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Beverly Waller

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About Beverly Waller

  • Birthday 09/01/1967

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  1. Leave the Hamster Wheel Behind I knew a man who pursued Christian knowledge. He strove to live for God. Great light flooded his mind on many subjects, and he delighted to share this treasure. But, he encountered Bible verses that he couldn't penetrate. Peace eluded him. He works for God's smile so that He will be welcomed home later. After searching, I found some Bible passages that may have burdened him. I want to remove the fears of others like him. When any of us doubts that Jesus' sacrifice was enough to save us, we struggle for salvation assurance. This produces endless anxiety and fear, and God grieves to see us live like that. One Bible passage that I hadn't understood, and others may struggle with, is this: “For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the world to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again to repentance,” (Heb. 6;4-6 KJV). I've learned that we have been given a hypothetical argument. It is saying that if it was possible for us to fall away, there would be no way for us to return. If we just read this passage on its own, it appears that God's gift could be lost. But that's not true. I looked up cross references for Hebrews 6:4 , and one of them is Matt. 13:20,211. Jesus told the parable of the sower, referring here to those who have stony soil. These people lacked saving faith. Like the stony soil, their hearts received the seed of the Word of God and embraced God with joy. But their new “faith” didn't survive the heat of persecution. The seed of the gospel could not get though the rocks to the deep rich soil and produce the strong roots needed to grow. They couldn't lose what they never had. Only those who receive the seed of the gospel into the good soil are saved, and their lives produce fruit that accompanies salvation, (Matt. 13:23). We are given these comforting words: “we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak, (Heb. 6:9 KJV).” We show by our lives that we're saved. In 1 John, we are told at a true believer obeys God and loves his brother. We do not love the world; The Holy Spirit teaches us; he helps us discern good from evil. We are righteous and do not habitually sin. We show sacrificial love to fellow believers. True faith in Jesus' redemption is ours. God answers our prayers. We have the witness of God in our hearts, and we keep ourselves pure. God is so good and faithful to assure us that we belong to him. I was confused by the passage of Heb. 10:26-31, like many others. But after studying it, I discovered that it's another hypothetical argument like Hebrews 6:4-6. The author used it to warn us not to live like unbelievers. Not because any of us could lose our salvation, but because we would lose heavenly rewards. (Hebrews 10:35). A few verses later, he assured them that they are not those who fall away, who lack saving faith. They are of “them that believe to the saving of the soul,” (Heb. 10:39 KJV). Another puzzling verse is in John 15, where Jesus seems to be saying that a believer who does not abide in him could be “cast...into the fire...and burned,” (John 15:6 KJV). Jesus was teaching us that unless we abide in Jesus, our branch (our life) will wither and die. The believer is not burned, but his works will be burned2. He won't receive any rewards. This man will still go to heaven; he will be saved from hell, but “as though by fire,” (1 Cor. 3:15 KJV). A Christian can be sure that he is saved. God says to those whom he has reconciled to himself, “If ye continue in the faith, grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel” (Col. 1:23 KJV).” That worried me until I found in Strong's Concordance that the Greek word for“if” in this verse can mean “forasmuch as, if, that”3 Paul is speaking to believers; Those who move away from God have not lost their salvation. But, sin has harmed their fellowship with God, as the withered branch pictures in John 15:7. The emphasis here is on God's work of salvation, not our work. Jesus has reconciled us to God and is sanctifying us. He will faithfully complete his work (Philippians 2:6) and present us to God “holy, and unblamable and unreprovable.” They will continue. In fact, “forasmuch as” fits the meaning best for verses 21-23. It means “since”, since you continue. True Christians continue. (Col. 1:22 KJV). This is God's wonderful work in us. For some, “work[ing] out [our] salvation with fear and trembling,” (Phil. 2:12 KJV) means living in fear and striving after doing good works, as the next verse tells us to do. But this isn't true, because the previous verses tell us about Jesus' humbling and his glory afterward. With his example in mind, we should live our lives with an humble reverence for God. We are promised that he will work in us to do good works that he wants us to do now. Paul tells us that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:38,39 KJV). We can trust that nothing can separate us from God's love. When God gives in love this most precious gift, it is securely ours. He will never take it back. When we tremble at the thought of losing it and do good works to keep it, we are trying to mix works and grace. We are redeemed by grace, and God will keep us safe until the end. “For by grace are ye saved, and that not of yourselves, it the gift of God,: not of works, lest any man should boast, (Eph. 2:8,9 KJV). Jesus gives us eternal life, not temporary security dependent on our efforts. If our works could save us, then Jesus didn't need to die for us on the cross. Paul tells us that if our salvation is by grace “then it is no more of works: otherwise is no more grace. But if it be of works, there is no more grace: otherwise work is no more work.” We either trust our works to save us, or we trust in God's wonderful salvation. Jesus gives to those to believe in him “eternal life: and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my hand,” (John 10:27-29 KJV). Heb. 6:17-19 also affirms our safety in the Father's hand. First, God assures us that God's counsels do not change. He is immutable. Second, God can't lie. We can take him at his word. Knowing these things, we can “have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us. Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth within the veil,” (Heb. 6:19 KJV). We can be sure, just as we can trust God himself. We can also trust that we are his forever, because when God saves each of us he puts a stamp of ownership inside—the Holy Spirit. His presence is a promise that Jesus will return to complete the his work in us. (Ephesians 1:7) The Holy Spirit is “the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.” Nothing will ever change the truth that we belong to Jesus. We can confidently hope and wait for Jesus to return and gain our inheritance. Then we will see Jesus and become like him because “we shall see him as he is,” (1 John 3:2 KJV). We can trust Jesus. Right now, he is our high priest in heaven interceding for us. “But this man, because he continueth ever, hath an unchangeable priesthood. Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them,” (Heb. 7:24,25 KJV). Jesus will keep us saved; our salvation will never end, because Jesus' intercession will never end. We are forever in the care of the Father. May God give us his peace as we read and meditate on his word. Endnotes 1 Hendrickson Publishers, The Treasury of Scripture Knowledge, Peabody, Maryland, 1982, 160. 2 McGee, J. Vernon, The Best of J. Vernon McGee, (Nashville:Thomas Nelson Inc., 1988), 117. 3 Strong, Henry, Strong's Concordance, https://biblehub.com/parallel/genesis/1-1.htm
  2. Thank you, Faithrev/! I'm so glad that you liked what you saw. But, I have to tell you that this site isn't my first one. I started over twice before creating the site you saw. This is the one I kept. So, I learned as I went. My guess from your user name is that you're a pastor! I'm glad to meet you, and I hope to hear from you again soon.
  3. Hi! I just took a look at the site. It looks like a fun and creative place to be! It's wonderful! Congratulations!
  4. Hello, EClayRowe, I'm sorry to hear that you can't read the text on my website. If you have access to a computer, you can read it there. My website is mobile friendly. Sadly, this status does not include cell phones. (I never imagined anyone trying to read my text that way.) I hope that you'll give the website another chance!
  5. I had dreaded my 50th birthday. Success in my life was hard to see, compared to others. I longed to know that I could make a difference in other lives through writing. Then I considered creating a website to reach this goal. Using website-builder websites, I pursued this project. However, I kept starting over, making it take more than a year. After my third attempt, I liked what I saw. Excitement gripped me as I poured myself into designing this website. It grew to fill my whole vision. Hours flowed by as I worked. I found myself mulling over more changes to make while sitting in church. One afternoon, I was in the computer room editing my website when the phone rang. While on the phone, I kept glancing at the website on the computer screen. I itched to get back to work. Soon after resuming editing, an error message appeared in bold red type. Alarmed, I also found a purple circle slapped onto my site’s log-in image. Bold red words told me that the site is blocked; contact the support team. My heart hammered. I searched for help, but found none. In an old email, I spotted a support team's help form. The form was sent. Trembling, and wiping my eyes, I turned the computer off and left the room. For the next several days, I checked the website. It still blocked me from seeing and editing the site. My emails to the support team emails disappeared into silence. Nothi.ng helped. I asked myself, had God taken away my website? Tears rolled down my face as I begged God to remove the block. Two weeks after the block began, I realized that I had made this website an idol. I had offended God. Instead of glorifying God, I had thought of the website as mine. It made me feel important, but insecurity was there too. Comparing myself with others, I came up short. I was afraid to share, yet I needed to share to find affirmation. Focusing on myself trapped me. That morning, I confessed and repented of my sin and found release. When I checked the website that afternoon, I sat and stared in wonder. The block was gone! Peace soothed my heart. The next day, I was astounded to find the support team's answer to the first email I'd sent. They said there had been a “technical error”, but I knew better. And God had prevented them from receiving anything I sent since then. I thank my Father for his loving discipline. After the painful discipline, God's words comforted me. Jesus said that “as the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments ye shall abide in my love, even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love,” (John 15:9,10). I want to abide in his love, and find in him everything I need. I remember what a guest speaker at church told us last year: success is doing what God has given you to do. (John 17:4) That’s what I had been striving for until I got off track. Ephesians 1:6 comes to mind. Jesus’ death on the cross cleansed me from sin, and made me “accepted in the beloved.” He now accepts me completely. I also turned to a reassuring verse God had given me: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end,” (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV). His thoughts about me are what counts. His thoughts are peace between himself and me, peace that was bought by Jesus' blood. He wants me to love, trust, and live to please Him. As I do, he will satisfy my heart.
