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Celebrianne

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Celebrianne last won the day on January 5 2018

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About Celebrianne

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  • Birthday 11/05/1975

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  1. @Zee nailed it. I think the name works, clearly being a cross between the Netherlands and Norway, but it pulls in the gritty, dark overtones that @Amosathar pointed out. Countries don't sue because you are making up fictional world about them, or Pixar would be in total trouble... Nowhere do you get to play with word nuance more than proper names. It can be amazing when you find just the right one. Have fun!
  2. I can certainly empathize with your desire to invite others into your experience, @Amosathar, and if you are introducing me to a place I've never been, I'll want to be well oriented to what you are picturing. But as I point out in the article, this is a kind of detailed writing as a rule went out of fashion ages ago. Perhaps your writing could benefit from Coco Chanel's advice to over-accessorizing woman: Describe as you like, but before you send it out into the world take something back out. Uncomfortable as it may be to let your words take on a life apart from you, the magic of the written form happens when we leave some ingredients for the reader to add.
  3. Well, now that you mention it, God didn't have Moses tell Pharaoh how bad it was going to be for him up front either!
  4. Sure thing. It's here: And they will listen to your voice, and you and the elders of Israel shall go to the king of Egypt and say to him, ‘The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us; and now, please let us go a three days' journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to the Lord our God.’ But I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless compelled by a mighty hand. Exodus 3:18-19 ESV And all I meant by "with Pharaoh" was that they weren't sharing with him, not that they would do anything *to* him. Sorry about that!
  5. Adorable! I especially like how you point out how simple God's way of guiding Adam and Jonah was. This leaves so much room for me to be a thinking, mature person as I carry out his plan. In flip side version of communication, I remember the first time I read about how God told Moses to conceal what the Israelites were actually going to do with Pharaoh. God himself told his prophet to not be forthcoming about the real plan. It was mind blowing to realize God doesn't subscribe to the "whole truth" version of talking. He's quite comfortable keeping people in the dark about important things when it suits his purposes.
  6. Everyone is pointing out important things about setting, and you've nailed it well, Paul. I know it can drive us crazy to read details (even names) that don't enhance the story. If you mention something, I'm going to always assume you took the trouble of writing it for a reason... Which, by the way, comes in to play as I read the Bible. God himself includes odd details that he's required copyists to bother with for millennia. Why? Usually I find out something fascinating when I start digging into a passage with that perspective.
  7. Fabulous! I struggle to use more senses than just the eyes, but only adding in one at a time sounds practical enough to actually do. And it sounds like you are natural at doing verbal setting well. I'd be right there with that cold mist and roar. It's Niagara, right? 😉
  8. I like what you're doing here. And you've hit it that a light touch works better than too much building a setting. The only thing on this particular descriptor along with "regal" and "mighty" is you are flirting so close to the edge of telling not showing I would suggest a specific description that gives the same impression instead. Show me how the white-haired man holds himself ramrod straight with his eyes narrowed at the clerk behind the counter. In the real world we usually can't be sure it's 'pride' rather than some other attitude (like fastidious) until they start to speak. Show me what makes the castle different from others. Is it many turreted with red banners whipping in the wind? Is it a massive block of dull black stone with only narrow slits for eyes? Show me.
  9. If you give enough detail for me (the reader) to orient myself, you aren't at all on the poorly side. And, yes, many of us don't care for lots of detail--especially if it goes on and on. I love the girl's quote, it's so true! And for me, I can tone down the unpleasant stuff (like in Lord of the Rings) to a level I can bear while taking my time with the beautiful things. 🙂
  10. I'd love to hear how you deal with this 'drawback' of the written form, or, examples of authors who use this well (or poorly): https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/sketch-setting-cheri-fields/
  11. I like the opening, but the rest is cliched. I'd rework after the Chosen One. But you're learning to elevator pitch quickly. Have fun!
  12. I used that to show up how outrageously overpriced they are. And, there is a point at which you do get what you pay for. I've spent a fair amount of money in my own education. I can't remember who taught me this, but you can go free and put in the time and effort to sift through everything slowly for yourself or you can pay someone who's already done that work for you. Also, at the moment I'm in a class I paid for because I want to understand my own strengths and weakness. At some point a person willing to take time with *me* deserves to be compensated for their time and expertise. But, I've spent far more time utilizing free resources; both are good as long as you don't knock paying to fast track your learning.
  13. "the series is inspired by a single line out of Revelation...the first book in a fantasy series...about prophecy and fate. While some authors use the "Chosen One" thing as a plot device, I'm using it as a major theme...themes of faith, our struggle with faith, Grace, and the nature of evil." Now, this is starting to interest me!
  14. I'd do it for a 10th the price and be thrilled!
  15. Could be tightened a good bit. When every word counts, use only the ones you *must.* So, only 2 verbs in the first sentence, change "creation" to something that tells us this is a space odyssey, no last name, drop "chosen," tighten the whole "this distant world from a creature known only as the Demon King" to maybe 5 words. And then you have room to tell us why your book isn't just a 'chosen hero the 3,406th' story!
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