I love married life

[jacks girl]

I personally think that the woman gives more in a marriage. I know I do. I don't complain when I'd like to cause i know things will go smoother. I'm not saying I'm better because i do this all im saying is that I think if a marriage is going to work its the woman that does more of the work.

What do you guys think and you gals too.

[lynnmosher]

Yup! I do the very same thing. The thing is, the longer we are married, the easier it gets!

[jacks girl]

Yes. i just think sometimes the men should give more too. I truly think that is why so many marraiges don't work now is because this younger generation of girls dont want to give. They are not raised with the same values as we were. they are not taught when they were young that the man is the stronger of the sexes. That he is there to protect you and that we must help them when we can.

I wish more girls could be a little more giving in and there would be more marriages working out. I don't mean those men that are cheating and the like of course. Just the little things. like don't argue you with him every time even when you know you are right.

Jacks

[lynnmosher]

My mother, who is a great Christian lady, always taught me that my husband came first! There were times, early on, when that didn't sink in like it should have but it finally did!

[jacks girl]

that is what i was talking about Lynn. Mothers today don't teach their girls that. They teach them stand up for yourself don't let him back talk you. I know that you know I don't expect for a man to hurt a woman or talk mean to her. But there is a great blessing in knowing how to end an arguement by saying.... nothing.

jacks

[lynnmosher]

Ab-so-lu-tive-ly!!! Who wants to live in strife? Not my personality! Ha! I'm the peacemaker! I've also learned that, when I get aggravated at something my husband does, or doesn't do, something that ruffles my feathers, instead of fussing within myself, speaking negative against him in my thoughts or whatever, I start praising God for him. He's a wonderful person and Christian. I praise, even if through gritted teeth, but I praise and, it doesn't take long for the praise to be genuine and heartfelt. Praise has changed my life.

[jacks girl]

I know what you mean Lynn. it's a wonder we dont have uneven teeth LOL. We are to be thankful for our hubbies even when they know they are right and we know they are not. it's a lot easier to just let them think they are right. We can smile behind their backs or what ever it takes to make us feel better. But fighting will get you no where.

jacks

[lynnmosher]

Actually, my teeth are falling apart! LOL! I hate fighting. I can't even stand impassioned debates on TV.

[jacks girl]

Hey I finally got jack up there

yeah

and a man didn't have anything to do with it LOL LOL

[lynnmosher]

LOLOLOL! I understand that, Jacks!

[jacks girl]

I think this is our own little thread Lynn.

Jacks

[lynnmosher]

Looks like! Oh, well. When we grow, we'll get others. Right now, it's kinda nice just chatting with you!

[Rebecca]

Ok, I'm taking the admin hat off for a minute and crashing your thread. lol!. ;)

I don't think the man should come first--God should.

I think the biggest problem in marriage is that partners each fail to esteem the other more than themselves. It's a give-and-take, not a master/servant relationship. It shouldn't always be the woman serving and kowtowing to the man. It should be the partners serving one another.

I really dislike the mentality that the woman always has to shut up and knuckle under so the man can force his will upon her. I dislike it very strongly, in fact. While I think it is a good idea to take time and cool off if there's an argument, the man shouldn't always get his way. The husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the Church--which means sacrificing himself for her.

Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, not domination.

I know there are many women who disagree with me, and that's fine. But as for me, I feel I'm a daughter of God, and I deserve respect from my husband. My husband is a son of God, and he deserves respect from me. Without that--respect for one another--a marriage is bound to fail.

[Rebecca]

Ah, and one more comment: A good marriage is a huge blessing. Never take it for granted!

[Hisart]

From what I've seen of marriages that fell apart, it all started when one started in with "I give more into this marriage!" and then spiraled down from there.

A good gauge of whether your marriage is working or not is to answer this one question ... Are you giving 100%? Your answer will be the same as the answer to this question ... Are you fulfilling your marriage vows?

Jesus will never ask you how He did, He will only ask what you did. The same applies to your marriage, what have you done to fulfill your vows?

[lynnmosher]

Oh, Rebecca, because it's getting so late, I've failed to word things properly. And you are absolutely right. Putting God first was a given. Sorry 'bout that!

I agree totally with all you have said. My thoughts were in the little things, those things husbands do that aggravate wives (and vice versa). Instead of building up a wall of negative feelings, I praise the Lord and all the negativity disappears.

