Writing Prompt 24

[Tommie Lyn]

One of my real world crit partners has graciously given permission for me to post some writing prompts she developed. Here's the first:

A deer runs across the road and you hit him with your new car! While the car is in the shop you discover something about the car that you would never have known if you had not hit the deer.

Word limit: 300 words
No extra words this time (isn't a 300 word limit strenuous enough?)

[Tommie Lyn]

Deer and Chimichanga
Word Count: 298


“Yeah, get me that paperwork. Don't want to get in trouble.” Bobby, from Bobby's Auto Repair, broke the connection.

I rifled through my desk for the packet the dealer gave me when I bought my sporty red Chimichanga last month, the first new car I'd ever owned. My beautiful Chimichanga, with its front right fender crumpled. At the thought, my jaws tightened. Doggone deer! Why'd it run out in front of me? Tears of frustration prickled my eyelids. Gotta stop this. Crying won't help.

I thumbed through the papers, looking for the information Bobby wanted. And found a small slip of paper stuck inside a folded sheet.

Hmmm. That's strange. I don't remember signing this. But there's my signature at the bottom. I took a closer look.

“The signatory guarantees that if any payment is late, ownership of the automobile is revoked and it is forfeit to the dealership. Full payment of said automobile, and arm and a leg, will be required of the signatory at the time of forfeiture.” Huh?

All thoughts of finding the papers Bobby wanted evaporated as the meaning of this paper took shape in my mind.


* * *

“Jones, Hargrave and Wannamaker,” the receptionist said.

“I need to talk to Chauncey Wannamaker.”

She told me he had an opening that afternoon.


* * *
“Well, Miss Take,” Chauncey Wannamaker, Esq. said as he leaned back in his leather chair. “I'd say you made a bad deal.”

“But can they do that? Make me give them an arm and a leg if I'm late on a payment?”

“They can do that whether or not you're late. See?” He pointed to the line of print. “An arm and a leg is the full price of the car. You lay people.” He shook his head. “You never read the fine print.”

[Joe]

The engulfing darkness was palpable- the kind you could claw at and find under your fingernails. I lay still, paying passive attention to the funereal chants wafting over from the denser part of the jungle. Bulu had told me the neighboring hamlet was honoring the dead, a festival which was going to carry on to the next day. I therefore didn’t consider it a streak of genius to light a candle while such festivities went on barely a footpath away.
It was bad enough that the makeshift camp was rickety, if things went awry for them and they came for us, we were cooked.

Intermittently, when the chant subsided, the sharp whine of a thousand hovering mosquitoes took over, reaffirming their own kind of dread.
Bulu had attempted convincing me before he went to sleep.
‘If you no believe, why then you come?’ he’d pidginzed.
‘I merely honor my superiors. I am trained to track missing persons. Jonathan Layton disappeared over a hundred years ago. All I have to go is a parchment by him. Anything could have happened to him’
‘You say he say the man no get shadow’
I shrugged ‘the parchment says so’
‘The dead no get shadow, true’ he said.
My guide’s thinking required urgent mending. You just never could tell with these folks! I laughed.
He glared at me in the dark, shrugged and mentally put me away like old tissues.
‘Layton vanished a hundred years ago. I think its sickly to theorize he went looking for the dead’
My guide ignored my rambling and a while after, I quit.
I must have dropped into sleep not too look afterwards.

*

I woke into a haunted world. The air in the tent, heavy and tingling, crawled about. The chants outside were now more subdued but intense all the same.
Perspiring and consumed by a sense of foreboding, my bile erupted in my mouth. I stirred slightly, noticing that a sliver of moonlight now cut across the hard earth.
I felt for Bulu in the darker recesses and was a little rattled to find his space empty.

Mustering as much will as I did strength, I altered my position so that I could come in view of the door through which light shone.
Bulu stood in the door, oblivious of my state of wakefulness.
He gazed in the direction of the hamlet, engrossed.
I made to inquire if he sensed the heaviness in the air, then I grew numb. My guide stood in the moonlight, possessing no shadow!
I died in my skin.