  6. The emotional problems I had struggled with since July, 1984 became worse in 1997. A turmoil of scattered thoughts and depression had made that winter the worst I'd ever had. I had a part time job then as a hotel housekeeper. When winter ended, the darkest of my clouds lifted too, but I was dragging myself through each work day. At night I often lay awake, imagining things that could go wrong. In May, 1998, my friend Sarah* returned for her summer job. I had missed her since she'd left. Standing behind my cart, I saw her coming. Instantly my view turned from the dim hallway to the bright sunshine of her presence. I greeted and embraced her, and told her what had been happening. Ecstatic, I could only think of her, and sleep disappeared. After losing five nights in a row, I still tried to go to work. Not thinking or coping well, my work suffered. At the end of that day, I sobbed, releasing my pent-up anxiety with Sarah's help. I was soon forced to quit. I recovered a little bit during the summer, but that fall another long insomnia bout came. This made me frantic. Sleep loss like this made me dizzy if I got up to fast, walking around took longer, mind fog made thinking difficult, and I often cried. I called a good friend, and poured out my story to her. She urged me to call a clinic and make a doctor appointment as soon as possible. At the appointment, God surprised me by giving me a Christian nurse. She was gentle and kind as I described the July night demonic attack I believed had begun my troubles. A doctor examined me and gave me a questionnaire. She diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder, and prescribed the medication that I still take today. Although I'm glad to be stable on medication, my bad memory of that night still plagued me at times. My fears associated with it had lessened. But they were still there. In January, 2014, I talked to a nurse practitioner who explained that mental illness begins with hallucinations. Bewildered and upset, I did some research. What I had seen that long ago July night had to have been real! During the summer, I visited a naturopathic doctor for help curing insomnia. I've had this for years. He suggested sleep aids for me to try. Willing to try anything, I did just that for weeks. Nothing helped. Frustrated and depressed, I emailed him, telling him that nothing had worked. That same day, while going for an afternoon walk, I prayed. “Lord please heal me of this bad memory!” And slowly the truth dawned. I realized that what I remembered as a demonic attack, had not been real. God had assured me personally. As this truth soaked into my mind, great peace filled my heart. The doctor replied the next day. He wrote that bad memories can keep you awake, and offered to give me counseling. Knowing that he is a Buddhist, I declined. I thanked him for offering to counsel me, but that I wouldn't need it after all. God is the one who heals us. I'm so glad that I turned to him for help. But this peace was not the end of my story. In the fall of 2017, I was alarmed to read about what happens to those deeply involved in the New Age religion: they are controlled and used by demons, and later on they are tormented. Then the opening scene of the horror movie came back to me. It was called Exorcist. The title flashed in white jagged letters on a shadowy screen, accompanied by music repeating low trembling sounds that slid up to shrill ones for suspense music. The plot was a long drawn out battle between the exorcist and the demon in a possessed man; the demon finally left the man in the end. Satan was glorified because he had seemed the most powerful. And, I understood that watching the movie had dishonored my Savior. I asked God to forgive me. He had not protected me from the spiritual consequences of my sin. But God had graciously shielded me from remembering any of the movie until I could handle it. He had been healing me all along as I've read my Bible and prayed. Jesus has healed the wounds Satan caused, wounds that I had for 30 years! How merciful and good he is! “Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea our God is merciful. The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me. Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee,” (Psalm 116:5,6,7 KJV).
