eleazar
05-10-2007, 02:14 AM
The most significant rule in a healthy family relates to respect for authority.
When I was in the army I tried to get familiar with a sergeant. He had been friendly to us earlier so it seemed okay to joke with him. He quickly put me in my place, because I was embarrassing him and taking liberties.
There is an instinct within all of us to test the boundaries of relationships. It looks for weaknesses and tries to exploit them, partly out of a need to define oneself. The most persistent battlefield though is in the family, where parents need to maintain a certain tension in the home to keep it together.
During my time in the army we had some mean leaders. They would haul us out of bed at 2 am to evaluate the capacity of our bladders or chase us off into the hills to find a leaf and then send us back for the other leaf.
We have also all had bosses like that. They would be gruff and unreasonable and strict. I even had it at school, where we used to have caning-relays, going round the class to each collect as many cuts as possible – great icebreaker on a cold day.
No permanent harm was ever done, most of us benefited, morale was high and memories were lingering. We had such war stories to relate to each other and had such fun getting almost into trouble or just out of trouble.
The discipline created healthy tensions. Sloppiness, disrespect and untidiness were far from our minds. We were aware of what had to be done to survive and get through each day. There was a clear line that we would not cross, because every time we tried, something went badly wrong.
These tensions could be described as backbone, the solid foundation on which everything else is built. It ensures readiness, commitment, awareness, attention to detail, loyalty … all wonderful virtues to take into life. People who grow up outside such environments actually battle to fit in and they work against themselves – in fact the rest of the team will often censure them.
My eldest son is playing rugby. The disciplines for messing around during practices, include running around the field. In the years to come I believe this will help adjust my son to real life. I find that ex sportsmen generally make very good employees because they have learnt: discipline, team work, how to handle pain, etc.
So when I tested my sergeant I tampered with a vital part of what makes a good army work. I was trying to undermine the healthy tension between leaders and followers. Loss of respect for leaders can cost lives in the army and it breeds low morale, disinterest, in fighting, restlessness and insecurity.
When a parent allows a child to cross that last frontier into the forbidden territory of familiarity and disrespect, it can do more harm than a hiding might do. Appropriate discipline is needed to nip such behaviour in the bud.
James Dobson relates how he was firmly disciplined as a young boy. It helped him to grow up with a healthy awareness of the consequences of disrespect, whilst still feeling memorably loved. I can relate to this: one day I drove my Mom to the point where her frustration welled up and she broke a bicycle pump over my head – in my surprise I suddenly found new expressions of respect, like: “Wow, way to go Mom”.
Dobson is adamant that boundaries must not be defined by the child. Parents must set boundaries and maintain them. “When they slap their bony little toes over the line, they should experience the consequence immediately”, otherwise by definition the line has been moved – and it will continue to move until it gets out of control.
He argues that most children are “analytical about defying parental authority”. We are just as analytical in defying authority: The speed limit is 120kph, but we’ve heard of a 10% leeway, which means the unofficial limit is 132kph, but as that is almost 135, why not drive at 140, after all so many others are getting away with it at 150. Until the authorities apply consistent and relevant disciplines, death rates on our roads will continue to be as much a function of speed as they are of ill-discipline, lack of courtesy, reckless behaviour and so on.
So our challenge to you is: “Dare to Discipline”.
In the TV sitcom “8 simple rules”, Cate (a single mother) takes courageous and effective steps to restrain her teenage daughters Bridget and Kerry and her son Rory. The kids try everything to undermine her, but she never backs down and has very clear boundaries (8 simple rules) – a good, albeit humorous example for all.
Every good home needs its own simple, non-negotiable rules. Cate’s rules relate to the dating of her daughters, we need them to save our families.
When I was in the army I tried to get familiar with a sergeant. He had been friendly to us earlier so it seemed okay to joke with him. He quickly put me in my place, because I was embarrassing him and taking liberties.
There is an instinct within all of us to test the boundaries of relationships. It looks for weaknesses and tries to exploit them, partly out of a need to define oneself. The most persistent battlefield though is in the family, where parents need to maintain a certain tension in the home to keep it together.
During my time in the army we had some mean leaders. They would haul us out of bed at 2 am to evaluate the capacity of our bladders or chase us off into the hills to find a leaf and then send us back for the other leaf.
We have also all had bosses like that. They would be gruff and unreasonable and strict. I even had it at school, where we used to have caning-relays, going round the class to each collect as many cuts as possible – great icebreaker on a cold day.
No permanent harm was ever done, most of us benefited, morale was high and memories were lingering. We had such war stories to relate to each other and had such fun getting almost into trouble or just out of trouble.
The discipline created healthy tensions. Sloppiness, disrespect and untidiness were far from our minds. We were aware of what had to be done to survive and get through each day. There was a clear line that we would not cross, because every time we tried, something went badly wrong.
These tensions could be described as backbone, the solid foundation on which everything else is built. It ensures readiness, commitment, awareness, attention to detail, loyalty … all wonderful virtues to take into life. People who grow up outside such environments actually battle to fit in and they work against themselves – in fact the rest of the team will often censure them.
My eldest son is playing rugby. The disciplines for messing around during practices, include running around the field. In the years to come I believe this will help adjust my son to real life. I find that ex sportsmen generally make very good employees because they have learnt: discipline, team work, how to handle pain, etc.
So when I tested my sergeant I tampered with a vital part of what makes a good army work. I was trying to undermine the healthy tension between leaders and followers. Loss of respect for leaders can cost lives in the army and it breeds low morale, disinterest, in fighting, restlessness and insecurity.
When a parent allows a child to cross that last frontier into the forbidden territory of familiarity and disrespect, it can do more harm than a hiding might do. Appropriate discipline is needed to nip such behaviour in the bud.
James Dobson relates how he was firmly disciplined as a young boy. It helped him to grow up with a healthy awareness of the consequences of disrespect, whilst still feeling memorably loved. I can relate to this: one day I drove my Mom to the point where her frustration welled up and she broke a bicycle pump over my head – in my surprise I suddenly found new expressions of respect, like: “Wow, way to go Mom”.
Dobson is adamant that boundaries must not be defined by the child. Parents must set boundaries and maintain them. “When they slap their bony little toes over the line, they should experience the consequence immediately”, otherwise by definition the line has been moved – and it will continue to move until it gets out of control.
He argues that most children are “analytical about defying parental authority”. We are just as analytical in defying authority: The speed limit is 120kph, but we’ve heard of a 10% leeway, which means the unofficial limit is 132kph, but as that is almost 135, why not drive at 140, after all so many others are getting away with it at 150. Until the authorities apply consistent and relevant disciplines, death rates on our roads will continue to be as much a function of speed as they are of ill-discipline, lack of courtesy, reckless behaviour and so on.
So our challenge to you is: “Dare to Discipline”.
In the TV sitcom “8 simple rules”, Cate (a single mother) takes courageous and effective steps to restrain her teenage daughters Bridget and Kerry and her son Rory. The kids try everything to undermine her, but she never backs down and has very clear boundaries (8 simple rules) – a good, albeit humorous example for all.
Every good home needs its own simple, non-negotiable rules. Cate’s rules relate to the dating of her daughters, we need them to save our families.