Prayer Request

[humblegyrl]

Hello, everyone!

I'm a new member, and I have some things pressing upon my heart. I'm sure that most of us here would agree that writing is therapeutic. I can think of nothing more uplifting than being in the presence of God and His children. I'm seeking advice and prayer from anyone willing to spare a moment or two.

I have always struggled with jealousy. I openly admit that I am insecure. I cannot get to the root of the problem. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that I am loved and though I have had my struggles, my life has been a cakewalk compared to others that I have met.

Daily, I do my best not to conform to this world. I seek to develop character rather than appearance, but I cannot help but be discouraged. I abhor the person I see in the mirror, but I fully embrace my heart and it's desire to do as God wills.

I have a perfectionist mindset. Perhaps it is because I could never please my mother. She was constantly comparing me to others. Nothing I did seemed to be right and I rarely, if ever, received praise from her. Our relationship is much better now, yet I have been scarred for life. My friends were no better. I was ridiculed for being involved in school (sports and extracurriculars) and wanting to save the world. I was determined to not be enslaved by money and a desire for material things.

As for my relationships, the majority of my boyfriends have left me for other women, including the one that I am currently with. However, this happened seven years ago when we were around fifteen or sixteen years old. Sometimes I have trouble forgiving him for what happened and though he has received his fair share of women leaving him afterwards (poetic justice?), I still have this fear that history will repeat itself. Strangely enough, he expects me to leave him as well, so in a sense, we're both struggling and comforted -- if that makes any sense.

It almost feels as if the devil has me trapped. It's permeating and sabotaging my life. I don't know how to let it all go. I've done what I can to acknowledge that I have a problem. At this point, I don't know what else I can do. I can't help but feel inferior. Then again, it seems better to feel inferior than superior, no?

I've also committed myself to being more open and honest with people. Unfortunately, it isn't well-received. Is this evidence of a crumbling society? I am shocked. Did we once not say that honesty was the best policy? Does the truth not hurt? I'll surely say it does. It reminds us of the condition we are in and that we are in need of God's Saving Grace. With this, I have been accused of being high and mighty -- pretending that I am better than everyone else. Is this a sign of relativity gone too far? I cannot accept that ANYTHING goes. What is right is right. What is wrong is wrong. I will not say that someone is right when he/she is wrong.

How do I answer the question, "Who are you to say what is right and wrong?" This is another issue that I have been struggling with spiritually. In my heart, I know that everyone will give account of everything (good and bad) in the presence of God. How does a warrioress continue to battle the damning philosophies of this world when ears refuse to listen? How can I just stand by and watch as they continue to suffer by following what they think is right in their own eyes?

Unfortunately, this has turned into a rant. I am truly sorry, everyone. I just needed to vent and see what it is that I'm doing wrong. This is only scratching the surface. Thank you for your time.

[firstacts]

I've also committed myself to being more open and honest with people. Unfortunately, it isn't well-received. Is this evidence of a crumbling society? I am shocked. Did we once not say that honesty was the best policy? Does the truth not hurt? I'll surely say it does. It reminds us of the condition we are in and that we are in need of God's Saving Grace. With this, I have been accused of being high and mighty -- pretending that I am better than everyone else. Is this a sign of relativity gone too far? I cannot accept that ANYTHING goes. What is right is right. What is wrong is wrong. I will not say that someone is right when he/she is wrong.

How do I answer the question, "Who are you to say what is right and wrong?" This is another issue that I have been struggling with spiritually. In my heart, I know that everyone will give account of everything (good and bad) in the presence of God. How does a warrioress continue to battle the damning philosophies of this world when ears refuse to listen? How can I just stand by and watch as they continue to suffer by following what they think is right in their own eyes?

Wow, you're email contained a mix bag of information - it's clear that you are struggling with a lot of things right now.

There are two components to speaking the truth 1) truth, 2) love. When we speak the truth in love, we care for the dignity of the other person. If we only speak truth without love - it is consigned to justice. If we love without speaking truth it is a warped form of grace that ultimately cares nothing for the eternity of the person for which we are expressing love. A good balance demonstrates grace.

If a person does not believe in God or in His Word, they will declare that you only espouse an idea because truth is relative (in most eyes). If there is no absolute truth, then you can't tell them that what they are doing is wrong. In the end they see you are judgemental and hateful.

Now, I suspect this is not your intent, but in order to reach out to others, you have to understand that most will not believe the same way Christians do - most will not believe that there is truth that is all emcompassing.

