Patrik
12-22-2006, 08:47 PM
”He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church? (1Tim 3:4-5).
Some time earlier Paul is saying, “Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task (1Tim 3:1).
I want to speak little bit about manage your family as a minister. We all know from history that many ministers have not been managing their family life and sometimes, in fact, too often the minister divorce his or her spouse. The answers of why they separates can be many but they all end up in this, “he (or she) cannot manage to take care of the family.”
I have not been working so long in fulltime ministry but during these years I have met too many pastors that have divorced from their wives. In almost every case it was the women that wanted to leave. Why? There are many reasons but often it was because he was too occupied in the church or ministry that he forgot the needs of his wife. As a minister we need to make some priorities to be able to serve both the family and church. If we are married, we have committed to take care of our family and if you are the man in the family God has set you up as the head. Paul is saying, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). We need to give ourselves to our wives just as Christ gave himself for the church.
Before my wife Olga and I got married, we met to speak about our callings and what we wanted to do with our lives. We had been working as missionaries in the Kola Peninsula for a couple of years. She wanted to be a missionary in one part of the earth and I wanted to be a missionary in another part. “Ok”, we said, “then we are not aimed for each other.” Then I left Russia to go to my home country, Sweden and seek God for next step in my life. Olga stayed in her home country to serve in the missionary work over there. Immediately when I came to Sweden I felt that I missed not only Russia but also Olga. We started to write to each other and after 3 months she came to Sweden to lead a Russian team in an outreach in Sweden. To make a long story short we met and I asked her to marry me and after 9 months we got married. In June 2007 it is ten years ago. But early from the beginning we made this statement clear to each other, God on the first place, family on the second and on the third place ministry. We also made this statement that we will never use the word divorce in our family.
We are serving as ministers somewhere in the Russian Far East right now and we meet a lot of new married couples that are trying to manage their families while also managing their work, churches and ministry. Approximately one year ago, one of the pastor’s wives used to call us to explain how hard it was and that her husband didn’t treat her in the right way. He spent all his time in the church and the rest of his time he spent with some friends watching movies. Sometimes it was so tough for her so she went to her mother in another town, and she also started to say that she wanted to have a divorce. During this time we had a mission school going on and one of the students used to be together with this pastor. The thing was that this student was on his way to get married after the school. When we spoke with this student about ministry and family he said firmly, “I think that ministry must come on second place and family in the third.” We tried to speak with him about this but he told us that he had the same thoughts on marriage and ministry as this other pastor. I am glad to say that after he got married this student changed his view on marriage and now he is saying that he must first manage to take care of his wife and daughter before he can manage to take care of his church. The other case also took a good change. The pastor’s wife got pregnant and after this the pastor’s heart was changed. Now, they seem to have a good marriage.
As a ministry family we need to take care of each other. “For a flower to grow, you need to water it.” If you are occupied with your ministry all the time you need to change your routines. We shall be moved because of the needs we see, but we are not able to fill all the needs. We also need to trust God that He will take care of it. In fact, it is not our church but His.
Paul said to the church in Corinth that an unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife (1Cor 7:32-33). As a minister you set an example by your life. You know that “your actions speak more than your words.” You can preach and teach about marriage but they will not listen to your words but look upon your marriage. If you prioritize the ministry instead of family they will do the same. If you love your wife and take care of her they will do the same. We have this problem in Russia now. Many new married couples and wrong priorities. They look upon their pastors and their lives and my question is: What will happen in some years? We are also setting an example before the world. If we (the ministers and pastors) get divorced then they can do it. I have heard that in the US there are more divorces among the Christians than among the un-Christian. If this is true, then something is wrong. According to my opinion we need to change our priorities. “Take care about your wife, and God will take care of His church.” Love your wife as Christ love the church. If we do this, we will have strong marriages and set an example not only for the church but also for the world.
Some time earlier Paul is saying, “Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task (1Tim 3:1).
I want to speak little bit about manage your family as a minister. We all know from history that many ministers have not been managing their family life and sometimes, in fact, too often the minister divorce his or her spouse. The answers of why they separates can be many but they all end up in this, “he (or she) cannot manage to take care of the family.”
I have not been working so long in fulltime ministry but during these years I have met too many pastors that have divorced from their wives. In almost every case it was the women that wanted to leave. Why? There are many reasons but often it was because he was too occupied in the church or ministry that he forgot the needs of his wife. As a minister we need to make some priorities to be able to serve both the family and church. If we are married, we have committed to take care of our family and if you are the man in the family God has set you up as the head. Paul is saying, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). We need to give ourselves to our wives just as Christ gave himself for the church.
Before my wife Olga and I got married, we met to speak about our callings and what we wanted to do with our lives. We had been working as missionaries in the Kola Peninsula for a couple of years. She wanted to be a missionary in one part of the earth and I wanted to be a missionary in another part. “Ok”, we said, “then we are not aimed for each other.” Then I left Russia to go to my home country, Sweden and seek God for next step in my life. Olga stayed in her home country to serve in the missionary work over there. Immediately when I came to Sweden I felt that I missed not only Russia but also Olga. We started to write to each other and after 3 months she came to Sweden to lead a Russian team in an outreach in Sweden. To make a long story short we met and I asked her to marry me and after 9 months we got married. In June 2007 it is ten years ago. But early from the beginning we made this statement clear to each other, God on the first place, family on the second and on the third place ministry. We also made this statement that we will never use the word divorce in our family.
We are serving as ministers somewhere in the Russian Far East right now and we meet a lot of new married couples that are trying to manage their families while also managing their work, churches and ministry. Approximately one year ago, one of the pastor’s wives used to call us to explain how hard it was and that her husband didn’t treat her in the right way. He spent all his time in the church and the rest of his time he spent with some friends watching movies. Sometimes it was so tough for her so she went to her mother in another town, and she also started to say that she wanted to have a divorce. During this time we had a mission school going on and one of the students used to be together with this pastor. The thing was that this student was on his way to get married after the school. When we spoke with this student about ministry and family he said firmly, “I think that ministry must come on second place and family in the third.” We tried to speak with him about this but he told us that he had the same thoughts on marriage and ministry as this other pastor. I am glad to say that after he got married this student changed his view on marriage and now he is saying that he must first manage to take care of his wife and daughter before he can manage to take care of his church. The other case also took a good change. The pastor’s wife got pregnant and after this the pastor’s heart was changed. Now, they seem to have a good marriage.
As a ministry family we need to take care of each other. “For a flower to grow, you need to water it.” If you are occupied with your ministry all the time you need to change your routines. We shall be moved because of the needs we see, but we are not able to fill all the needs. We also need to trust God that He will take care of it. In fact, it is not our church but His.
Paul said to the church in Corinth that an unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife (1Cor 7:32-33). As a minister you set an example by your life. You know that “your actions speak more than your words.” You can preach and teach about marriage but they will not listen to your words but look upon your marriage. If you prioritize the ministry instead of family they will do the same. If you love your wife and take care of her they will do the same. We have this problem in Russia now. Many new married couples and wrong priorities. They look upon their pastors and their lives and my question is: What will happen in some years? We are also setting an example before the world. If we (the ministers and pastors) get divorced then they can do it. I have heard that in the US there are more divorces among the Christians than among the un-Christian. If this is true, then something is wrong. According to my opinion we need to change our priorities. “Take care about your wife, and God will take care of His church.” Love your wife as Christ love the church. If we do this, we will have strong marriages and set an example not only for the church but also for the world.