[Tommie Lyn]

Wow, Joe. Good piece of writing.

[Joe]

Thanks, Tommie. Its closer to 500 that 300, though.

[Tommie Lyn]

Thanks, Tommie. Its closer to 500 that 300, though.
It didn't exactly follow the writing prompt either, but that's ok. ;) Your writing was very good -- good imagery, good choice of words...good writing, Joe!

TL

[Joe]

Oooooh, look at how I bombed that one. I just got the gist now. The prompt is: A deer runs across the road and you hit him with your new car! While the car is in the shop you discover something about the car that you would never have known if you had not hit the deer.

Hahahaha...alright, I'd try again...with my head screwed on tight...hopefully.

[Tommie Lyn]

LOL! No problem, Joe. I'm just looking forward to what you come up with.

[jacks girl]

I sat waiting in the garage, Jack was pulling and pulling on the leash. He wanted to go to the park, that’s where we were heading when that silly dear ran out in front of me.

He was huge, what a rack. Must have been a fifteen-point buck. I hit him, or should I say he hit me, he dented my car and kept on going. One of the mechanics went by and Jack sniffed his pants then turned.

Ewww, he must smell bad if Jack turned away. I pulled Jack up into my lap and tried to read the paper work that I found in the glove box. With Jack licking my ear I looked in shock as I read the fine print.

I glanced at my watch and seen the date. I had like 48 hours to get this paper signed and back to the dealer to get rebate I knew nothing about. Jack jumped out of my lap and I held tightly to the leash and read on shaking my head.

There was a 1000 dollar rebate on this car but the paper had to be signed and dated by October 1, 2007. I wanted to go into the office and smack the little weasel that sold me the car. He’d tried to cheat me. I noticed quickly that Jack had stopped pulling on the leash so I looked up.

The mechanic was bent over patting him on the head and he straightned and held out a key to me.

“Here’s the key to your loaner. Try not to get any dog hair in it.” He winked when he said this and I took the keys.

“Oh I won’t.” I said hoping the car I was borrowing belonged to the weasel that tried to steal my rebate.

[Laina]

Great stories, Jacks, Joe and Tommie. Boy, 300 words is tough.

[Laina]

Please, Ma'am
Word count: 299

“Run that by me again, Ma’am. You did what to your new car?”

Tammy signed her name, and laid the pen on the counter. “I was driving home and this deer ran right if front of me. I barely grazed it, but when I swerved, I ran right into a huge bolder, and that’s what caused most of the damage.”

The attendant lifted the paperwork and snapped it into the clipboard. “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll have an estimate for you.”

Tammy handed him her keys. “Thank you.”


***

The attendant approached Tammy. “Ma’am, I’ve got good new and bad. The good news is that this isn’t your vehicle. The bad news is that the police are on their way over here to charge you with car theft.”

Tammy’s mouth dropped. “What do you mean this isn’t my car? I just bought it a few hours ago from Bravo Ford.”

The attendant shrugged his shoulders. “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on. When I ran the VIN number, it alerted the police department and they're on their way over here. I’m sure you can explain it to them, and everything will turn out just fine.”


***

Tammy glared at the policeman. She balled her fists. “Sir, I’ll have you to know that I just bought this car, today. I haven’t stolen anything in my life. I still have the contract in my car. How dare you come over hear and embarrass me in front of all these people. I’ll sue you.”

“Ma’am, we’ve investigated this stolen vehicle report and……..ma’am ……uh ma’am…..please, ma’am.”

Tammy stopped yelling, and let the officer speak.

The officer held up his palms to her. “Ma’am, you drove off the car lot in a salesman’s vehicle. Yours is still at Bravo’s car lot.”

[Tommie Lyn]

Good stories, Jacks and Laina. I'm still chuckling...