Christianity is about a relationship - us and God. He then wants us to take what we learn about that relationship and apply it to those around us. It may be that others aren't ready to hear the truth from you until (or unless) they determine that you really do care about them enough to accept them (warts and all). When they see that you really do care about them as a person, you may find that they are much easier to talk with.

Not sure I understand all the issues here - but I hope it helps somewhat.

Glenn :)

Welcome to the boards, by the way. Enjoy your time here.

[Sidewinder4]

"Is there anyone down range?"
On an army rifle range these the last words over the loud speaker before the shooting starts.
Got your head down?
Sister, we are in a WAR.
"Lock and load one round."
Trainees only get to shoot one bullet at a time until they get better at it.
Letters to the editor make good shots.
Anytime you read something in the newspaper that's a lie, say, just write them every so often there are too many lies to counter each one.
"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness."
You're in the right place, and you've lit a single candle. Hummm?
A good prayer? Hummm?
"I cease not to give thanks for Humblegyrl [Always capitalize proper names, one of my teachers said that.], making mention of humblegyrl [OK lower case] in my prayer that the God of our Lord, Jesus Christ the Father of glory will give unto her the Spirit of Wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him. The eyes of her understanding being enlightened that you may know what is the hope of HIs calling and what the riches of His inheritance in the saints.
Wait there's more: Ephesians 1:15-23. Pray it over yourself and those you love. Don't be casting no pearls before swine that's in the Bible too.
Warrior 4 Jesus, told me I jump around a lot.
Ask about anything I've written, if you want.
My wife is the result of an answered prayer.
Write. Pray write, Pray, Write [you get the idea.]
In Christ's Love,
Sidewinder4
[Welcome. You're in a good place.]

[humblegyrl]

The particular conflict I dealt with over the past few days did not have to do with the person being an unbeliever. Our discussion had little to do with religion. However, the person was quick to take offense because we had not yet established a friendship. We had merely established where we had been wrong in our assumptions about each other. I am not an unsympathetic person, but being so blunt, I activated the person's defense mechanism. I did my best to remain tactful and I was fair in dealing with the person's good and bad qualities.

All I intended was to do was give a wake-up call. The person suffers from "poor me" syndrome and I merely wanted to show that the world cannot be served to you on a silver platter. That which tastes bitter helps one appreciate that which tastes sweet. Simply put, I was upset with this person's logic -- it was very flawed. Now no matter what I say, the person can do nothing but take offense and accuse me of being two-faced when I simply laid it all out on the table... GOOD and BAD!

I do understand what you mean about being both loving and truthful. I'm beginning to think that I should have said something to the person that has been dealing with her thus far instead of going directly to her without establishing a relationship first. Thank you very much for your response.

I also give thanks to you, sidewinder. This is the kind of upliftment that I have been seeking and as God promised, I sought and I found. I knocked at the door and it has opened. I enter a place in which I am welcomed with open arms. You all are wonderful.

[DrRita]

It appears that the non-acceptance of your own insecurity you stuggle with is transferred to those around you. I sense you have more than just a perfectionist mindset but an unaccepting mindset, not only of your own faults but of others also. Read 1 Corinthians 13, first as it applies to you FROM Christ. He is the great lover of our soul and never condemns us. Your old person was crucified with Christ,(Gal. 2:20) all that she was and all that she wasn't is not longer who you are. Your mother made formed the old you, but she no longer exists. That is unless you can't let her die. You are a new creature in Christ(2 Cor 5:17) with his mind, his attributes and his life. All you want to be you are in Christ.(Col 2:10) That's where faith comes in. Either God is telling the truth in His word or He's a liar. If he's telling the truth then your self worth and self esteem is based on what He says about you.

Then go back and read 1 Corinthians 13 as it is to be given out to other BY you. Of course we all fail miserably on our own but we can share the love that is shed abroad in our hearts by God.(Rom 5:5) He's able to help you love someone first before trying to fix them. When we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:8) We too can love someone just as they are. Just as we've been loved. Love is the key. The correction comes after. Standing up for the truth is always right but just remember, God doesn't need us to defend Him, he wants us to represent Him. It's the lovingkindness of God that brings about repentance.(Rom 2:4)

God is so much bigger than our small faith. He is able to do more through us if we simply relax and yield for it's His job to fix all the wrongs, even ours. Letting go is the hardest thing.

[humblegyrl]

Dr. Rita,

Thank you for your reply. I thought the first step towards healing was admitting that there was a problem. I am trying to accept my insecurity by putting it out there in the open. Now, at times, I'm not sure if that is the smartest thing to do, considering that I can make myself vulnerable to attacks by exposing my weaknesses so willingly. It is not that I am unaccepting of the person's faults, but as I stated previously, I merely wanted to give the person a wake-up call. It truly gets old when I see the person doing the same thing over and over again, and she was being fed exactly what she wanted to hear.

