Passive or active voice

[whitehawke]

Here's a little problem. :eek:
In a novel it's best to write in active voice, but what happens when the thing you want to say, keeps coming out passive? Below is the sentance I'm fighting with plus the score it recieved. Has anyone got any ideas, please?

He had no desire to be thrown and dragged by his leg.
Reading ease 100.0 and passive voice 100%

He had no desire of falling and being dragged by his leg.
95.9 reading ease and 100% passive

He did not wish to fall and be dragged by the leg.
Reading ease 100.0 and passive voice 100%

The words it picked out were.......

thrown....dragged.....being dragged

[ProfessorAlan]

This might be one of those times when your "gut instinct" trumps computerized grammar-checks -- I think the way you are writing are not considered overly "passive" to the human ear. But you are certainly thinking clearly to want to avoid the passive voice, it tends to not involve the reader as strongly as active voice.

I am guessing that what the "100% passive" score reflects is the negative . . . "he did not wish . . ." "he had no desire . . . " etc . . .

To score better, try "He wanted to stay upright in the saddle, having fallen often in the past and knowing the pain of . . . . . " It probably does not sound as good, but it will probably score higher :D You're the writer, you choose!!!!!

[whitehawke]

Prof, thank you,
The words it picked out were.......

thrown

dragged

being dragged

Sorry, I never thought to add that, but I have now. :)

[AngelAzariah]

_____Well if you want my openion (most people don't), you need to abandon some words in your naritive. Passive problems often come up when useing no, not, or n't words of the like. These words also put your sentence structur in a negitive form. That form gives a feeling that the narator is unsure, or missinformed themselfs. For example:
_____He had no desire to be thrown and dragged by his leg.
_____He held his grip in desperation, fearing a dragging by the leg.
_____He had no desire of falling and being dragged by his leg.
_____He grasped the sattle, fearing a painful fall.
_____He did not wish to fall and be dragged by the leg.
_____He kept his grip, gasping for air at the thought of being drug.
_____Make sure that the reader knows what you are the undisputed authorty of your world. Even though I have no idea what "he" is riding or his position, I should have sounded as though I knew something. :D

[whitehawke]

_____Well if you want my openion (most people don't),

Now Angel,
you have given me some good ideas for future use. !thumbsup! But, unfortunately, Matt is in no current danger (blast, me thinks) :rolleyes: I would love to give him a real good fright, but I give him enough of a hard time through the book anyway. I have to let him off on the odd occasion. (drat) I like action. If I could get away with it, I'd fill the book with it.
And Angel, stop saying that most people don't want your opinon. How do you know that is the case? Have you asked most people? If not, then don't say it.... don't even think it! :p

[Jules]

Do you have a special program on your computer that checks for passive voice? I've never heard of that feature. Is it standard on most word processing programs? If so, how do you use it?

[wgjones3]

I've found that a story reads and flows better if you write it in a style that mimics your speaking patterns and forget altogether about Bill Gates' little analyitical tools. Just my .02 cents.

[ellenjames]

Whitehawke,

You are correct! Writing should be in the active voice with one exception. If you want to show a passive character, his words should be in a passive voice.

But there are times, as Prof. Alan said, to follow your 'gut instinct' and write in the passive voice.

Hope I haven't muddied the waters.

Ellenjames

[whitehawke]

Do you have a special program on your computer that checks for passive voice? I've never heard of that feature. Is it standard on most word processing programs? If so, how do you use it?
Jules,
Hi there.
The program I'm talking about comes with microsoft word. In word, all you need do, is highlight a portion of text, then click on tools and select "spelling and grammar." That will open a window telling you different things about the selected text. When you have finished with the corrections another window should open which says. "Word finished checking the selection. Do you want to continue checking the remainder of the document?" Click on "NO" or the X at the top and it will open another window. If that dosen't happen, then go back to that first window and click on options down at the bottom. That should open a window which allows you to sent it up. Put a check in the box beside "Show readability statistics"
If it dosen't then let me know and I'll help you to get it. Okay? And please let me know how you go, cause I love to know if I help someone.
Rulan

[whitehawke]

Mr Jones,
:) Your .02 cents is a great encouragement, thank you. I like to read my work out loud to check my editing and if it's easy to read, then I'm pretty happy. There are times those little tools are a blessing, but other times they can hinder.
Thanks again :cool:
Rulan

Ellenjames
Thank you. !thumbsup!
And no, you haven't muddied the waters at all. In fact you have helped make them clearer. :D Thank you.

