My relationship

[Rachel E.]

Hi everyone,

I had a question.
Well...actually a few questions.

If you are in a serious relationship with a person(of the opposite sex, I promise) would you call it dating, or courtship?

If you call it courtship, how do you explain to the "world" what that means?

You see... I'm faced with this, and I have some kids that I'm really trying to be a good example to, and I don't know how to explain the way I feel. They don't understand the concept of courtship, so that goes right over their heads, and yet I don't want to say dating, because to them, that means that I'll get rid of my "boyfriend" when I get tired of him, even if that's next week.
Can anyone help me with this?

[lynnmosher]

Rachel, I found a few articles that look like they might be good. One site gives this explanation...

The purpose of courtship is to discover if it is God’s will for them to enter the sacrament of marriage. Courtship presupposes that both the young man and woman are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage.

Here are the links...

http://www.cfalive.org/ccourtship3.htm

http://www.familylifecenter.net/courtship.asp

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/courtship/index.html

All three are Christian sites. Hope this helps a little. Blessings...

[Rachel E.]

Dearest Lynn,

Thank you so much for taking the time to research these site's. They are a help to me, but I'm still struggling as to whether I should say it's courtship, and try to explain what that means to these kids'. Or whether I should say I'm dating, and then live a life loud enough that they will pay attention. Does that make sense?

[Lookin^Up]

To me, "courtship" has a more serious connotation than "dating" does. When you're dating, you're going out together, doing things together, enjoying each other's company. A courtship seems to be headed for something more permanent, like marriage.

[lynnmosher]

Rachel, Think of it this way...what better way and time to teach these kids what a relationship with one of the opposite sex can be when God is the center. A great time to teach them the content of this paragraph...

The purpose of courtship is to discover if it is God’s will for them to enter the sacrament of marriage. Courtship presupposes that both the young man and woman are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage.

May the Lord bless you, sweet one, with a holy relationship and the knowledge of His will for this relationship.

[Rachel E.]

Lookin Up and Lynn,

thank you both for your advice. This relationship is forever and both of us know that. We were just struggling to be a good witness to these wordly little kids. They watch us and I want them to see God through us, in our relationship. But they don't understand that concept of courtship at all, and won't sit down long enough to listen. So we've been saying that we are "dating" and yes we are boyfriend and girlfriend, because that's what they understand. I'm just praying that they understand what a God-lead relationship can be like, and see the joy we have in each other, and WANT that for themselves. That's all I can do..
Do you agree?

[lynnmosher]

Well, I pray they will see that God is the third party in your relationship, but I also pray that God will present the chance for you to tell them, for how else will they understand if someone doesn't tell them? Yes, they may see it and, then again, they may not. If you get the chance to say something, jump on it! It doesn't have to be anything lengthy. Just that God is the third party in your relationship, keeping it holy.

[Rachel E.]

Thanks Lynn, that's awesome. I will certainly do that. Thank you for the advice and the help. You are such a wonderful encouragement to me! God bless you my dear friend...

[lynnmosher]

He has blessed me...with you!!!

[Rachel E.]

Oh wow...thank you Lynn. That was the most wonderful thing you could have said to me. I really don't know what to say...

[lynnmosher]

Just do this...

http://www.smileyx.com/smilies/happy0001.gif

[adetokunbo]

Wow!!!
Im blessed by this correspondence. Im in courtship too and experience some 'ups' defining the term. Reading this, has given me more light to the whole process 'cause, we are 'letters' read by all.
The issue of being spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage is a LONG walk under the light of the Almighty. This, im discovering every day.
Thanks Lynn, Dave and Rachel!
!thumbsup!

adetokunbo,

" In Him I live , move and have my being because He is my strenght!"

[adetokunbo]

Wow!!!
Im blessed by this correspondence. Im in courtship too and experience some 'ups' defining the term. Reading this, has given me more light to the whole process 'cause, we are 'letters' read by all.
The issue of being spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage is a LONG walk under the light of the Almighty. This, im discovering every day.
Thanks Lynn, Dave and Rachel!
!thumbsup!

adetokunbo,

" In Him I live , move and have my being because He is my strenght!"

[Rachel E.]

Adetokunbo,

That is so awesome, I'm thrilled to run into someone else who has heard of and practices the "ancient" deal of courtship. THAT is AWESOME!! Tell me more about your walk through it, and I'll share with you...please? If you want, it can be by PM, if that's better for you...I'm just so thrilled to find someone else!

[little_tigress]

Hi everyone,

I had a question.
Well...actually a few questions.

If you are in a serious relationship with a person(of the opposite sex, I promise) would you call it dating, or courtship?

If you call it courtship, how do you explain to the "world" what that means?