What benefit could come from this? You see, I was in the same predicament long ago. It's not that I wasn't being understanding or sympathetic to her needs. I just wanted to give her the strength that someone gave me when I behaved in a similar manner. I did not understand it at the time, but that kick in the duff helped point me in the right direction. Of course, that is not to say that I don't have my own issues to deal with.

1 Corinthians 13 is one of my favorite passages. Indeed, I let my anger get in the way. I don't hate this person, but the person seems to think that I am endeavoring to ruin a friendship she has with someone I care about. I have told them both (countless times) that it is not my choice, but theirs. Because the person I care about thinks so highly of her, I decided to give her a chance as well. It seems that my efforts are fruitless. I offered my apologies when I was out of line and thought that everything was okay until she looked for a possible double entendre to take offense at.

She proceeded to tell me that she washed her hands of me and that she was completely bored with me trying to get her riled up. I had no such intentions. She then turns around and emails me a letter written to me by her friend who tells me that the truth doesn't hurt because "all suffering comes from the ego and the ego is a false reality" and that my version of the truth is merely an "opinion based upon inner fear issues which stem from the ego." Of course, I don't put too much stock in psychology -- especially not Freud.

It upsets me because I've actually been trying very hard to be open, honest, and fair. A friend advised that we simply not talk to each other anymore because some people do not mesh well. It seems the only thing I can do now is pray to God for His wisdom, and also pray for the girl because, obviously, nothing I can say at this point will convince her to take up another image (of me, that is) other than the one she has conjured up in her mind.

I'm not saying that I didn't do anything wrong. I think the most upsetting part about this whole ordeal is that I've said the same thing two other people have said to her and then I get accused of being such and such. I've even bored my heart out to her about some of my own experiences. She is a 17 year old with potential, that is playing with fire. She is in love with a drug dealer who is currently in prison.

I won't go too much into detail about what I have been through, but I have been around gang bangers, druggies and drug dealers -- all which were not necessarily mutually exclusive. She believes that she may possibly make a difference in his life. I told her that it may be so, but as a friend and NOT as a girlfriend. Not too long ago, a friend gave me an illustration. I was to contemplate (as I stood on a chair) whether it was easier to pull someone up, or if it was more likely that the person would pull me down.

Granted, I can never prevent her from making a choice, but I just let her know of the things that I have been through so that she would at least think about the risk she would be taking if she traveled that road. The guy is apparently a gentleman. Charming. Respectful. Funny. I wanted her to think about how he was not working hard for his money. He was supporting bad habits. I don't know if he's in jail right now for selling drugs, but what is he prone to do when he gets back out?

Another thing that upsets me is that she uses her age as a cop out. She uses it to excuse her behavior. However, the whole time I'm pouring my heart to her, something in her mind tells her that I'm trying to run her life. This is also not the case. I feel that I just need to back off and let her pay for her mistakes. I just hope that whatever choice she makes, she is not endangering her life as I did.

My, this is long, but I had to get it off my chest. Additional feedback is certainly welcome. Thank you. I will be pondering the verses you gave me.

[momwitness]

wow, you are struggling.
i have struggled too, and I have a few tips that might help you.
1. God loves you shouldn't you love yourself----God made you and He"don't make no junk"
2. If you are jealous and insecure, those feelings are valid. Your-family, signifigant other, or friend should step up to the plate and help you recognize the good in you.
3. If they don't help them----tell them of your need to see the good in you and ask them to help.
4. Keep writing, your feelings come out loud and clear and some people can never express themselves so well. They might just be helped by reading what you write
5. PRAY and LISTEN to God. He will validate you and never leave you, He will guide you in what to say and how to say it.

[b-a-berean]

I read an awesome quote today that really ministered to me regarding my family members (whom I've been witnessing to and praying for for salvation for 20-1/2 years) who have been putting me through a lot of persecution especially the last 13 months or so:

"I'd rather be a fool in the eyes of men, than a fool in the eyes of God." (Author unknown).

Wow. What a mouthful. Hallelujah and Amen!

Here's an even better one for you and me to lay hold to:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph. 6:12, NIV -- I like the KJV rendering better, but you should get the point).

It's not with mere men that we battle but the forces of darkness that mere men serve, without even knowing it. If this young lady is apparently trying to find anything wrong with you no matter what you do, then perhaps what you need to do now is, yes, back off. But don't just back off with the attitude that she'll just have to fall flat on her face. Back off with the attitude that you still love her with the love of Christ by praying for His grace in her life. That's the best thing you could do for her: let the Holy Spirit do His work on her.