My husband would NEVER EVER force his will on me, besides, he knows I'm right more often than he is! LOL! We have a very give and take relationship, each considering the other more important and putting that one first, even down to the last piece of chocolate. We fight over it...we fight to give it to the other! LOL! We totally respect each other. There is no domination emanating from either one of us.

I'm sorry if I gave any other impression, which obviously I did. In fact, the opposite is true. Thank you for pointing all this out. Am I redeemed?

And yes, I'm truly blessed!!!

[Rebecca]

Lynn - No apology necessary! ;) My comments weren't directed at you, but rather with the idea of male domination in a relationship. I've known too many women--including myself--who put up with abuse from their husband or significant other. Because of that, it's a topic I'm very sensitive to--probably overly so. I don't ever want any woman--or man, for that matter--to feel they're obligated to endure abuse or domination in a relationship.

I know you weren't condoning anything of that sort! In the light which you meant them, I think your comments are right on track. :) I apologize to you if I came off sounding harsh or like that was directed at you in any way.

Hisart - Good observations! Nothing like feelings of resentment or entitlement to send things into a tailspin.

Btw - Love the avatar!

[lynnmosher]

Rebecca, I know they weren't directed at me but I just wanted you to know that what I posted wasn't all of what I believe and found to be true and works. You are absolutely right. No one should endure abuse from anyone. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you are healing. I didn't think you were harsh, just impassioned. Usually, the difference is obvious.

BTW, it's difficult to tell but the clouds look like hands in the sky. It's supposed to be a true photo but I think it may have been manipulated.

[Rebecca]

No worries! :) I feel bad, like I hijacked a thread, which wasn't my intention. Quick, someone else speak up and drag us back onto course! :D

[jacks girl]

You can jack the thread anytime Becca. the only kind of abuse i will take is hubby thinking he is right more than he is LOL. Glad for the input.. there is lots of times i open my mouth when i know it's only going to prolong the inevitable. that is all i meant, but the woman does do more of the work I think.

jacks

[Ransom v. Unman]

Men have a terrible way of looking at a verse that says "Wives, submit to your husbands", and then not reading any further to where Paul says "Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for them."

But, I guess that's kind of typical of popular hermeneutics. We read the part that fits in with our desires, and chunk out the challenging bits that might demand we reinterpret our stances or change our beliefs.

/sigh

Anyway, yeah, marriage rocks.

[kshsj777]

I know I don't belong on this thread, but I've been reading over everybody's posts, and couldn't resist giving out my thoughts.

Both things are true. Women do need to submit to their husbands, but husbands have to love their wives like Christ loved the church. Now I don't know about you, but personally I think the husbands got it hard! They have to love their wives enough that they're willing to DIE for them. And what are us women supposed to do? RESPECT THEM!!!

Okay, I will shut up now and retreat to my "Singles" corner.

[lynnmosher]

No, Kellie. Stay. I think it is always good for a single person to hear the opinions of seasoned vets. Maybe we'll all learn something, right?

Oh, and Rebecca, you weren't hijacking at all. In fact, you were right on. We love having your input. We wish you did it more. I've always felt that way in CW.

[kshsj777]

Thanks, Lynn. I could always use some advice and learn from all your mistakes! (The "your" is plural, to everybody that's married, not just you, Lynn :))

[lynnmosher]

LOL! Mine are plural also! LOL!

[ProfessorAlan]

I think that each couple has to work out what works for them, within broad biblcal guidelines. I have a strong, successful 20-year marriage, but the way my wife and I are as a couple only works for us, because of the way my wife and I are individually.

[lynnmosher]

You are absolutely right, Prof!

[jacks girl]

I think that might go for all of us. Like hubby we never say sorry around her unless we bump into each other. After a fight we just smile and go on. That wouldn't work for everyone but it works for us. Glad for all the input.

Once again Rebeca has a great new site.

Jacks

[mbeachbum]

I'm a bit late getting here, but I thought I'd add my two cents.

My husband and I got married when I was 19 and he was 21. That was 33 years ago. It's safe to say that married life is just about all I've ever known. Basically, I went from my parents' house to a life with my husband.

Overall, it's been good, with a bunch of twists and turns and bumps in the road.