You see... I'm faced with this, and I have some kids that I'm really trying to be a good example to, and I don't know how to explain the way I feel. They don't understand the concept of courtship, so that goes right over their heads, and yet I don't want to say dating, because to them, that means that I'll get rid of my "boyfriend" when I get tired of him, even if that's next week.
Can anyone help me with this?

i wouldn't worry about it as it all coms down to semantics. i was raised to refer to any serious relationship as dating so thats what i use. others use the word courting but can still take their relationship as lightly as any worldly form of dating.

in the end dating or courting is exactly what you make it. The world will think what it wants and you'll go crazy trying to please it by using the correct labels. the important thing is that you are living in a Godly manner and treating your relationship and significant other as he should be treated. Thats what is going to make the impact, not what label you use :)

[Rachel E.]

LT,

Thank you so much for your advice, and when it comes down to it, you are probably right. We've started calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend even though technically we both resent that term. It's what people understand, so that's what we do. Thanks again!

[kshsj777]

Just tell them that you're courting and if they don't understand, explain it to them as best to you can depending on the circumstances. I don't know about the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I guess since that's the only terms that really fit, that's what'd you use. Does that help any, Rachel?

By the way who's the lucky guy? Don't suppose I get an invitation to the upcoming wedding? LOL I'm joking about the invitation.

[Rachel E.]

Kel,

He's a friend of the family. Or rather... lol, some of the family. Hard to explain. Anyway, he's super special and I wouldn't trade him for all the world and then some. Oh, and he isnt' as lucky as me. I'm much more the lucky one.
Thanks for the advice, I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, you know?

[kshsj777]

It'll all turn out okay, Rachel. Don't worry.

[Rachel E.]

Thanks Kel, you're a good friend.

[kshsj777]

Now I just need my Mr. Right to come charging on his white stallion. :)

[Rebecca]

Now I just need my Mr. Right to come charging on his white stallion. :)

Hey, if you find him and he has a brother, send him my way! lol! ;)

Rebecca

[Rachel E.]

My Mr. Right has a brother that is 30. He's pretty good looking, but needs to get saved. Anything else you want to know?

[kshsj777]

Doesn't sound like a good candidate.

[Rebecca]

LOL, too funny! :D That's roughly the right age, and "good looking" always helps... lol!!... but I couldn't date somebody that's not already saved. Equally yolked and all that. ;)

Rebecca

[Rachel E.]

His brother, my Mr. Right, just got saved last Sept. So, I know that his brother would do good too, even though they are certainly NOT the same people. His brother is different, but good looking. How tall does he have to be?

[Rebecca]

LOL, seriously? I'm about 5'7", so anything over that. But again, I'd have very serious reservations about dating a guy who isn't saved.

Come to think of it, I have a mental list of must-haves. Might be good for some laughs. :D

Rebecca

[Rachel E.]

Well yeah! Wouldn't it be cool to be sister-in-law's? Oh for heaven's sake...LOL. Get him saved first! Move here, and then get him saved, then date him all you want. He's a pretty nice guy, just not as nice as my Mr. Right... or am I biased? lol.
He's about 5'8" or 9" maybe.
What do you mean you have a mental list? Care to share?

[Rebecca]

Sure, why not. :D

- Must be saved

- Must be my best friend

- Must love and value my children as his own (keeping in mind I wouldn't introduce my kids unless the relationship was seriously heading towards marriage. My first responsibility is to guard my childrens' hearts)

- Must be morally and socially conservative (but not legalistic / obnoxious)

- Must be chivalrous, but not chauvinistic. I'm looking for a true gentleman.

- Proper respect and high regard for women, family and children

- Must be financially responsible, successful and sound

- No addictions. This includes smoking, drugs, alcohol, or sports. I don't mind occasional, responsible drinks or sports, just nothing problematic.

- Although I want a man with high natural drives for marriage (if you catch my meaning ;)) I will absolutely not tolerate porn, strippers, or any other nasty activity that degrades women, children and/or family. No weird or deviant sexual behaviors--he must only be interested in a monogamous relationship with an adult female of the human species. (Sad, but you really do have to specify these days)

- Must be intelligent

- Must listen, be caring, compassionate, and supportive

- No hyper-critical men!

- No bad tempers or abusive tendencies of any type

- Must be fun, and have a good sense of humor! We should laugh and have a great time together

- Must appreciate and value our relationship. No taking me (and our relationship) for granted.

- Not excessively uptight.

- Must be at least average looking. A little extra weight doesn't bother me, but I wouldn't date someone extremely obese or with a hunchback. ;) Bald or balding doesn't bother me, and on the right guy, can be quite attractive.