As far as your various other struggles, please keep this in mind:

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind" (2 Tim 1:7 KJV). And one of the things that we women are to teach and train each other in is to be sober or sound-minded (Titus 2:4). That means more rational in our thinking than emotional, more self-disciplined than rash in our thought life, more in line with wisdom than with hastiness.

What you evidently think of yourself, Humblegyrl, is not the truth, and since you are clearly an advocate for the truth regarding your communications with others, practice operating in it with yourself first.

Who is the best judge of you, your character, your worth, your heart? Your mother? Your boyfriends? Your friends and acquaintances? Yourself? Or God? The sound-minded answer should be clear.

You have a choice as to how you react to others. Get your thinking about yourself more in line with the truth of God's Word. Think soberly, not emotionally. God is your righteous and fair Judge, and He doesn't like it when you or I or any of His children allow the people around us decide for us what we're about.

I have more Scriptures for you. Let me know if you'd like them.

In Christ's love,
Laurel

[humblegyrl]

Momwitness,

I do try to see myself through God's eyes, but sometimes it is so easy to get wrapped up in what the world thinks of you. There is just so must pressure. I often quote from a secular artist named Pink, who once sung the words, "I'm not every girl and I don't need the world to validate me." As much as I would like those words to be true, it isn't always the case. My relationship with the Lord is not as strong as it used to be. I'm thinking that these feelings may be intensified at present in order to teach me a lesson. Perhaps God is telling me that I'm trying to rely on myself and the world when I need to lean on Him.

I know that my jealousy and insecurity are valid feelings. My friends, family and significant other have definitely done their best to help me in that regard, but there is only so much that they can do. As the saying goes, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I must be able to accept myself. You made me realize that I have relied more on the people of this world than the One who can fix all and knows all.

Thank you so very much for your encouragement. Talking about my feelings has never been as effective as writing them. I suppose that has a lot to do with how I was raised. My mother is Korean, and I was discouraged from showing my emotions. I was to silently deal with my problems. My friends at the time were only eager to talk about their own issues. As tough as it was on me, I learned to be a good listener, and it's nice to know that, though I'm not very verbose, when I do speak, my opinions are welcome and taken seriously.

Thank you again, momwitness. I will certainly pray and listen to God for His guidance.


b-a-berean,

Thank you for those verses! As for the young lady, she seems to think that I've been the one trying to find something wrong with her because I am threatened by her presence in the life of someone that I care about. I do admit that at first, this was true. (Being threatened, I mean.) I did not have good vibes from the person from the very beginning. Of course, my jealousy and insecurity did not help. However, I tried to push all of that aside to give the person a chance. I mean, if the person I cared about thought she was worth keeping around, then maybe my assumptions were incorrect.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I did tell this girl what I thought of her -- both positive and negative. No matter what I told her, she only got the idea that I was trying to get at her from different angles. She said first, I acted all high and mighty then tried to get her to pity me by talking about something that she could identify with. As for my motive, apparently she thinks I'm trying to ruin their friendship and make her look bad when I merely wanted her to wake up and face the facts and, from the beginning, when the person asked me if I wanted the friendship to cease, I let go of my own desires to do the right thing and that was to say no, you have every right to remain that person's friend regardless of whether or not we get along. I feel terrible because I tried for my loved one's sake and failed miserably. I don't want the person to be torn between that girl and I.

I do strive to be more rational than emotional, even though the psychology textbooks feed women the notion that they are allowed to be more emotional than rational simply because of their biological makeup. Laurel, I would love if you could share more verses. You have also been of great help. Thank you.

[b-a-berean]

Humblegyrl, allow me to firmly encourage you (if I didn't love you, I wouldn't bother; I've been where you may be right now -- and I'm still a work in progress after 20-1/2 years in Christ): Forget secular voices whether they're Pink's or doctors or anyone's who don't speak from the final authority of God's Word.

Can I share a little story with you? I got saved in June 1984, as a junior in a secular college, majoring in, of all things, Philosophy. As a new baby in Christ I had to take a class on Marxism -- it was either that or a class on the New Testament in which the professor told us he was going to show how the text was full of contradictions. No other classes were available given my full schedule, so the Marxism class was, I thought, the lesser of two evils.

