married, pregnant, and new traveling job

[righter1]

Hey all...

Thought I'd inquire if anyone has any advice...

Hubby and I've been married for a bit more than 5 1/2 years and we've only been apart for 4 days at the longest this whole time. (Well, 3 1/2, but you get the picture.) He's taking a new job that I thought I was excited for--until I found out the start date (March 31) and that he'll be in Minnesota--an 8 or 9 hour drive from home-- for 5 days a week (or more) for 4 weeks straight. Now, I'm already missing him!

On top of this, I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant, so hormones are riding high. I know this job move is for the best--the place he's leaving is horrendous--they should've been turned in for violations of safety and environmental stuff a long time ago. But, I'm a bit nervous about all the changes at once. I know with him out of the house, I'll have more time for my writing and things, but I guess I'm scared of the lonely nights and things like that.

Any suggestions for getting through this transition without crying every night of the week?

[Cymrugirl]

Don't watch or read anything romantic. It helps me to find a project (like writing ;) when my husband is gone - something that keeps me busy and makes the time go by. But definitely don't watch romantic chick flicks. They make me feel terrible when I'm missing my husband already.

[Tamera]

My hubby usually is only gone for a week at a time. But he has been gone for 3 weeks before. He usually has a trip every other month, sometimes more. The way I deal with it is to use the time as an opportunity to go out with girlfriends, get a big writing project done, and completly clean out a closet I've been wanting to get to. In other words, stay busy with projects you might not get to or at least get as much done on if he were home. Although I miss him, I've gotten to the point that I enjoy his occasional absences. I'll be praying for you.

[lindenbooks]

This separation is only for four weeks? If it's a great job change for him, four weeks of him away should be next to nothing. My husband had to do this for eight months one year--gone a month, home a few days, repeat--and the time really does fly by if you keep yourself busy with your own projects. In fact, it will "spoil" you some, and you might have to readjust a little once he's back home every day.

I think it's good to have regular reminders in every marriage that it is made up of two distinct people; not to "lose" yourself in the way that you forget that you are capable on your own. "The two shall become one" is the way you work together in this life, including through separations.

Congratulations on the baby!!!!

[righter1]

Thanks. I've been actually looking forward to the fact he'll be out of my hair more--and hope to work more on my writing (and will have more time to read when he's not around, too.) And, my cousin's getting married at the end of May, so I'll have time to plan a bridal shower I'm coordinating.

But, I'll miss him. He'll be home on weekends, which is good.

Good thing I like action/adventure movies. Star Wars will be getting watched a lot!!!! :D

[Gina123]

For many years my husband had a job where he was home for a month and then gone a month. Back and forth like that. I already had children when he started this so that kept me busy but I think the others' thoughts on this are good. Stay busy with a writing project and other things that are more active. Another thing...it is a good time for some quiet time/study ---things that often get put on the back burner because we are all so busy.

Also, keep someone on standby to help you in case you need it. If you have relatives in the area thats good. Be sure they know when you will be alone so they can be alert to any needs you might have. I know the times when my husband was away I had things happen like a flat tire, locking myself out of my house, and stuff like that.

Congratulations on his new job, sounds like an improvement over where he was working.

[jacks girl]

My Hubby is gone about 15 days on an average every month. Be happy that this is not going to be a regular thing. Also be happy he's still so close. Hubby most of the time is 1200 miles away from home. The best way to deal with it might be to pretend he's not far away at home. Don't make a big deal when he leaves. I mean don't cry if you cry wait till he leaves. Know the Lord is keeping him safe. I act like hubby is just going off to work. I don't let the Devil torment me about things... well I try not to.

Romantic movies don't bother me, I talk to hubby a lot on the phone we email each other he sends me pictures. The phone is the life saver. Be sure you both have a lot of minutes. You will get a lot of time alone so use it.. get ready for this baby. The first few days may be slow but before you know it he'll be back home and you'll be thinking Man i didnt get a thing done. LOL

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about this topic I've been dealing with being away from my famly for 18 years and now I'm at home and have been dealing with being away with hubby for 2 years.

Jacks
Prayer helps the most

[righter1]

For many years my husband had a job where he was home for a month and then gone a month. Back and forth like that. I already had children when he started this so that kept me busy but I think the others' thoughts on this are good. Stay busy with a writing project and other things that are more active. Another thing...it is a good time for some quiet time/study ---things that often get put on the back burner because we are all so busy.

Also, keep someone on standby to help you in case you need it. If you have relatives in the area thats good. Be sure they know when you will be alone so they can be alert to any needs you might have. I know the times when my husband was away I had things happen like a flat tire, locking myself out of my house, and stuff like that.

Congratulations on his new job, sounds like an improvement over where he was working.


Great suggestions! I'll have to remember to place a hide-a-key on my pickup in case I lock my keys in the car (and although we have remotes for our garage, I already have a hide-a-key for my house, too.) I know how to change my tires, though it may be a good idea to make sure the air pressure in my spare is good...