- Must be in my age range. I'm 35, so I'm willing to date anyone roughly 28-45.

Ok, there are probably a few more things, but that's off the top of my head. The bottom line is, I'm looking for a nice, decent, wholesome guy. You'd think that would be easy to find--but so far, it's been mission impossible. :rolleyes:

Rebecca

[Rachel E.]

Rebecca,

Sounds a lot like me. My Mr. Right is a lot like what you just listed. He's basically the most gentlemanly and truly wonderful guy I've ever met. I don't know his brother that well, but I do know that he is more pushy and hmm... his own person than my guy. I don't know if he's the one for you or not, I'm by no means the one to say that. Besides, this is all in fun. But I'd love for you to meet my guy! lol.. he's sweet. I know a 31 year old man that goes to our church. He is truly a most amazing guy. You'd like him and he fit's your values a lot. He is divorced and has a few kids, but doesn't have custody of them. He is a very neat man.
Anyway...enough rambling. You probably don't even care. LOL

[lynnmosher]

Well, now I know exactly what to pray for!!! God likes specificity! LOL!

[Rebecca]

Lynn - Well, specific I am! :D lol! I figure if I ever marry again, I'm not going to settle for anything less than a good, decent, honest man. I deserve God's best--and so does my future husband (if he exists! ;)).

Rachel - Sounds like God has given you a very special gift. Hold on to it! I hope God richly blesses you both in your relationship. :)

Rebecca

[lynnmosher]

***Hijacking...Rebecca, you certainly do deserve the best. And I pray that guy soon appears for you! I want you to be blessed with a happy, complete household! Back on track...***

[Lookin^Up]

Hey, if you find him and he has a brother, send him my way! lol! ;)

Rebecca
If he has a sister, send her my way. LOL :D

[Rachel E.]

Sorry, my Mr. Right has no sisters... but...depending on age range ;) lol. I have 5 sisters.
;)

[Rebecca]

LOL, this is too funny! Maybe we should start a matchmaking section of some sort. We could entitle it, "Ask Rachel: Do you know anyone that fits the bill?" lol! ;)

Rebecca

[Rachel E.]

LOL LOL!! That is hilarious. For such a small town that I live in, I have lot's of options! of course, I got the best guy, but there are other good ones, and lot's of good girls. All of you folks that want to get married need to head over to my pad! lol...
Very funny Rebecca...VERY FUNNY! That would soooo make me laugh!

[kshsj777]

Really anybody there you could send my way, Rachel?

[kshsj777]

- Must be saved

- Must be my best friend

- Must love and value my children as his own (keeping in mind I wouldn't introduce my kids unless the relationship was seriously heading towards marriage. My first responsibility is to guard my childrens' hearts)

- Must be morally and socially conservative (but not legalistic / obnoxious)

- Must be chivalrous, but not chauvinistic. I'm looking for a true gentleman.

- Proper respect and high regard for women, family and children

- Must be financially responsible, successful and sound

- No addictions. This includes smoking, drugs, alcohol, or sports. I don't mind occasional, responsible drinks or sports, just nothing problematic.

- Although I want a man with high natural drives for marriage (if you catch my meaning ;)) I will absolutely not tolerate porn, strippers, or any other nasty activity that degrades women, children and/or family. No weird or deviant sexual behaviors--he must only be interested in a monogamous relationship with an adult female of the human species. (Sad, but you really do have to specify these days)

- Must be intelligent

- Must listen, be caring, compassionate, and supportive

- No hyper-critical men!

- No bad tempers or abusive tendencies of any type

- Must be fun, and have a good sense of humor! We should laugh and have a great time together

- Must appreciate and value our relationship. No taking me (and our relationship) for granted.

- Not excessively uptight.

- Must be at least average looking. A little extra weight doesn't bother me, but I wouldn't date someone extremely obese or with a hunchback. ;) Bald or balding doesn't bother me, and on the right guy, can be quite attractive.


I bet all the guys on this site are scratching their heads and wondering how any of them are supposed to live up to that! LOL

[Rebecca]

I bet all the guys on this site are scratching their heads and wondering how any of them are supposed to live up to that! LOL

Really? :confused: I would consider this list pretty basic stuff. It all boils down to good, solid character. So many of my friends have good husbands, that treat them well. I'm only asking the same (and am very willing to give those same attributes back in return).

If asking for a respectable gentleman as a husband is such a high bar... wow... that says really sad things for us as a society. :(

Rebecca

[Rachel E.]

Really anybody there you could send my way, Rachel?


LOL, Kel,

I don't know of anyone that want's to move. sorry... least of all my brother's! lol..
I'll keep my eyes peeled though for ya!
Blessings!