The Marxism (read: Marxist) professor lectured sitting atop his desk in his bell bottoms and flip flops and untrimmed beard and long curly hair (NOT the style in the 1980's!). The first day, he announced he was a die-hard atheist and was tired of getting into debates with students about Christianity. Eager-little-beaver-new-Christian me approached him after class, announced I was born-again, and asked would there be a problem with me taking his class. He said, flatly, yes.

But I was stuck. Now I'm a senior trying to make sure I graduate in six weeks. I registered too late to get my pickings of classes. What's a believer to do? I felt I had no choice but to stay in his class anyway.

I came every time, sat in the front, dutifully took my notes, didn't raise my hand to ask questions or make comments or argue with him, never spoke to him during office hours. He ignored me, never even bothered to learn my name (in a class of 200 students, why should he?). That was cool with me.

The only assignments for the class were mid-term and final take-home essay exams. Essays! Take home! I can do that! All they required was to basically regurgitate what the lecture notes and text books said about Marxism. Karl Marx believed that God is man's creation instead of man being God's creation. Stating that in an essay exam does not have to mean I believed in or condoned it. It would be the same as if I were asked to share the tenets of Islam or Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormonism or Hinduism -- I can state what I know about non- or anti-biblical belief systems without believing in or endorsing those systems myself.

I never found out my mid-term grade until I turned in my final paper. I went to the professor's office and handed it to him. I asked him for my mid-term grade. He asked me my name. I told him. He probably never would have made the connection between a Black student with an unmistakably German last name (I'm bi-racial). He retrieved my midterm essay, looked at the back where my grade was written, stopped in his tracks for ever so slight a moment, then handed it to me. There was a big fat red "A" with the word "Excellent!" written there. He almost seemed like he wanted to change the grade right there in front of me.

But he regained his inner cool. Then he tried to bait me with a comment about how tired everyone is by the end of finals week and how that, well, even if you were to die, there's nothing after that so what does it matter. Being so through with exams and so ready for Spring Break, I was too tired to bite but I just said to him, yeah, well, Happy Resurrection Day. Then I left, and I haven't seen nor heard from him since.

(I did send him a Christmas card the next holiday season. On the front was a photo of a drunken and lonely man in the midst of the aftermath of a wild holiday party, and on the inside it said "Christmas without Christ is just a mas" -- read: mess.)

What's my point? Your stand needs to be on the foundation and strength of God, not yourself. Did that professor every accept Christ? I don't know. But I know God used me to sprinkle just a little bit of water on whatever seed had already been planted. When our strength comes from God, even if people speak against us, His Word still stands, and therefore so do we.

So, let's let the wisdom of God, not the "wisdom" of the world, be our guide.

First Scripture that came to mind upon reading your reply is Psalm 1:

"Walk not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of the scornful..." Read the whole short chapter.

Here are some other Scriptures to meditate on as you continue to seek God to help you grow in His grace and in the knowledge of Him (2 Peter 3:18):

Philippians 4:6-8,13
Romans 8:28 to end of chapter
Ephesians 4:31-32
Psalm 27
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
1 Corinthians 13:4-7,11
Psalm 139
Romans 12:1-8

Sorry they're not in any particular order! And there are more! PM me for a Word file I can send that lists Scriptures for almost every situation, categorized by topic (e.g., depression, disappointment, jealousy, temptation, persecution, etc.).

From one long post-er to another, it is an honor to try to help you, Humblegyrl, to God's glory.

Your sis,
Laurel

[humblegyrl]

I've read through these passages and I feel somewhat comforted and uplifted. Psalm 139 softened my heart.

Ephesians 4:31-22 was convicting! At times, I am so bitter from being wronged in the past. If I don't write, my anger is bottled up as I am unable to successfully communicate my feelings by word of mouth. Jealousy also triggers bitterness, rage, malice, and so much more. I obviously will not be able to completely eliminate it from my life, but I at least want to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. I personally feel that I'm moments away from losing control over that aspect of my life.

I'm starting to wonder if I have merely fooled myself into thinking that I have forgiven, when I am still hanging onto the past for reasons unbeknownst to me. This also brings out another struggle. They say that one must forgive and forget. I say that one can forgive, but how can one forget when such experiences, wonderful or horrible, teach you and mold you into the person you are and the one that you will become?

[b-a-berean]

[QUOTE=humblegyrl]They say that one must forgive and forget. QUOTE]

Who's "they?" And do "they" have a Scripture to back up their point?

I don't know of any Scripture that says forgiveness requires forgetting. When God forgives us, He remembers our sins no more, but the context is not forgetting -- for how can the all-knowing One forget anything? -- but no longer holding us accountable for it.

