To kiss, or not to kiss?

[pajarita_deDios]

My best friend is about to be married on the 18th of this month. She and her fiance decided to have their first kiss on their wedding day. I made the same decision a while back (and being 22, it's getting weird), but I'm just wondering what the general thought about that is.

[kshsj777]

I'm not sure. Some people will wait until they're engaged, while some wait until their wedding day. I haven't really decided for myself, yet, but I'd at least wait until engagement.

[Ransom v. Unman]

When I hear about such grey-area purity issues like these, it always brings to mind this quote...

'Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli.
'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.'
'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli.
'Or break it,' said Elrond. 'Look not too far ahead! But go now with good hearts! Farewell, and may the blessing of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you.

Okay, so maybe I'm stretching the symbolic significance of this scene, but it always reminds me of a truism when it comes to such things. The Bible expressly forbids sexual activity outside of marriage – but what about signs of affection such as kissing? In Europe, good friends will kiss each other on the mouth, and Paul admonishes severa churches that they would greet each other with holy kisses. For my part, I saved myself for marriage, but I never put a mandate on myself to forego kissing until that day. Obviously I demarkated boundaries and limits, but I didn't put any burden on my own heart that was not something God hadn't already (and wisely and rightly) given me.

I have seen in my experience that sworn oath may strengthen a quaking resolve to stay pure, or break it. If you feel like this would be a good standard to hold yourself to, and that you (and whoever you're courting/dating/getting an arranged marriage with) can live up to it, by all means! Don't smooch 'til that day! But don't break yourself on this stuff either.

It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider his vows.
Always keep this verse (and the many others like it!) in mind when you go making a vow to do X, Y or Z for God and His glory.

[lynnmosher]

Ransom, Weren't the "holy kisses" ones given on the cheek?

[Ransom v. Unman]

To be technical, we don't know for sure. It's common for friends of the same sex to kiss each other on the mouth as a greeting in Eastern Europe, for example...

[jacks girl]

I myself think it's a bit much. Kiss everyone you can. LOL... Well may be not that much. But kissing is a sign of affection. True it can lead to other things but so can holding hands.

I think if it's something you want to do because you feel it's what you need. Then fine. But don't do it because you think it's what others think you should do. I think that you need to at least kiss 5 or 6 different people. When you get old and gray that's all you'll have to talk about LOL. Just kidding there will also be how many times you go to the bathroom a day.

All joking aside if i can. It's what people that are dating do. It one day will be a part of your past and something that you'll look back on and laugh about, think man did I kiss him. I think holding off on the biggie is a good idea, its what the Bible says to do. But I dont think it is a sin to kiss people.

Have fun enjoy life. If someone would have told me when I was 16 now wait don't kiss anyone until your married. I would have told them to kiss my nose. LOL....

My first Kiss was when I was 16. I was determined not to be sweet 16 and never kissed. LOL. Don't get me wrong I was not a kissing bandit. But now that I'm 41 and looking back, I don't think man i should have waited until i was 18 to kiss my hubby first. I think man am i this old..... LOL.

Follow your heart, if you want to say I've never kissed anyone but my husband than go for it. People say I'm crazy because I won't go see a movie in a theater but I never have been to one and don't intend too. It's something that makes me special to me and that in the end is what matters.

Jacks.

[melw]

i kissed only a few men before my husband. But i didn't feel it was wrong. I think it must be special to only kiss your husband on your wedding day, but it is isnt' something i could do

MEL

[jacks girl]

When you kiss the man that you love it's special, and i really don't know how you can understand how special something is if you've never kissed someone else.

If i gave you some cake and you had never had cake before in your life wouldn't you think it was the best ever. I'm once again not saying kiss every man you come to but just don't feel that it's wrong or a sin if you do kiss a few.

jacks
good post melw

[pajarita_deDios]

and i really don't know how you can understand how special something is if you've never kissed someone else.

Don't worry, I think I'll know ;)

[Ransom v. Unman]

and i really don't know how you can understand how special something is if you've never kissed someone else.

Whoa, missed this, but I see a flaw in the logic here:

People could make the same arguement about sex, and use it as a way to undermine the Bible's teaching about sexual purity and the sanctity of marriage.

[kshsj777]

Good point, Ransom.

[Rebecca]

I think it's a personal preference. If you feel convicted about it, perhaps God is telling you to wait.

Personally, I think kissing before marriage is fine, and healthy. It's a natural way of showing affection for someone you care deeply about. :)

Rebecca

[A-M-Sanctified]

I used to think that I'd definately wait until my wedding for my first kiss(back when I was 14), but as the years go by I've realized that's a decision to be made when the time comes.
For now, I'll hold to my decision not to kiss until I'm engaged.
I believe its a personal conviction.
If God puts it on your heart to hold off on kissing until you're at the alter, then you should follow that.
Otherwise, guard your heart, mind and soul in whatever ways you need to stay pure.

[FireFeet]

In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for "kiss" (nashaq) is derived from the primary root meaning "to kindle."

A kiss is the kindling for the fire of passion. I think it's best not to gather kindling until you're ready for the fire to be lit.

[Tamera]

Ah, but each person is different. If we try to set the same limits for everyone, we're getting into legalism. Fornication is a sin. Lust is a sin. Each person should set his own limits so that he does not fall into sin. With each person, that will be different.

[srussell]

In college I went on a missions trip to South Africa. They are a lot more kissy there than in the U.S.

One of my hosts was an elderly Dutch woman. She gave me a smacker right on the lips when I left. Since I felt her mustache, there was not much kindling going on there! I still laugh when I think about it.