I must admit, though, that there have been times when I thought that I married too young. I never found out if I could survive on my own. :confused:

Now that our children are grown and on their own, I am finding the freedom . . . and giving myself permission. . . to pursue some of the things that I put on hold for the first 30 years of our marriage. Although I'm taking this very slowly (need to build up courage), it's really neat and one of the best things about it is that my husband truly supports me in these explorations. :)

So, yeah, marriage is a good thing. :p

[Tommie Lyn]

Like the title of the thread says, I love married life. I can't imagine any other life for myself than as wife to my hubby (who is my best friend), mother to my children and grandmother to my grandchildren.

I haven't always lived up to the ideal I hold in my mind of what a wife should be, nor has hubby lived up to what I expected of him when we married. We've had (and still have) our quarrels, our times of agreement -- but the important thing, for us, is that we both committed ourselves to being married when we made our vows 45 years ago.

And so, we've kept going and kept plugging away, helping each other along, putting up with each other's foibles and imperfections. I sort of see our life together as a 3-legged race -- neither of us will make it across the finish line if we don't both make it.

Now, we are at that time in our lives when our physical selves are beginning to show the wear and tear of years of living on this old earth, and I'm finding that his wrinkles, gray hair and other signs of aging are even more endearing than those attributes which first drew me to him almost 50 years ago. I know what we both went through that whitened those hairs and made the planes of that face less smooth.

So, yes, I love married life.

[Derby]

Is Jack a fella?

[lynnmosher]

Since she's not around, I'll tell you...Jack it her dog, hence the picture. She belongs to the dog!

[dublinheart]

I'd like to take acception with this original comment. Yes, the woman does give a lot, but more than a man-I don't think so if it's a marriage in proper alignment. I think the woman just gives in a different way than a man does. This is assuming that both man and woman have their priorities straight according to the Word.
What else did you expect from a man. Right?

[lynnmosher]

You're probably right, dublin! And I also think it varies from each couple's relationship...in one, the male may give more, while in another, the woman may give more. Of course, it should be that both sides give 100% but that doesn't always occur. And, it may vary from day to day within one relationship. Did that make any sense?

[Hisart]

If I have a 55gal drum and you have a 5.5gal bucket and we both give 100%, who does the worldly say gave more? Jesus said that the Widow's two mites was more than all the rich gave with their bags of gold, because she gave 100%.

[lynnmosher]

Oooo, good one!

[Tamera]

My hubby and I have been married 29 years. The last 13 have been absolutely wonderful. The first 16, he wasn't saved and was an alchoholic. Now he is the best husband in the world. He shows his love for me every day in many different ways. I would do anything for him and he would for me. I say that because I know we both serve God and wouldn't require anything of each other that is contrary to God's Word.

One thing that really makes me feel blessed is that my hubby and I support each other. If I have something I want to do - like take a year off work to write - he is my biggest encourager. If he says something like "I'm under so much stress at work that I want to retire early even though it hurts us financially," I say, "I'll support you in whatever you decide." I see a lot of couples who don't do this. One couple in particular, the husband believed he was called into full time ministry and the wife told him that he couldn't do it because it would be hard on her. That's just an example. In marriage, a husband and wife should be each others biggest fans.

[kshsj777]

In marriage, a husband and wife should be each others biggest fans.



LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll keep that in mind when I get married someday.

[ProfessorAlan]

The best marriages are not 50-50, they're 100-100.

[Tamera]

That's true. Sometimes I give the 100 and sometimes my hubby does.

[jacks girl]

If you weight out things hubby gives more physically but i give a lot more mentally. I'm the one that hushes when i know I'm right but don't want the argument. I'm the one that doesn't fuss when he's late, or stays up all night watching tv, or tosses his clothes all over the house.

But let me forget something or not do something right, or leave something off the grocery list, or forget to clean something, and then lets see who gives more. I still say a woman gives more to the emotional, mental, forgiveness side of the marriage. The man may do more in a physical sense because he makes the money and he works but if it's going to work I still say in my opinion the woman is the reason a marriage works cause she will give in on her side of the argument, and be more forgiving of the little things smile when she don't feel like it, hug him when he needs it, love him no matter what he does, clean even though we'd rather be doing something else. LOL thats a big one for me I would much rather be writing.


OH well may be that isn't the way it works at your house but thats how it goes in most of the
houses i know around here.

Jacks Girl

[Tamera]

If you weight out things hubby gives more physically but i give a lot more mentally. I'm the one that hushes when i know I'm right but don't want the argument. I'm the one that doesn't fuss when he's late, or stays up all night watching tv, or tosses his clothes all over the house.