[whitehawke]

Angel...!
Hey man, what you said kept coming back to me and now I know why. :D What you said suddenly made me realise that in a later scene, Matt is in danger of falling from his horse and indeed he does, right in the middle of a terrible storm. The colt is playing up so bad that Matt can't control him, but I had pretty much told the reader what was going on and not really shown enough. I need to put more detail into it.
I just wanted you to know and to say thank you. !thumbsup! I will be using some of your ideas to drag the reader into Matt's up and coming predicament. :D
I haven't seen you around for a few days. Is everything okay with you?

[whitehawke]

Do you have a special program on your computer that checks for passive voice? I've never heard of that feature. Is it standard on most word processing programs? If so, how do you use it?

Hi Jules,
did you find the readability checker?

[Jules]

Hi Jules,
did you find the readability checker?

nope, I'm just now seeing this.........it's been a wild and busy past few days around here.......kids going in different directions, kids spending the night here......etc, etc, etc, it's all really about to make the cat insane!(she doesn't like strangers :p )

when I have more time this afternoon, I'll fiddle around w/it..........thanks for the info! :)

[jacx1938]

Whitehawk, I haveMicrosoft word perfect. Tried your suggestions starting with "tools," but all I got was a thingie saying that it was finished reading and correcting--nothing else opened up. What do I do? Appreciate the help a lot!

Jim (new menber)

[whitehawke]

Whitehawk, I haveMicrosoft word perfect. Tried your suggestions starting with "tools," but all I got was a thingie saying that it was finished reading and correcting--nothing else opened up. What do I do? Appreciate the help a lot!

Jim (new menber)

HI
did you do everthing I suggested to Jules?
When that last box opened, what did you click? If you clicked "yes" then that windows shuts completely, but if you click "No" or the "X" at the top right, it should do what I said. Try it all again and double check that you did it all the way I suggested, then let me know what happened, okay?
Rulan

[David Meigs]

I've found that a story reads and flows better if you write it in a style that mimics your speaking patterns and forget altogether about Bill Gates' little analyitical tools. Just my .02 cents.

I couldn’t agree more with this statement. !thumbsup!

As a reader, I love the way certain authors write characters that possess a verbal quality that makes you come to know and love them. With uncanny skill, they weave between the past and present without ever raising a ripple. One minute they are telling you about their granny, and then suddenly, a croc pops out of the water and the fight is on.

I only wish writing was/is/becomes as easy as the masters make it seem.

David

[ellenjames]

Curmudgeon wrote:
"Then, in the midst of a thought reflection, a gator pops out of the water and its back to present tense. The constant back and forth can be hard to adjust to, but it is a lot of fun.

I only wish writing was/is/becomes as easy as the masters make it seem."

Amen to that Curmudgeon! It seems that way to me, but I just keep plugging and one's writing does improve. :D My two cents worth!

Ellenjames

[whitehawke]

David and Ellen,
where would we be without writing, eh?
Don't know about you guys, but sometimes it's hard to get ones thoughts on paper. In my head, I might have the "perfect" way to write a certain scene, but somehow once it hits that paper it seems to lose the sparkle, it loses something in the translation. Grrrrrrrr :)
So, on we go, searching for that perfect prose. Does it exist? If it does, can we find it? If we do, can we do it justice?

[jacx1938]

HI
did you do everthing I suggested to Jules?
When that last box opened, what did you click? If you clicked "yes" then that windows shuts completely, but if you click "No" or the "X" at the top right, it should do what I said. Try it all again and double check that you did it all the way I suggested, then let me know what happened, okay?
Rulan

I misunderstood part of your directions, but have it now. It showed the paragraph in question as 75.8 readable for 6th graders. This is exactly what I want, spiritual concepts imbedded in language that's easy and interesting to read. Thanks much for your assistance in this, as I never knew that capability existed on my program.

Jim.

[whitehawke]

Jim,
cool !thumbsup!
Glad to help.
Rulan

[whitehawke]

While I think of it, Angel might have some helpful tips here.
http://www.vailion.com/WritingTipsForWordUsers.htm