  identity  as  children  of  God.  Though  you  can  be  saved  by  grace,  but  unless you  pay  the  price,  going  back  to  the  word  to  attain  the  spirit  of  Christ,  surely  you'll  fall  back  into  your  sin,  because  it  is  the word  that  strengthen  by  His  spirit.
    You  now see why the devil  stops  a  man  from  study  the  word,  because  he  know  the  power  in  it,  he  knows  that  it  is  life,  for the  word  is  life  and  that  life  is  Jesus,  if  you  don't  have  that  life  in  you  how  can  you  give  life, this is why  most prayers  aren't  answered.  You  cannot  give  what  you  do  not  have,  how  can  you  breath  life  into  a  dead  plant  when  you  don't have  life  in  you,  but  the  man  who  does  can  make  it  happen.  Go  back  to  the  word,  for  it  is  the  power  of  salvation  of  our soul  and  our  restoration  unto  God  to  manifest  His  spirit.
    Except  a  man  is  spiritual,  he  cannot  pray,  if  not  his  prayer  will  be  meaningless,  and  often  times  destructive.  Prayer  is  by  the  spirit  of  God,  just  as  worldliness  is  a  fruit  of  the  devil,  so  also prayer  is  of  the  Holy  spirit,  how  then  can  you  say  you  have  the  spirit  of  Christ  and  cannot  pray  in  spirit.
    Drop  your fake speaking in  tongues, if you do, and  let's  see  if  you  can  pray  for  over  an  hour,  not  on  blessing , but  concentrating  only  on spiritual  growth issues. Then you'll see  that  any one  who  doesn't  meditate  on  the  word  of  God  as  a  food  for  his  souls  daily,  day and  night  is  not  of  God or is a weak Christian.
    John 6:53
    Jesus  said; " unless you  eat the  flesh of the Son of man and  drink his blood  you  have no life in you."
    In  other  words;  except  you meditate  on His word  in  obedience,  letting  it  dominant  your  heart  you  cannot  drink of His blood, which  is  the  holy spirit.  You  cannot  have  His  spirit  without  the  word,  for  after  the  word  cometh  the  spirit,  and  this  is  where  most  church goers  have  failed.
    I'll  always  talk  about  the  spirit  of  Christ  for  this  is  the  age  of  the  spirit  and  excepts  the  holy  spirit  dwells  in  a  man  he  is lost  in  the  last  generation.  The  holy  spirit  will  always  speak  through  me  and  he'll  always  give  a  remedy  for  the  treatment  of our  spirit  man  wounds, only if we let him treat us.


    Nights like these are very difficult for me to endure. My mind races as memories come pouring out and lies come floating to the surface. Abroad comes what once was hidden and broken again becomes my heart. Realizing these truths that stayed hidden deep in the depths of my mind to protect me until I was strong enough to bear it. It cripples my emotions and sets my body in agony as one pours after another. Lights turn on and reality strikes as the present becomes riddled with new bouts of information. Changing my perception, my reality and my understanding of what life once was and now is. I ponder at my new found freedom and understanding that is imprisoned in my mind.
    As I am pulled into the past I cannot leave so vastly the present. My heart lies strongly here as does my loyalty. I am a wife a mother and a friend and I love those I call family. My heart does not know friend or foe therefore I am overwhelmed by false instruments of this world. For now my heart lies still. Awaiting the answers to come from the only Source. Until the end I will stand firm in truth, word and spirit.