I have family close-by, and lots of supportive friends of both the male and female varieties (and most of the guys are older--like my Dad's age, so it's like having extra Dad's around.) One aunt lives about 10 minutes from my house, and another about 30 minutes. My mom is about an hour away, and sister is about 45 minutes (though I'm not sure sister would be capable of helping me out.) I also have a friend that lives about 2 hours away who's about 60 and if she found out I needed someone there, she'd probably move into my house! :) Good friends to have.

Things are getting closer, though... Hubby's last day at work is Tuesday (my b-day!) and he'll have to leave the following Sunday for Minnesota. *sigh* On one hand, it can't come soon enough, and on another, I'm dreading it.

[righter1]

Don't make a big deal when he leaves. I mean don't cry if you cry wait till he leaves.

gosh, that's a tall order! I sometimes get teary eyed when he goes to work! :rolleyes: Usually, I'll cry when he goes to visit family and I can't go for whatever reason...

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about this topic I've been dealing with being away from my famly for 18 years and now I'm at home and have been dealing with being away with hubby for 2 years.

Jacks
Prayer helps the most

Thanks. I've already warned a lot of my personal & online friends that they may be getting strange e-mails/messages from me. I really appreciate your offer! I'll probably be taking you up on it.

[jacks girl]

I konw it will be hard not to cry. Trust me the first few times I balled like a baby. But later I realized that it made it hard on him to leave when I was in that state. So that is why i say that. I give hubby a hug and kiss him by and now that i've been doing this for 2 years I don't cry. Sometimes I say shew now i can get something done LOL.

It won't be as bad as you think. Try not to fret about it and one thing that helps me is that I send up a prayer just specially for my emotions when he leaves. Here latley I'm kind of not wanting him to leave cause we had a prowler in the back yard. But now we have a camera up and more motion lights so i feel a little better.

PM me anytime.

Jacks

[righter1]

Well, hubby left the house about an hour and a half ago. :( He'll be back Friday night sometime. :( I tried really hard not to cry, but even though I wasn't bawling, tears were running down my cheeks. I think he knew I was trying to be brave. I left him a little note in the car he should find by the time he gets to Minnesota, basically telling him that I love him, to be careful, learn a lot and have fun (he took his fishing poles. :)) And, I made him some CD's last night from iTunes, so I know he won't be bored in the car. He's got enough that he should only have to listen to each CD once on the way up there. :)

I'm starting to feel like I'm looking a little pregnant. He said he'd tell me on Friday if this was the case. :rolleyes: Silly. :)

Anyway, I think I'm going to run some errands, play with my new sewing machine (birthday gift from my Dad this week), and dig out my 20-some tapes of Star Trek: Voyager to help pass the time. Maybe then I'll feel like jumping into some editing this evening. Maybe not. :o And, hope that work isn't stressful this week--I was at my wits end with the idiots there last week--to the point I almost quit. Don't need any of that while Hubby's gone.

[Tamera]

I'll keep you in prayer, Liberty.

[righter1]

I'll keep you in prayer, Liberty.

Thanks, Tamera. That means a lot. :)

It was really tough twice this afternoon--once when a roach nearly fell on me in my own living room and I was threatening to call an exterminator (we have bug zapper juice in the basement, but I didn't know that until after I called him and was ranting) and then after I'd been running errands and my oven door didn't want to open. *sigh*

The house is not that dirty (I'm not the world's best housekeeper by any means) but I was a little peeved that even though we've seen a few bugs, not just the roaches, which is understandable with the seasonal change, he hadn't sprayed for the bugs. Ah, well, I'll get it done. (Should have done it today, but got busy with other things.)

As for the oven door, the neighbor came over and fixed it so I wouldn't take a sledge hammer to the whole deal.

Of course, once hubby leaves for an extended period, things go kablooie. *sigh* God must be testing my patience... (for the umpteenth time this year...)

[Tamera]

Be careful spraying for bugs. Some chemicals aren't safe for pregnant women to breath in.

[righter1]

Be careful spraying for bugs. Some chemicals aren't safe for pregnant women to breath in.

Hmmm... Good point. Thanks. :rolleyes: I'll check the label real careful. I do remember the stuff having a strange smell, but not too strong. If I can at least get my basements (I have a basement and a subbasement) and the areas around my outside doors done, I should be able to wait for hubby to do the rest. I just hate creepy crawly things in the house. *shivers* Except one creepy crawly little kitty. :rolleyes:

[righter1]

Well, hubby left for the second time about an hour ago... *sigh* I did good this time. My eyes just teared up--didn't cry, though I didn't want to let him go, either. :rolleyes:

One other thing maybe the moms here would know. How soon does the baby start kicking where you can feel it and maybe not recognize it for what it is? I've been having occasional sharp pains and they'll be fairly rhythmic, then will go away for no apparent reason. I'm about 14 weeks along, though, so surely that's too early, right?

Anyway, it's time for a creepy-crawlie kitty's nap, and I think I'll join her. I'm kind of tired. :)

[Tamera]

Nope, not too early. With my son I felt it a 12 weeks although the doctor said it was my imagination. But it wasn't.

[righter1]

Nope, not too early. With my son I felt it a 12 weeks although the doctor said it was my imagination. But it wasn't.

Wow! That's amazing! I'll have to share with my hubby... He kind of thought I was full of it when I suggested it today.