But let me forget something or not do something right, or leave something off the grocery list, or forget to clean something, and then lets see who gives more. I still say a woman gives more to the emotional, mental, forgiveness side of the marriage. The man may do more in a physical sense because he makes the money and he works but if it's going to work I still say in my opinion the woman is the reason a marriage works cause she will give in on her side of the argument, and be more forgiving of the little things smile when she don't feel like it, hug him when he needs it, love him no matter what he does, clean even though we'd rather be doing something else. LOL thats a big one for me I would much rather be writing.


OH well may be that isn't the way it works at your house but thats how it goes in most of the
houses i know around here.

Jacks Girl

What is your love language, Jacks? Is it possible that works of service is your husband's love language, and he doesn't feel you love him when you don't clean? Is it possible he's showing his love in a way that you don't respond to, so you don't see it as an expression of love? Just some thoughts to consider.

[ProfessorAlan]

... I still say a woman gives more to the emotional, mental, forgiveness side of the marriage ... the woman is the reason a marriage works ... be more forgiving of the little things ... hug him when he needs it, love him no matter what he does ...

I have no problem with you making these comments about your marriage (or even those you know), but the broad generalities bother me, to be honest.

[jacks girl]

professor you must have missed the last line....

OH well may be that isn't the way it works at your house but thats how it goes in most of the
houses i know around here.

[ProfessorAlan]

no, I read that.

[jacks girl]

Tamera said.......

What is your love language, Jacks? Is it possible that works of service is your husband's love language, and he doesn't feel you love him when you don't clean? Is it possible he's showing his love in a way that you don't respond to, so you don't see it as an expression of love? Just some thoughts to consider.


I'm not really sure how we got on the subject of love here. I read what i typed three times i never mention love or the lack of. What my thread deals with mostly is patients and who gives in the most and i would win on both counts here. Its hard to get everything from only typed words so let me say. I clean house and its clean but cluttered for lack of closet space. Hubby does catch me in the puter chair a bit to much but just cause he finds me there doesn't mean i was there all day :plol.

We both are not perfect by any means :rolleyes:but we are perfect for each other. But I still think that the woman if she was raised to be a proper wife will be the one that gives in, the one that shows patients, the one that puts love above her pride because she's a woman and God made us to be the help mate and this in my book is what a help mate does.

There is a big difference in putting up with someone beating you and knowing when to say yes dear your right, then turn and smile and say NOT.... lol

Jacks

[Tamera]

Every marriage is different. But personally I believe my husband has it harder than I do. He is a godly man, and I love him very much.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

I am commanded to submit to my husband. (Everytime I've studied this, I've come to the conclusion that submit means to defer and respect, not obey.) But my husband is commanded to love me as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. I have seen my husband do this.

I have seen him stand up for me and and protect me and his children against abusive people in the church. He has been a financial support to me even when it meant working a job that is giving him great stress and allowing me to quit my paying job. He is always fixing cars, roofs, furnaces, mowing lawns, and doing other things around the house to save us money. He has supported my giving most of the money I made at the job to ministry while I was working there.

He has listened to me and comforted me while I cried. He has prayed with our adult children in the middle of the night when they were going through a hard time. When my son found out his wife of 2 months left him because she was cheating on him, my husband drove 10 hours straight to get to him as quick as possible. An incident happened with my daughter where he did the same thing. Before I was healed of fibromyalgia, he took the brunt of the household chores upon himself.

He is the spiritual leader of our home, but he has led with servant leadership, not with control or dictatorship. Whenever I've felt God leading me to do something, he has supported me, encouraged me, and sometimes pushed me to do it.

I would love to be the wife that he deserves, but it is because he treats me like Christ treats the church, that I want to be that wife.

He gives more to the marriage than I ever could, because he has more pressure on him than I do. I love him very much.

[Xenia]

I just figure if my guy wants to act like the King of the castle then that makes me the Queen right? :p

[lindenbooks]

I LOVE what Xenia said!!!!:D

Tamera, what you've shared about your husband would make singles break into tears of longing, and us married folks look crossed-eyed at ourselves and our spouses!;)

Yet, you said, "our adult children." Therefore, you guys have obviously had years to grow together, and kudos to you both that you have! It wasn't until my husband and I had been married twenty years before I felt more smooth waves than rough ones. In fact, I remember well that on our sixth anniversary he brought me black balloons; we were so unhappy with each other!