    Jesus disciple

    If  a  kingdom  is  divided  against  itself  it  cannot  stand,  so  is  the  kingdom  of  God.
     You see God cannot  oppose  what  is  of  Him,  He  cannot  stop  someone  from  knowing  His  word  more,  neither  will  He prevent  one  from  praying  or  wanting  to  know  Him  more.  In  essence  what  I'm  trying  to  say  here  is  ;  its  not  the  will  of  God to  prevent  one  from  meditating on His word, it is  the  spirit  of  God  in  a  man  that drives him, giving him  the  desire and hunger to  want  more  of  His  word,  more  of  Him.
    The devil knows how much me need God's word in our lives, he knows the delivering power, he knows it is the source of our salvation, he knows that when we grow in God's word we become more like God in His wisdom, His power, His nature and so he frustrates a man from spending time with God in His word. If you can't pick up the scripture to study, if you don't enjoy the word of God, know then that you're not born again, because it is the holy spirit in a man that gives him such desire. And except you're born again of the spirit of Christ you cannot have his spirit.
    Have you ever wondered why the devil never stops a man from praying but will do everything in his power to hinder a man from God's word. Although some  of  us  have  the  spirit  of  God  in  us  but,  still  not  meditate on  His  word  day  and  night,  why? Because, the holy spirit has  not  yet  taken  hold  of  our  heart, your heart is not yet filled with the property of Christ giving  the devil chances to  deprive  you  of  His  word. It's just  like  when  one  buys  a  remote  control,  if  he  puts  two  battery  in  it, one  being  the  right  size  the  other  not,  will  the  remote  function  properly,  that's  how  it  is,  as  long  as  the  wrong  battery  is  in it,  which  is  a  property  of  the  devil  in  your  heart,  you  can't  fully  do  God's  will,  or  desire  him.
    The  word of God is power,  the word is life anyone  who  does  not  have  God's word in him  does  not  have  life because that life is Jesus.
     Jesus  has  come  and  gone  physically  but  still,  He  has  always  been  with  us  and  the  only  way  we  can have access to Him is through His  word  in  the  bible. No  one  can  come to the  father  except  through  Jesus. Some people  pray  and  pray  but  God  doesn't  answer  because  of  sin. But  still  some  born  again  pray  according  to  God's  will, still  their  prayers  don't  get  immediate  answer, it's  not  like  God  isn't  hearing, it’s  because  of  how much the  word dominates their heart.
     If  two  people  pray  the  same  prayer,  one  will  get  his  prayer  answered  fast  compared  to  the  other,  why?  because  of  how much he has fed  on  the  word,  for  example  ;  if  one  meditates  on  the  word  with  all  his  heart  three  times  a  day  and the  other  once  a  day,  the  former  will  get  his  prayer  answered  faster  than  the  latter.  The  more  you  study  his  word  the more  you  draw  closer  to  God, the more the power of God grows in you. Jesus  said
    " run  to  me  and  I'll  run  to  you."
    The  one  who  meditates  three  times  run's  faster than  he  who  meditates  once  a  day.
    John 6:53
     " unless  you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink of his blood, you have no life in you."
     This flesh is the word, the bread of life which " Jesus " and the blood is the spirit of God, " the holy spirit." If  you  feed  on  the  word  always  which  is  Jesus ,  you grow continually and  it'll  get  to  an  extent  when the  life  you  live,  you're  no  longer  the  one  living, but  Christ  living  in  you.  The  word  of  God  is  life,  if  Christ  is  not dominating  you  how  can  you  speak  life  unto  a  dead  plant  and  tell  it  to  grow.  But  a  man  who  meditates  on  the  word  and in  obedience,  once  he  opens  his  mouth  to  speak,  he  speaks  life  into  any  situation  because  he's  no  longer  the  one speaking  but Jesus the source of   life  in  Him.
     It  all  depends  on  how much  you  let  his  word  dominate  your  heart. That's  why  a  Christian  will  pray  and  get  his  answer  late  but  when he  meets  a  prophet  or  another  of  his  brethren  grounded  in  the  word  of  God,  when  that  prophet  or  brethren  prays  it happens  immediately.  These  prophets  are  no  different  from  you,  though  some  of  them  were  called  like  John  the  Baptist who was filled  with  the  holy  spirit  right  from  birth,  but  still,  what  they  do,  you  can  do also, all you need is yielding  to the holy spirit,  it  just  takes  sacrifice,  losing your  life,  your  pleasure  and  all to   follow Jesus. After  all  Jesus  said; Mark 16:17
    " And  these  signs  shall accompany those who believe; in  my  name they  shall  cast  out  demons; they'll speak in new tongues; they'll pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they'll get well. "
     He's  not  talking  to  pastors or prophets  only,  He  is  talking  to us. People  these  days  don't meditate on the scriptures, the  only  time  they  pick  it  up  is  on  a  Sunday,  they  just  take  it  as  one  of  their  accessories  so  they  won't  feel awkward.  There  was  a  friend  of  mine,  he  brought  out  his  bible  and  surprisingly,  roaches  came  crawling  out  of  it.
     People run after the riches of the world neglecting Jesus, the devil you're running after for blessing, who created him and gave him the power. Have  you  ever  heard  Jesus  being  a  poor  man,  have  you  ever  heard  him  lack,  even  when  he  didn't  have  money  to  pay  the temple's  tax  he  commanded  peter  to  catch  a  fish,  and  in  the  mouth  of  the  first  fish  he  would  find  two  drachma  coins. Now you see if  the  word  of  God  dominates  your  soul  which  is  Jesus  living  in  you,  how  then  will  he  let  you  lack  when  he himself  cannot  lack. Jesus will only bless you to your contentment, he won't give   you too much and neither will he give you too little, and his blessings comes with peace.
    It doesn't  mean  you  must  be  a billionaire  first,  God  will  bless  you  in  such  a  way  you  won't  runaway  from  His  presence.  It's  only  the counterfeit blessings  of  devil  that draws  man  away from  God or probably  if  it  is  Gods  blessing  and  the  devil  gives  him  too  much  pride, making  him forget  God  is  the  giver.
    Luke 12:6-7
    " Are not five  sparrows  not sold for two  pennies?  yet,  not  one  of  them is  forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs of your hair are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
     People  should  think  again,  men  makes  lots  of  business  plans  but  they  always  neglect  the  first  priority,  the  first  in  the scale  of  preference  which  is  his  word has been forsaken. Meditate  on  his  word  henceforth,  and  you'll  see  a  change  in  your  life,  a  life  without  fear  and  worry  and  a  life  that  draws you  closer  to  God  to  hear  from  Him  more  clearly.  God  wants  to  speak  to  men,  but  we  just  like  occupying  our  hearts  with the  things  of  this  world.
    Meditate  on, and obey His  every word,  I  tell  you  no  mountain  will  be  too  great  for  you, you  can  bend  any  situation  for  you favor,  if  it  pleases  God that is.


