Non-writing advice needed

[MsSherry]

Sorry this is a bit long winded, wanted to give you a bit of the background.

I help with our Church's kid's ministry on Wednesday nights and we are getting ready to start up again for the school year. We were trying to think of some ideas to get parents more involved.

A lot of our kids are from non-Christian homes, single parent homes, homes with significant drug activity.... These parents are more than willing to bring their kids to church, so they KNOW it's important. I think they must on some level want to know Jesus themselves or they wouldn't send their kids.

We were discussing how they just don't seem to want to come to anything their kids participate in. We have programs several times in the year that the kids put on and there is an awards ceremony for the kids who scored the most points during the year in their contests. I'm sure these kids would love for their parents to be there. The one's who have parents show up seem so excited.

So, what I'm wondering is, do any of you have any ideas on getting the parents to come?

We have tried parent/child luncheon type things, that would be sort of a relaxed atmosphere. Quite a few came, but the majority seem to think that we have ulterior motives, that they won't fit in or be welcome, In fact, it was mentioned at our meeting, that some of the ladies who came to mother/daughter day felt like they "didn't belong" even though they were greeted and everyone was friendly. We would love to have them come to services, but they seem so uncomfortable at non-"Church" events that I don't know how we could encourage them to come to a Church service.

Any ideas or suggestions?? Thanks.

[DrRita]

I'm not an expert but I think you're going to have to think up something that is not so "churchy" to entice these parents. If the parents are neglectful of the children, they aren't going to have normal concerns for what they do at the church. So they wouldn't be very interested in attending any events. Perhaps you could do something at a local theme park, have a field trip at the zoo, or pool, a BBQ at the park or something where church is minimized and just friendly fun is emphasized. I've found that most parents who send their children to church but don't attend themselves have had bad church experiences and are very "church shy." Many of them have been church goers in the past and some are even saved, that's why they send their children because they know it's important. But it presents special challenges in getting the parents involved. It take a great deal of prayer, a great deal of patience and a great deal of unconditional love to get these wayward parents into the church again. Your church is going to have to prove you have no alterior motives and that you genuinely desire to know them as people. That's your challenge. I hope this helps. Sometimes when you know the problem behind the problem a solution is easier to come up with.

[wgjones3]

Well, I'm just going to regurgitate some stuff I heard at a church-planting seminar I worked back in June (you can decide whether the advice is sound):

Instead of doing passive education, let the kids take part. Start by finding some young adults to teach the teenagers how to do dance and drama ministry (this works reeeeeeeeeeally well at my church). Once the teenagers are able to do this autonomously, let the teenagers teach the pre-teens. Once the pre-teens are autonomous, have them teach the school-age children. (FYI--my church started a teen dance/drama team in the spring of '04, within a year there were 3 of these ministries, one for each age group).

This is actually a disciplinary tool as much as a ministry tool. If a child acts up, he or she cannot participate in the team. The first couple will cry and scream and thow a fit, but once they realize how they have to behave to get back in, they usually will.

You do run the risk of having some hotheads leave because their child is disciplined or because their child isn't the star--let them go, give them your blessings, and let them know the door is open if they ever want to return.

Once a month, have the kids perform for the entire church. This way, if the parents feel it's important for the kids to be in church, they'll more than likely bring their child to participate and stay for the service. It helps if your ministry staff makes it clear when they take up the offering that they don't want money from anyone who isn't saved, that the service is a gift from the church to them (this works well too).

Remember that you can hold a child's attention for approximately one minute for every year old they are. So don't try to teach them more than that. Teach a 5 year old a five minute lesson. If there's more than one age group in the room, tailor the lesson to the youngest ones. Then, spend the rest of the class time making some small craft to take home that explains what they learned in the lesson. It reinforces the lesson plus it gives the parents something concrete to see.

Every three months or so, have a big pageant. Ask the kids to find out if any of the parents would like to help. Then give the ones who are interested something fun to do. Making sets for plays is fun. Making costumes. Make sure you feed them. Even if you just order five of those $5 pizzas from Dominos and a couple of 2-liter drinks. (as an aside, the gentlemen then went on to describe how important it was for the church to minister to these people subtly; plraying over the food and taking a genuine interest in the parents through informal conversation does far more than shoving them in a small room and preaching at them for a half hour).

That's about all I can remember right now...

[edmmom]

Ms Sherry,
I attend a church that advertises itself as "Church for those who don't like Church." They have been very successful in getting parent participation. And yes, we have people coming from ALL BACKGROUNDS. Each Sunday, the children's program consists of Sunday School (which is completely different than any Sunday School we used to have) and Extreme Kidz. Extreme Kidz occurs between the two Sunday Schools and the normal services. At Extreme Kidz, the kids take their parents into THEIR World!! Of course, it ties in the virture being taught in the Sunday School class, but it's loud it's wild and what's more important is the kids learn and they love it!! The rule is they can't attend unless they drag their parent in! We have had so many parents start attending church because of being dragged into Extreme KIdz.

[MsSherry]

I will try to remember to mention these to our Children's leader (you know my memory-zilch in that department-LOL). One of our problems is that we are a very small church, so some of the "pageant" type things aren't really possible. We have a lot of kids, but sometimes not enough leaders. However,this year we have lots of new faces and a lot of new ideas so hopefully, we can get the parents involved more. :D