Touch

[waiter]

Noticed the thread on to kiss or not to kiss, and read thru some posts.
And then remembered a short but powerful point Paul made: it is good to not touch a woman. Wording may not be exact there but you get the point I think. What it makes think or remember is that the point of greatest safety is always the most adviseable thing when dealing with the opposite sex. Knowing human nature and the easy tendency to fall into sexual misbehaviour, I think Paul was suggesting the road of certain safety. A common sense approach it seems. Sure culture may vary, etc. But in the end, we need the way that leads us through all the dangers. While no touch may be difficult for many if not most, it immediately deals with all potential problems except those of the mind and one has barred the door to the possibility of being going beyond the bounds of holiness physically with a man or a woman. While this may seem legalistic, there are far too many problems that the door is opened to when people begin to touch, whether kissing or holding hands. Touch is a powerful thing and that's all it takes I know to become wrongly influenced and physically enticed. I understand now that Paul was simply suggesting the most effective, safe, and simplest way to deal with potential problems. While I do not say it is easy, I see it's wisdom and of course it involves commitment on a believer's part, and a certain suffering in the flesh when you are romantically inclined toward a person, it is far better to maintain one's relationship and faithfulness to God than to begin to taint it with smaller or larger transgressions of boundaries that are sin. I see we need the same commitment in all other things which have an allure but to which we as believers must say no to in order to honour Christ. I could wish I had understood this when younger and that I had not crossed those boundaries. I know now it is easily possible to stay pure but it takes an understanding of what is involved and the commitment then to obey God rather than our flesh.

[Lookin^Up]

I've been investigating the word "touch" as it's used in 1 Corinthians 7:1. The Greek word is haptomai, meaning primarily "to fasten one's self to, adhere to, cling to". It can refer to a simple touch, but other meanings include "carnal intercourse with a women or cohabitation," or "no fellowship with heathen practices". The root word is haptō, which literally means "to fasten fire to a thing, kindle, set on fire".

Conclusion: when Paul tells the Corinthians how it's "good for a man not to touch a woman," he's referring specifically to a touch that would turn her on. In most relations between the sexes, that is entirely inadvisable, no matter what the culture would say. A simple peck on the cheek, even on the lips in some cultures, a touch on the shoulder or arm, holding hands, or a hug, would usually not qualify--unless the woman is incredibly codependent or a prostitute. Those types would be good to avoid altogether, relationally.

If led by the Lord, one could witness to such a person, although that's best done woman to woman; a man should not be involved.

I hope this helps.

[Tamera]

I understand what you're saying, but it reminds me of the Pharasees who wore blind folds and ran into everything so they wouldn't see a beautiful woman and lust. It's a legalistic bondage on people. Not that a person shouldn't set limits, but that person should pray and ask God where those limits should be. As far as Paul's admonition, if you look in the original Greek, you'll find that he's talking about sexual relations, not holding hands or hugging.

[kshsj777]

I'm not a Greek expert. So I don't know. But I do know this: If everybody DID follow this rule, there would be a lot less problems in this world.

Women tend to be more sensitive to touch, just like men seem to be more turned on by sight. It's the way our brains work. Believe me I know. I held hands with a boy once, and it was like a flood of emotions overwhelmed me. Of course, supposedly I was holding his hand to help keep me steady as I went up the mountain (this was a school field trip in middle school), but that wasn't the real reason. I liked holding hands with him.

I'm never going to let myself do that again, not until I get into a serious relationship, and maybe not even until I'm married. I can't trust myself, so I have to set up safeguards. I bet most of my classmates think I'm impervious to boys. Uh-uh. I notice them, but I just keep it to myself.

I'm waiting for Mr. Right to come on his white stallion and sweep me off my feet. :)

[waiter]

Well, knowing how easily a small thing can lead to a bigger thing that becomes sin and can change the course of someone's life and walk, I more than ever advocate the greatest care and caution when it comes to boundaries. It is not legalism to be safe and clear before the Lord in as much as we are capable of. Obedience can seem legalistic, but it depends on the motive of the heart in doing so. The Lord has shown me how the smallest things can be dangerous and that is the principle of a little leaven leavening the whole lump. So my advice would always be to notice the smallest indicators of danger of wrong emotions and leanings in oneself when dealing with a person of the opposite sex. The Lord has told me in all respects of life to do ALL I can to stay away from sin. I have learned from my own experience for myself what are the wrong pathways in this area of men/women and touch. My bottom line is that there should be a wide path being taken around anything that remotely may be dangerous to a particular individual in this realm. Better for us to keep our hearts clean with all diligence, and our conscience and maintain our relationship with the Lord as pure. Even as a man right now, if I notice a thought or feeling that comes to me in the course of life re: the opposite sex I know now how dangerous it is to allow even a seemingly small thing to remain there. Things have small beginnings, seeds. I would not say, Never touch another person period. I would say simply though, be very careful in all that you do, and if you notice even the smallest problem inside as a result of touch in any manner, it is best to pay attention to what is going on inside us and remember the Lord loves us and is warning us in our conscience and it may not be easy but it is always best to practice following these "touches" on our conscience. We are all so different with so many experiences which make up our character so I believe there will be variations in all of us in what affects one or the other.

[Lookin^Up]

I'm not a Greek expert either, 777, but I have great Greek resources. As far as hand-holding being sensual, it was not considered so by most people when I was in college (was that really 35 years ago???). I do like a woman touching me in a friendly manner--men too, but not as much :D--but because so many cannot control themselves, unfortunately one must gauge his/her contact by how much the other person wants to be touched.

That's especially true of people who have been hurt by an innocent touch being misinterpreted and carried too far. If there's a magical answer to this, I don't know it. God created us to be nurtured by touch, but like all His other gifts, Satan has corrupted it. So I have to be careful and respond on a person-by-person basis. :o :( :confused:

[kshsj777]

Yes, I agree. It should be on a person by person basis since everybody is different. I just have to know where my limits are and abide by them.

[Tamera]

Yes, I agree. It should be on a person by person basis since everybody is different. I just have to know where my limits are and abide by them.

That's the difference between legalism and conviction. If you abide by limits you and God set, it's conviction. If you say everybody should avoid touch, or kissing, or whatever you decide the boundary is, that's legalism.

[kshsj777]

Good point, Tamera.