    I actually really dislike typing in WORD, which I am doing now. It has such a technical feel. I am a designer you see. I have been a designer for as long as I can remember. I wanted nothing better, when I was a child, to be able to paint beautiful colours, and draw exceptional, detailed graphic illustrations. My granddad was an opera singer and artist. His ‘Alley’s Room’ – named such after a great big, shaggy Alsatian we had as a child, that a neighbour eventually had to shoot, when Alley was too blind and weak to move anymore – I remember my father’s tears as Alley’s body lay under a green sheet, spread out on the lawn, on the front garden, outside our farm house. Granddad's Alley’s room was filled with paintings, work’s in progress, illustrations, pots of brushes, pastels, oil paints and the like. Another room held the pottery and clay, and if I am not mistaken, there may have been a kiln, but that is really too far in the past now for me to remember. I was so little you see. We were surrounded by art, dance & singing, that I really could not imagine doing anything else with my life, other and create beautiful things. It’s a funny thing though, as out of all the cousins and family members, I must be the least talented of everyone. I have always looked at my cousins in awe of their abilities, and my brother, who can paint a detailed ship at sea, from memory.
    However, this is not why I am writing. I am writing as I cant help it. I am compelled to write, even though, I am aware, that this too, is something I struggle with. So if you are looking for prose and poetry, correct spelling and grammar, this is not the place for you. But if you want a story about faith, hope, life, struggle, deep waters, defeat and a determination to trust and hold onto something I cant see, but need every day, then maybe we can read together. Maybe something will speak to you. Maybe He will speak to you. Maybe somehow, in the story, of on-going struggle, determination & hope there is strength for you and me?
    I am a single mommy now. It’s been at least 30 years since Alley’s room and our beautiful farm, with the green lucerne fields and massive mulberry trees, where my brother and I spent the first few years of our childhood.  All of that is gone now. Now it’s just me, and my 3 little children. The oldest 2 are adopted, you must know. My ex-husband and I could not have kids, and I could not imagine my life without children. And then, Rosie was born. From nothing she appeared and I have been gifted with the most incredible children anyone could ask for. They are the air I breathe. Now it’s just us. And, then there is God. He is stepping up you see. There is no-one else to help me look after this family – so he is everything right now, infused in everything I do. He sustains me everyday, as I stumble through the challenges of this world.
    You would think though, as I have seen His provision again and again, and as I announce Him to everyone as the best husband ever, as I have dedicated my days to listening and hearing and giving what I can to be more like Him, that I would stand stronger. That I would know better. But I don’t. The thing is, it’s not God that will let us down in the challenges of life – its us. He is faithful in all he does. It’s the fear that I will let the team down. That I wont hear correctly, that I wont follow His guidance, that my fears and selfishness will steal away the promises He has for me. And I think, that this is something many believers struggle with. Not that God is going to let us down, but that I am going to bring about self destruction.
    And so, each day starts in a panic. Which is strange don’t you think? I did not go to bed in a panic. In fact, most evenings I am up late, working, trying, building, coping. Then the morning comes, and a dark fear grips my heart – what if I wont make it. What If I cant look after us? What if I let the children down. What if … it brings such doubt and silent hysteria to my mind and incredibly, returns every morning to taunt me. These demons of self-pity and doubt. It takes a good 20-30min of prayer and strong coffee to get me going and my prayers feel distracted, lost and unclear. I yearn for encouragement from His word, like the desert needs water. I cling to Psalms and stories of God’s favour and victories for His people. I try and memorise scriptures to be ready for the day’s battle – reminding me all day of his promises to protect, love, provide – a hope and a future, plans to prosper and not to harm, for His spirit to be poured out of my descendants, that in this world, the one gift I could leave my children, is the gift of faith, beyond anything else. And here I am, in tears, in front of my computer. Self doubt clawing at my ankles and whispering in my ears. Have I let the team down today? Will He come through despite all my weaknesses and failings? Please Lord, work despite me.
    Lately, to help get the kids out of bed early, we take an early morning walk just down the road, to feed Bella. Bella is a donkey, living in the middle of an abandoned prickly pear field. The kids ride their bicycles, while I try and jog next to them, holding a bag with apples. When Bella notices us on the way, she bellows and bleats and trots determinately to the old barbed wire fencing, pushing her great big head through the fence to fetch her juicy apples, that the kids delight in feeding her. She always allows us to rub her neck and pat her about her long, pointy soft ears until it’s time to go. So far, this has been the most effective way to get the kids up early. I feel much better too afterwards. The fresh morning air, the time spent with my children and the pretty sunrise, always seem to bring a new kind of hope. This is day the Lord has made, after all – it is a gift.