That's how we should see the offenses of others against us. If someone kills one of my kids, how could I ever, EVER forget something like that? But like our Savior does with us, we are to always have a heart ready to forgive others. It is up to our offender to seek it and appropriate it.

I gotta run and don't have time to look up the Scriptures to back up my point! UGH! But I'll do so soon!

In the meantime, God's Word is medicine! And prayer in faith can move mountains!

Your sis,
Laurel

[humblegyrl]

By "they," I was referring to countless people who have told me that I should forgive and forget, though it seems that by telling me to forget, they were telling me to no longer hold that person accountable -- that what is done is done. You've put that into perspective for me.

It is not that I don't WANT to forgive. It's best described as a love/hate relationship. You can appreciate that person for who they are, yet, you are still scarred by what they have done to you so at times you cannot help but pull away from them because you fear that they may hurt you again. At the same time, it's a risk that you are willing to take because of your love for that person. Does that sound absurd? I'm doing my best to make sense of it.

At times I just can't help but bring up what has happened, not to retaliate for what was done to me, but to show that sometimes it still hurts and that it still has an effect on who I am and what I do. Applying that to the situation of someone murdering your child, though over time, you will have dealt with a myriad of emotions, there will be times when you will feel broken and led to grieve.

Thank you for the verses, the feedback, the encouragement, and for your willingness to help. I am so blessed.

God's Word is medicine! And prayer in faith can move mountains!


Amen.

[firstacts]

I had a friend tell me once that forgiveness is giving up your right to ever bring it up again.

This does not mean that you forget - we're human so we can't do that, but we can choose to no longer allow the situation to be hurtful to us or to the other party. We do so in God's strength - not our own.

I'm reminded of Romans 8 - where Paul is struggling with why he seems to wrestle with what his flesh wants to do and what the Spirit is prompting him to do. Aren't we all like that - we know the biblical response and instead of freely offering the grace we are give to others, we want only justice. Grace for us - punishment for them.

Stand up for truth? Yes!

Love others in spite of there spiritual stupidity? Yes!

There's got to be a lesson here somewhere. :)

G

[humblegyrl]

G,

Ahh, some more to ponder, and I am so glad I came here to seek counsel. You are right, a lot of times we are more concerned with justice -- minutiae compared to the fact that Jesus had enough love to bear the sins of everyone. Here I am humbled again. I get hung up on the wrongdoing of a few and fail to assess what Jesus would have done in my shoes.

Isn't it funny how you need to be told the same thing several different ways before you finally say, "AHA!"

[karachurch]

Hello there Humblegyrl. I saw this on your xanga site and thought I'd join.

[humblegyrl]

Awesome, Kara. Thanks for joining! I look forward to seeing more from you on here as well as on Xanga. We should get more people exposed with sites like these.

[karachurch]

Indeed, I posted it on my site to spread the word.

[b-a-berean]

Just thinking about you and wondering how you're doing?

-Laurel

[humblegyrl]

I'm doing pretty well! Thank you for asking. God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life. His timing is perfect.

-- A counselor (from Christianforums.com) offered to volunteer some of his time to help me sort through some of my issues. We've had two conversations so far. He encouraged me by saying that he detected a superior quality (moral sensitivity) and that I must realistically assess myself in order to overcome insecurity/low self esteem.

-- A friend named James has been continually rebuking me in matters where I am compromising to still remain a part of this world while claiming to be a child of God.

-- Another friend named Anabell is helping me get back into regular prayer habits by sending me some verses from Psalms and Proverbs to meditate on daily.

-- And, of course, how can I forget all of you. You all took the time to respond and your help is very much appreciated. It seems most are a little older than I am (22), and experience tells me that my elders are wiser than they are given credit for.

I'm a little diappointed to report that the girl I mentioned decided to no longer be friends with my loved one. I'm not sure if she's doing this as part of the "poor me" act. She also wrote me and said that I won the battle and that I had succeeded in hurting her. No matter how many times I've told her that I do not hate her, she says that I am in denial and that it makes her sick to her stomach that I feel that way.

Prior to this, I posted our emails in entirety on my website (and linked to it through my online journal) to get some feedback on what I should have done differently. Of course, I was asking this of complete strangers who knew neither of us and could give an unbiased opinion. Upon seeing this, she was extremely upset and demanded that I take them down, saying that she didn't want people to know the mistakes she made. I proceeded to ask her what she was trying to hide and that the first step is to acknowledge the mistakes rather than trying to hide them. In fact, she wasn't the only one who could argue about "defamation of character," because I had exposed my own flaws and slipups as well.