There are two things I can say about marriage: 1) IT'S HARD! 2) It's worth it. And by "worth it" I mean, when youth quickly passes, it's great to have someone who's basically in your corner. And, I say "basically," because most of us don't feel that it's the case 100% of the time.:p

Albeit, for those of us who have been married over twenty years, we have more to be thankful for than to complain about (not in all cases, but in many, if it's lasted that long), and we don't envy people who are still looking, not at all!

Yes, I love marriage, too: it's the greatest character builder of all time, and, an example of God's faithfulness to us in its proper functioning.

Oh--and on the biblical subject of submission, I'd like to add my own thoughts on that, from my recent essay, (sorry for the length of this post, I don't know what's the matter with me; I can be SO verbose!) quoting myself (and Oswald):

In 1 Timothy 2, verses 13 and 14, Paul points to the fall; the fact that it was Eve who was deceived. This is very important. Women are inclined by nature to act independently when faced with temptation. To focus [submit] their whole will toward what is mutually beneficial is what counteracts their nature toward balance.

Men, on the other hand, are just the opposite. If we take the example of Adam, who followed his wife into disobedience, we see that men tend by nature to react to temptation (this includes sins of omission) without thinking through the consequences. To be willing to make a contribution [lead] toward what is mutually beneficial is, for men, what counteracts their nature toward balance.

It’s going from one errant extreme to the other for a woman to cower and to take on a defeated spirit in an attempt to portray a submissive one. And it’s going from one errant extreme to the other for a man to bully and lord authority over those he’s been entrusted to protect and to present a godly example to. All extremes are carnality in action.

Here’s an interesting insight:

“A woman can sink lower than a man because she can rise higher; the woman who has not a right relationship to God may become a she devil, e.g., the attitude of a woman in revenge. The tragedies of human life along this line are appalling. Four things—sex, money, food, and mother earth—make a man a king and a woman a queen, or they make a man a beast and a woman a she devil.” ~Oswald Chambers

[Tamera]

I LOVE what Xenia said!!!!:D

Tamera, what you've shared about your husband would make singles break into tears of longing, and us married folks look crossed-eyed at ourselves and our spouses!;)

Yet, you said, "our adult children." Therefore, you guys have obviously had years to grow together, and kudos to you both that you have!

Thank you. My husband and I will have been married thirty years, next year. It hasn't always been easy. For the first 16 years of our marriage, he wasn't saved. He was an alcoholic who at times was very mean and controlling. All I could do during that time was pray for him. At one point near the end of that time, I was seriously contemplating divorce even though I knew I didn't have Biblical grounds. Then God saved and filled my husband. He instantly became a new person. His voice softened so much that the phone that he would give vocal commands to didn't recognise his voice. Since then, our marriage has been wonderful.

I know there are times when divorce is nessecary. I would never judge anyone who has made that painful decision. And there are some marriages where the husband is controlling, dictatorial, and mean. My heart goes out for those women. But when I see women complaining about their husbands who are trying to be good husbands unlike my husband used to be, I just want to yell, "If you prayed for him as much as you complain about him, maybe God would do something."

I'm adding this to the end of my post, because I didn't want anyone thinking I was being judgemental to those who have marriage problems. Marriage is hard and everyone, including me, has issues. My husband and I have bad days when we grump at each other. I am speaking only in generalities.

[jacks girl]

I'm speaking of emotional only here in my comment. it sounds like you have a man like my dad and those are few and far between.

jacks

[lindenbooks]

I agree Tamera; we aren't to judge people who are divorced. When Jesus spoke to the Pharisees (I hope I'm not getting too far off onto a side-eddy here) about divorce, He spoke to their hypocrisy and pride more than anything. We know from history what they were doing. Anywho...

I had thought that about you as soon as I pressed "Submit Reply"; you're a woman with a thankful heart. I'll never forget a talk I heard years ago from an older Norwegian lady; she said that her mother's last advice to her kids was this admonishment, "An ungrateful heart will lead to all forms of sin."

But I do understand how hard it was for you those first sixteen years! And praise God for intervening just in time; that your husband's heart was willing, that it wasn't too late for both of you. It definitely takes two!

And Jack's Girl: your daddy sounds like my grandfather--oh, boy, was he RARE, and it was one of the things that set my mother on the wrong footing in marriage as a young woman; she thought all men were supposed to be like her daddy. They surely aren't!