    Jesus disciple

    A friend  of  mine  was  shocked  when  I  told  him  no  matter  how  you  look  at  it  the  population  of  human  in  heaven  are greater  than  that  of  hell.  Yes  thousands  of  people  troop  into  hell  each  day,  but  no  matter  how  much  they  are,  they  can't be  compared  to  heaven  even  though  people  do  stroll  into  heaven,  I  mean  they  are  few  who  enters  everyday.  You'd wonder  why  I  still  say  heaven's  citizens  is  more.
    God  is  not  a  loser,  He  can't  and  will  never  loose  to  his  arch  enemy  Satan,  He  is  the  Almighty,  and  will  never  lose  at anything.  The  devil  knows  that,  but  still  tries  even  though  he  knows,  why  won't  he  try  when  he  has  nothing  to  do.  Back  to the  subject.
    Here  was  the  deductions,  explanation  I  gave  him;
    I  think  I've  said  this  before,  Humans  have  been  living  in  this  world  for  millions  of  years. 
    According  to  UNICEF,  29,000  children  under  the  age  of  five  dies  daily,  approximately  11,000,000  children  annually.  Little children  will  enter  the  kingdom  of  God,  though  I  don't  know  the  age  limit,  but  I'm  sure  Children  under  the  age  of  five  will get  to  the  Kingdom  when  they  die.  Now  if  11,000,000  children  enters  the  kingdom  for;
    2000  years  you  have  =  22  billion  children
    6000  years  =  66  billion  children
    1,000,000  =  1  trillion  children
     Then  the  million  of  years  not  recorded  man  has  been  on  earth,  hasn't  that  account  for  trillions  of  humans  in  heaven. Then  add  the  number  of  grown  ups  which  are  in  heaven  now  how  much  do  you  think  it  would  give.  You  now  see  that trillions  of  humans  are  in  heaven  right  now.
    Even  though  most  grown  ups  who  died  are  sinners,  about  55.3  million  people  die  each  year,  including  children.  If  you subtract  children  from  this,  it'll  give  less  than  this  figure,  44.3  estimate,  Then  subtract  the  few  saints  let's  say  one  million, still the  value  of  sinners  is  much.  No  matter  how  you  look  at  it  there'll  always  be  more  death  rate  in  children  compared  to adults. 
     The  body  of  Hell  is  always  expanding,  and  will  continue  to  expand  to  assimilates  more  souls,  but  it  can  not  be  compared to  heaven,  having  trillions  of  angels  and  trillions  of  humans  and  all  of  God's  creation  we  don't  know.  Spirit  beings  can move  at  speed  faster  than  sound  in  heaven  but  still  not  get  to  the  end  of  heaven  on  time  (  i  don't  know  if  heaven  has  an end,  I'm  only  trying  to  express  something  )to  show  how  vast  and  glorious  it  is.
    In  summary,  God  will  never  play  a  game  He  will  lose,  no!  He  can  never  lose  at  any  game.  Even  when  He  made  a  bet  with the  devil  on  Job's  soul,  He  didn't  lose.  There'll  always  be  more  people  in  heaven  than  in  hell. Just  because  you  want  to  go  to hell  that  doesn't  means  everybody  will  follow  you.
     Those  of  you  who  keep  thinking  people  aren't  entering  the  kingdom  of  God,  keep  deceiving  yourself,  just  because  you have  considered  yourself  not  worthy  of  the  kingdom  doesn't  mean  others  aren't  entering. There  is  a  bell  ringing continually  in  heaven,  and  when  that  bell  rings,  it  signifies  a  soul  has  repented  from  sin.  Whether  you  don't  repent,  others will  and  will  enter.

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