Sam

[Ransom v. Unman]

There are all types of root words that have become completely detached from their original meanings we use all the time today. The word kiss in Hebrew means to set a kindle as much as the F-word means "rub".

[righter1]

Chiming in a bit late, but better late than never.

I met my husband when I was 19. He was raised a lot differently than I was (in some ways) although we are both Christians. We'd not really talked about kissing or holding hands or anything, and one night after a date, I invited him into my house since I wasn't quite ready for the evening to be over and I was being nice. (It was December, and he had about a 1/2 hour drive back to his apartment.) We'd been dating a little more than a month. He took this as an invitation to try to play tonsil hockey. Though I'd never been of the thought of waiting till my wedding day, or even until engagement, he still caught me off guard and we had a weeklong fight over it. One of our friends had to intervene. I had to tell him I needed things to go a bit slower--this wasn't just a regular peck on the lips, but serious kissing that I was completely unprepared for! I had to ask a guy friend of mine at the time--over the internet--how you kissed someone--because I was clueless. (He was more than happy, though a bit befuddled, to help me out.)

Needless to say, we got through that. We got engaged about 4 1/2 months later, and got married less than 4 months after that.

Point is, like everyone else said, you have to make up your own mind how far is too far. And, don't back down. (Probably a good idea to have that discussion early in your relationship, too, since miscommunication happens--obviously, given my story.)

Good luck!

[Lookin^Up]

Too many people these days read too much into the simplest acts. The "holy kiss" was the standard cheek to cheek variety that is common in the Mid East; I've seen nothing to say otherwise. That correlates to a hug in US culture, and the lip kiss in Europe. As for romance, it used to be understood that a kiss isn't really about sex as much as about demonstrating you want to be more than friends. Holding hands was the public show of that fact, while kissing was supposed to be done in private, aside from a simple peck now and then.

Today, things have changed. Even the simple US hug is assumed to be a sexual act by some (not in the know). It's almost like living in a police state and being thrown in jail and/or executed for minor acts. Be wise both in maintaining pure thoughts and watching where you are. To my mind, kissing, hugging, and holding hands are innocent forms of affection that go beyond "hi, how are you?", but not nearly as far as "sleep with me tonight". That part should always come after marriage, never before. To others, well ... use your best judgment

[Lori]

I agree!

One of you mentioned what was for me a very valid point, "It all depends on where you are at, and how it affects you personally." Now, I'm going to be honest. I have decided not to kiss until either I'm engaged, or a few days before my wedding day. I am very susceptible to the male species, and I know my limits. Once it started, I would be easily led down the wrong path. This applies to me personally. For some people, a kiss might not be even remotely problematic. For me though, it definitely could be.

I also have the thought that by kissing other men before I marry my husband, how is that keeping me pure? True it is not techically "too far," but how far is too far, and how can I always be sure that a kiss won't lead down the "point of no return?" These are some thoughts I have.

Personally, I intend to avoid kissing entirely until I'm at least engaged. This may sound silly, but I would want to kiss the guy before the actual wedding. I have horror visions of this painfully awkward kiss because neither one of us have ever done it, lol. :D

[lawi]

before you do anything there is you motive .......whats the reason behind ...if its an innocent pek kiss on a cheek its fine....but whatever the motive i don't think deep tongue kissing is any less worse than adultery .....Jesus said that if you think bout it you have done it....i fail sometimes but cant justify my actions .....

[Amica]

I don't know about that.

When I kissed my boyfriend/fiance, I was mainly thinking about kissing him.

When we got married and I had sex for the first time, that's when I was thinking about the sex! To say that deep kissing is as bad as adultery (if I understood you properly) is really putting a burden on people who don't have the same reactions to a kiss as you do. If it makes YOU lust, and is as bad as adultery for YOU, then YOU should definitely avoid it.

But another thing to avoid is thinking that everyone is having the same reactions and thought processes as you are. :)

[lawi]

I wish I was like that………………I envy you …be blessed for correction ………..
:) Everyone has his opinion that’s why the question was raised was asked :) on the forum its good to share all ….so that one might understand

[lawi]

In college I went on a missions trip to South Africa. They are a lot more kissy there than in the U.S.
Sam

:)hehehehe this is funny one ………in Africa many many people have a wrong image of USA, what pple see in the TV they don’t know it happened only in Hollywood and Spanish Studio’s ………..they think that’s how life is in USA in reality…so they tend to do all thy see on TV obviously collecting all vises I have met many Christians from USA and they are grounded into the word of God

[Lookin^Up]

Not unlike the US stereotypes of Africans dancing around a campfire with paint on their faces, yet there are modern cities and high technology there. Suffice it to say, Hollywood does not have much of a grasp on reality.

[Amica]

A lady at our former church is here in the US as a missionary. FROM Africa.

I love that! !thumbsup!

[mel3]

Never heard of that before!
Well if its a mutual decision between themselves then good for them!

[silvernomore]

Well let's see... I made the decision not to kiss a guy on the lips until i was married back when i was a teenager. I am 24 now, and I have kept it up to this point, and thouroughly intend to keep it until I marry. I totally encourage you to save your kiss until you get married. When I was 20 I had a boyfriend, and we were totally going to get married, but things happen. I reconsidered my decision on several occasions because although to save my kiss was something i wanted I also understand that to kiss his was not a sin, but I can honestly say that I am glad I didn't. Now that we are no longer together I am happy that I have saved that special kiss for the man that I will marry.
I know that people say that it will be a sweet memory no matter what becomes of the relationship, but I would much rather have the sweet memory without the pain of having to know that those special moments won't ever happen again.