Angry Arm..true short story

[caroljean]

:eek: Angry Arm…true short story

This story begins in my home in Madison. Indiana in 1969.I was 8 yrs. old and my sister Joyce was 10. We were walking from the living room towards the kitchen when a bizarre and strange thing happened. Still inside our house we passed a side door and suddenly from out of nowhere this arm came crashing through the glass door panel shattering it to bits and pieces. The arm grabbed Joyce and began shaking her uncontrollably like a rag doll all the while clawing and tearing at her clothes. She kicked and screamed but could not break her self free from the strong grip the “angry arm” was holding her prisoner. Reaching out I clutched her free arm and began to pull her in the opposite direction. The shards of glass hung like ice cycles dangling from the frame and we were dangerously being forced towards it. With one last chance for freedom I forced all my weight tilting backwards and toppled to the floor until the stronghold was broken. It was not an easy tug of war. Joyce and I made a quick exit to the next room .Once we felt safe we retold the story of this crazy incident. The intruder was never caught or found. Joyce’s right sleeve was completely ripped off and she still bares the bloody scars from that battle.. as reminder of how we survived that horrific event .

Gods Servant
caroljean

[AngelAzariah]

___This story begins in my home in Madison Indiana, in 1969 when I was 8 yrs. old and my sister Joyce was 10. We were walking from the living room towards the kitchen; suddenly out of nowhere this arm came crashing through the side door’s glass- shattering it to bits and pieces. The arm grabbed Joyce, began shaking her uncontrollably like a rag doll, all the while clawing and tearing at her clothes. She kicked and screamed, but could not break herself free from the strong grip! The angry arm was holding her prisoner.
___Reaching out- I clutched her free arm and began to pull her in the opposite direction. The shards of glass hung like ice cycles dangling from the frame, we were dangerously being forced towards it. With one last chance for freedom, I forced all my weight tilting backwards, toppled to the floor and the stronghold was broken.
___It was not an easy tug of war but Joyce and I franticly ran to the next room (specify room). Once we felt safe, we retold the story of this crazy incident. The intruder was never caught or found. Joyce’s right sleeve was completely ripped off and she still bares the bloody scars from that battle… as reminder of how we survived that horrific event.
***********
___They say you should start each paragraph with the subject and then end with a conclusion. The idea doesn’t always work out perfectly if you ask me, but all that text in one shot can scare a reader away. Also, commas let people know they can breath when reading aloud. Some people are picky about that. Anyways, some of the story seemed unclear, and then one sentence in the beginning seemed to be a repeat of info. Shouldn’t this be in the writer’s workshop? :) Not that I really care.

[wgjones3]

Carol Jean,

The administrator has already moved one of these posts to the writer's workshop. Please, as a matter of respect to her, follow her wishes and post short stories there. There's no reason you can't come over here and chat with the rest of us, but the stories really belong in that section.

Also, as a matter of courtesy, please don't post the same thing in both forums. Since there's already a comment here, I'll leave this here.


My comments are in brackets.

This story begins in my home in Madison. Indiana in 1969.[need space here]I was 8 yrs.[don't abbreviate] old and my sister Joyce was 10. We were walking from the living room towards the kitchen when a bizarre and strange thing happened. Still inside our house[comma] we passed a side door and suddenly[cut suddeny] from out of nowhere[comma] this arm came crashing through the glass door panel[comma] shattering it to bits and pieces. [paragraph break here]The arm grabbed Joyce and began shaking her uncontrollably[cut uncontrollably] like a rag doll all the while clawing and tearing at her clothes. She kicked and screamed but could not break her self[herself] free from the strong grip the “angry arm” was holding her prisoner[run on sentence]. [paragraph break here]Reaching out[comma] I clutched her free arm and began to pull her in the opposite direction. The shards of glass hung like ice cycles dangling from the frame[beautiful imagry here] and we were dangerously[cut dangerously] being forced towards it. [paragraph break here]With one last chance for freedom[comma] I forced all my weight tilting[cut tilting] backwards[replace backwards with back] and toppled[toppled imples that you lost grip, change to dropped to or crouched on] to the floor until the stronghold was broken. [paragraph break]It was not an easy tug of war. Joyce and I made a quick exit to the next room[cut this space] .[insert space here]Once we felt safe[comma] we retold the story of this crazy incident. The intruder was never caught or found[redundant, choose one or the other]. Joyce’s right sleeve was completely ripped off and she still bares the bloody[scars, by definition, aren't bloody] scars from that battle..[cut the two periods, replace with a comma] as reminder of how we survived that horrific event[cut space here] .

[AngelAzariah]

___Oh, don't worry about my post. Just delete this thing and get it overwith. :) I won't be hurt.

[wgjones3]

I don't think Rebecca will delete it. Besides, everyone's input is valuable.