So, I don't know if I violated any copyrights or anything like that. I figured that people simply need to watch what leaves their inbox, because whatever leaves and arrives in mine becomes my property and therefore, I can do what I want with them. A friend named Johann tells me that I'm incorrect in this assumption and that it would have been okay if I had just taken snippets and pointed out where something was illogical. However, no one could have gotten the full picture without reading them in their entirety.

Whatever the case, I was upset because she said that she had washed her hands of me and I decided to leave her alone. She told me that she had no time to read my journal and get some sort of understanding about what kind of person I was. Just when she told me that she was bored of my antics, she went to my website and saw the link I had posted and it was drama all over again. She's gone now. I don't think my loved one is going to let her go that easily, though.

I feel bad that it came to this, but I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous this situation is. The girl clearly needs to grow up. If I don't talk to her in a manner that she wants, she will refuse to listen. I refuse to cater, but then I remember that Jesus came to serve. I just know that it's not beneficial to spoil people when they need to be rebuked. Rather than hanging on the end of the rope, I feel like Wile E Coyote trying to protect himself from a boulder with a measly umbrella.

[b-a-berean]

Be encouraged. Commit to reading one chapter of Proverbs for every day of the month, every month. Proverbs is the book of wisdom. Feed your spirit with a dose of it every day and watch yourself grow!

Regarding the gentleman who's volunteering his time to counsel you, stay prayerful. One of my step-daughters is close to your age (she's 23, the other is 27), so I'm giving you the same warning I'd give to my own daughter: be wise as a serpent with anyone you meet over the Internet. Maybe you're already on top of this, maybe it's obvious to you, but I'd rather irritate you with the warning than not! Please, be careful.

Just an f.y.i. for you to ponder if you feel so led: The girl's complaint about your making public your private email exchanges with her is not a property issue as much as it's a privacy issue. Sure, you exposed yourself as well as her, but whereas you had given yourself permission to do so for yourself, she did not have the same opportunity.

I'll continue praying.

"Elder" Laurel (Oh, how I hated the first time I was called "Ma'am"!) ;)

[paulajo]

Dr. Rita,

Thank you for your reply. I thought the first step towards healing was admitting that there was a problem. I am trying to accept my insecurity by putting it out there in the open. Now, at times, I'm not sure if that is the smartest thing to do, considering that I can make myself vulnerable to attacks by exposing my weaknesses so willingly. It is not that I am unaccepting of the person's faults, but as I stated previously, I merely wanted to give the person a wake-up call. It truly gets old when I see the person doing the same thing over and over again, and she was being fed exactly what she wanted to hear.

What benefit could come from this? You see, I was in the same predicament long ago. It's not that I wasn't being understanding or sympathetic to her needs. I just wanted to give her the strength that someone gave me when I behaved in a similar manner. I did not understand it at the time, but that kick in the duff helped point me in the right direction. Of course, that is not to say that I don't have my own issues to deal with.

1 Corinthians 13 is one of my favorite passages. Indeed, I let my anger get in the way. I don't hate this person, but the person seems to think that I am endeavoring to ruin a friendship she has with someone I care about. I have told them both (countless times) that it is not my choice, but theirs. Because the person I care about thinks so highly of her, I decided to give her a chance as well. It seems that my efforts are fruitless. I offered my apologies when I was out of line and thought that everything was okay until she looked for a possible double entendre to take offense at.

She proceeded to tell me that she washed her hands of me and that she was completely bored with me trying to get her riled up. I had no such intentions. She then turns around and emails me a letter written to me by her friend who tells me that the truth doesn't hurt because "all suffering comes from the ego and the ego is a false reality" and that my version of the truth is merely an "opinion based upon inner fear issues which stem from the ego."

[Of course, I don't put too much stock in psychology -- especially not Freud. ]

It upsets me because I've actually been trying very hard to be open, honest, and fair. A friend advised that we simply not talk to each other anymore because some people do not mesh well. It seems the only thing I can do now is pray to God for His wisdom, and also pray for the girl because, obviously, nothing I can say at this point will convince her to take up another image (of me, that is) other than the one she has conjured up in her mind.

I'm not saying that I didn't do anything wrong. I think the most upsetting part about this whole ordeal is that I've said the same thing two other people have said to her and then I get accused of being such and such. I've even bored my heart out to her about some of my own experiences. She is a 17 year old with potential, that is playing with fire. She is in love with a drug dealer who is currently in prison.

I won't go too much into detail about what I have been through, but I have been around gang bangers, druggies and drug dealers -- all which were not necessarily mutually exclusive. She believes that she may possibly make a difference in his life. I told her that it may be so, but as a friend and NOT as a girlfriend. Not too long ago, a friend gave me an illustration. I was to contemplate (as I stood on a chair) whether it was easier to pull someone up, or if it was more likely that the person would pull me down.