  7. In July 1984, everything was going well for me – until I read Romans chapter eight. I had been hunched over my Bible, excited to learn truths I'd never known. But I was frightened when I read Romans 8:9, thinking that I might not be safe from hell after all. I didn't understand that the Holy Spirit had already come inside me when I became a Christian. And I had no one to ask. Soon after this, I had a nightmare while lying awake. I was tense, afraid, and could not settle down. Later on, I'm not sure how late it was, I began to see what appeared to be scowling and leering Halloween masks rush at my face. Now rigid with fear, I gripped the sheets and breathed faster. I didn't know what was happening. The masks kept coming at me. It seemed like I was being attacked. I whimpered and cried. Another visitor showed up. A blob came out of the wall next to my door. It was green and had one large eye that glared at me. The masks kept coming at me, while I sweated and cried. I turned my head back and forth, and covered my eyes with the sheet. But nothing changed all that night. I couldn't talk about what I'd seen for a long time. There was no one I could talk to about this. I was depressed. Stumbling on now, my world seemed like a shadowy wilderness. My prayers seemed to bounce off my bedroom ceiling. But when I turned to the Bible I found some comfort. The book of Psalms became my friend. I could at least feel safe while reading it. It was hard to concentrate on my classes that fall, when I began 10th grade. The terror plagued me while I sat in class. My hands were sometimes slick with cold sweat. One day at the end of English class I was horrified that I had left a puddle of sweat on my desk. I wiped the desk dry with my sleeve, and hurried from the classroom. God was still there, though. I clung to favorite verses in the Psalms and prayed. I copied Psalm 43;5 and taped it inside my locker. The last part of it reads: “Hope thou in God; for he is the health of my countenance and my God.” I cried and prayed each time I read that verse. In October, I discovered Billy Graham's book, Peace With God. I read it all in one afternoon. As I came to the end of the book, a heavy weight rolled off of me. Peace soothed my fears away. My question was answered at last. The Holy Spirit had come inside when I believed in Jesus and repented from my sins. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thanked God. After a month of normal emotions, December brought the other extreme. I enjoyed watching The Nutcracker with my English class. Ecstatic with delight during and after watching the ballet, I was too wound up to sleep. The experience replayed for me all night. My emotional struggles continued all through high school. But God provided kind teachers and a counselor who helped me get through it all. My emotions were unstable; I couldn't sleep as well as I used to. Often I was anxious, easily upset, restless, or too excited. I became impulsive, saying whatever came to mind. If these problems had been all I had to deal with, life would have been much easier. But, I made a foolish mistake in 1987, the summer before I began college. One night I walked into our living room and found a horror movie starting on TV. I had never watched this kind of movie before. The music struck me with dread, and I was soon rooted to a chair to watch it all. Afterward, I didn't remember anything I had seen. But the lies and the terror of it stayed with me. I heard a low voice in my mind telling me, “You're alone!” I was too frightened not to believe it then. After watching that movie, doubts and fears kept me from trusting in God as much as I wanted to. I believed that demons had attacked me that July night. And for years I struggled with a terror of them. While attending college, fear ruled my life. I read and repeated Bible verses about God's love and protection and posted favorites on my dorm room wall, but their comfort was short-lived. Studying spiritual warfare frustrated me. I couldn't fully absorb and apply what I had learned or overcome my fears. In my last fall trimester in college, I went to a professor's office to ask about an assignment. I told her this, and turned to look at a large picture on the wall to my right. It was a horrifying image that was half man and half goat with large horns, and evil eyes that bored into me. After seeing how this image affected me, The professor took advantage of the situation to ask me about myself. I stumbled through it, too rattled to think well, and left. After leaving that office building, I was crying hard, and didn't stop for more than an hour. During this time, a dear friend took me to an empty classroom and tried to listen and sympathize. She couldn't comfort me, but I'm glad that she cared enough to try. It was the evil eyes in this image's face that had terrified me. They shocked me into remembering the horror of of that July night.
  8. Fred Rogers and his show are fond memories for me too. Thanks so much for writing about him and applying what you learned from him to writing. It was so encouraging!
  9. I submitted new blog posts yesterday. Two of them were just edited to direct people them on their new website. I had originally posted them when there was a Publishing Credits section. Three others were submitted in the new Blog section. Why didn't the new ones appear in the new section? I looked for them, and didn't find them. They only appear in my profile. Is the blog forum for blog posts, or entire websites? Help! I'm confused.
  10. In college, Campus Crusade for Christ was everything to me. Their teachings drew me, and influenced me for years, until I was able to turn from them.
  11. I discovered that my Jesus pictures were idols. Shocked, I quickly researched this, and found that it is true. But dealing with it was a difficult struggle.
  12. Beverly Waller

    A Heavenly Focus

    The Bible teaches that an eternal perspective gives direction and hope. Through a study in 1 Timothy, I share what that means and how to apply it right now.
  13. Dear Lynn, Thanks for your details on what I can fix to improve the website. I'm glad I know someone who knows all about making and maintaining a website! I'll work on those suggestions as soon as I can. As for the website name, I have a free website. It has to include "jimdofree" in the name. The newest blogs are listed first, a two part blog called Tangled Memories. The blogs are also divided into categories now, something I recently learned about. I hadn't thought about including an About page this time, since it isn't an author website. I do have a short section on the Home page called "About Me", and it includes my picture. I'm glad you approve of my work so far, but a lot of it is thanks to the web builder website I've been using. There are people behind the scenes who know the computer languages and provide me what I need. Thanks!
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