Granted, I can never prevent her from making a choice, but I just let her know of the things that I have been through so that she would at least think about the risk she would be taking if she traveled that road. The guy is apparently a gentleman. Charming. Respectful. Funny. I wanted her to think about how he was not working hard for his money. He was supporting bad habits. I don't know if he's in jail right now for selling drugs, but what is he prone to do when he gets back out?

Another thing that upsets me is that she uses her age as a cop out. She uses it to excuse her behavior. However, the whole time I'm pouring my heart to her, something in her mind tells her that I'm trying to run her life. This is also not the case. I feel that I just need to back off and let her pay for her mistakes. I just hope that whatever choice she makes, she is not endangering her life as I did.

My, this is long, but I had to get it off my chest. Additional feedback is certainly welcome. Thank you. I will be pondering the verses you gave me.

Roxanna:

Besides raising and educating eight (natural parented) children of our own, Joanna and I both are retired through OTRS (OK Teachers' Retirement System). Also, I have sixteen years of Military experience, much of which was spent in and around South Korea.

It matters not where you are, or where you have been, when dealing with drug-cluttered minds, you are dealing with danger. If you are not too far along already, get away from drug abuse and keep away from it.

Email us if you like; it's our pleasure to be of help.

Paul and Joanna

[sister Lillian]

Greetings Sister: You have great expression.

I read your story, and I am moved by it. I hope that by saying this, I am not bashed, but sometimes we must speak the truth because the spirit influences us to. I noticed that you spoke of your boyfriend, you and his girlfriends. I don't know if he is a believer or not, you did not mention it. I am hoping that the relationship between you and your boyfriend is a godly one. Sometimes when we are in certain situations that feel wrong, and if it feels wrong than it is wrong. When we are in situations that move us from the presense of God, deliverance is often un-obtainable. We must first examine ourselves to make sure that we are in the will of God.

You also mentioned that you are struggling with the spirit of jealousy and uncertainty. These are strongholds that can only be delivered by the power of God through obedience to his word. From this point on I am praying for you and your deliverance from these strongholds, by faith I know you'll be okay. In the mean time you must seek God in prayer for counsel, ask him to send Godly people in your life that's willing to tell you the truth unto deliverance. Speaking the truth in love, is not withholding it, but revealing it. That's why the scripture says the truth sets us free. God so loved the world, that he gave us the truth, that if we do not believe in his son, we will all perish. God did not have to tell us that, so that we could have the choice to choose, he did it because he loved us. With Love sister, I pray for your deliverance.

God Bless you

Love Sister Lillian

[ellenjames]

God bless you, humblegyrl and he does!

Admitting our faults is a wonderful trait; and God honors honesty. We all have some faults to work on, with God's help.

My advice would be stay close to God and give Him your time. It takes time to build are relationship with God. The more you know of His love, the more it will come in your conversations and relationships with others.

In correcting others, there's two ways to handle it.

1. There are times when God has someone else assigned to instructing the person. Then our job isjust to pray.

2. When it is our job to do the instructing, take time talk to God before we talk
to the person. And we need to build a relationship with them. Love them!
The old adage is: "they don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care."

Let me commend you for your desire to help the girl and save her from a tragedy.
That shows you care!

Ellenjames

[momwitness]

i just now had chance to read your reply. if I helped in any way I thank God for that. It sounds as if He has begun to give you Wisdom and understanding in this. He will also give you Peace. Just keep listening. The great thing about God's tests --we get to keep taking them until we pass. When someone has as teachable a heart as you seem to, it won't take long!

[sister Lillian]

Thanks Much.

SisterLillian !thumbsup!

[mendedheart]

!thumbsup! Roxanne,

Much of what you have written is so close to what I have faced. Mostly those about the strongholds I have developed over my life and have clung to. Through a trusted friend, I have been able to discard them one by one. I have become a happier person.

Many on this board have given you good advice. I can't give you any more. It's up to you to decde whether you will listen to these good advisors. They are more qualified than I am. I just know how God has worked in my messed up life and made many changes as I was ready for them. I am 74 years old and just began to really be changed in 2001.

You are young yet. Don't waste your time on all the negative feelings. You have fine goals for your life. Concentrate on them more than dwelling on your insecurities. Tell tthe devil to get lost. "Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." I John 4:4 Keep on keeping on.

God bless you and may you know His angels are all around you to protect you. Keep running the race God has set before you. Jesus loves you and so do I. Joan